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Love Relationships

Brainwashed by Beyonce: Pissing in the Dating Pool Pt. 2

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By: Dawn Marbury

Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I’m feelin lonely
When it’s all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships

The shoes on my feet
I’ve bought it
The clothes I’m wearing
I’ve bought it
The rock I’m rockin’
I’ve bought it
‘Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’
I’ll buy it
The house I live in
I’ve bought it
The car I’m driving
I’ve bought it
I depend on me

Independent Woman Pt 2- Destiny’s Child

When a young and bouncy Beyonce belted the words of “Independent Woman,” it struck a chord deep inside the female psyche that challenged everything many women felt about relationships. Hits like “Irreplacable,” “Me, Myself and I,” “Bills, Bills, Bills,” and many debatable others firmly placed femininity in the driver’s seat rebuking the back seat girls with the same fervor only seldom heard since Janet Jackson’s Control, and TLC’s Ooooooohhh… On the TLC Tip. Women bought these anthems hook, line, and sinker, kicking scrubs to the curb, being bad by themselves, and completely forsaking the natural exchange of power and vulnerability necessary in order to make a relationship thrive.

Maybe due to the ever rumored “man shortage”, women have been thrusted into roles males would traditionally fill in their lives. Women make their own money, are getting their own cars fixed, taking out their own trash, and effectively handling their own business. Their over-independence has dwindled the importance of men in their lives only to penis dealers, leaving men as a confused bunch that don’t know what they can provide for women. Women pick up the tab on dinner dates just so the guy doesn’t get it twisted. It is as if many women go out of their way to prove to men how un-needed they are in the life of today’s fiercely independent woman. The traditional roles in relationships have been turned completely around as women have become aggressive pursuers and hunters of the men they desire instead of being courted by the guys they have their eyes on. Men are chewed up and spit out like pieces of meat, as women are now the dogs that they’ve accused men of being for decades.

No one is advocating for the caveman days of Tarzan and Jane, however balance must be brought back to the dating scene. Women have to learn to allow to let a man be a man. Because of part-time fathers, Federlines, and other suckers; women have put up a guard that even nice guys can’t seem to scale. There is a level of vulnerability that women must embrace in order to have a healthy, satisfying relationship with a man. He will never, ever be perfect, but who is? The emasculation that many women leave their ex’s with not only pollutes the dating pool, but promotes Federlining because men no longer feel their role as providers is necessary to please today’s woman. The ultra feminine stance many of us has taken has a high cost that cheapens the very core of who we are as a society. As hard as it may be, we must let go of the unnatural power and assertions that male/female equality inevitably invites. Allowing your man to make mistakes, and be the leader will add to quality of your relationship. There is a distinct difference between a man being a leader and a man being a dictator. Be smart in your choice of mates. Be forgiving, but don’t forget. He is not the man who dumped you and slept with your best friend five years ago, so stop punishing him for what other men have done. Support him emotionally and mentally, and be willing to cultivate who he is. Don’t put everything he owns in a box to the left because you are not comfortable with sharing your world. All men are not dogs, and if you think so, maybe you are not ready for a real relationship.

Dawn Marbury is one of our featured writers. She is a talented writer who writes an awesome and an extremely witty blog entitled The Bourgeoisie And The Beast when she isn’t working on her own books. Check out her site, it’s addictive.

2 Comments

  1. Shayla

    July 6, 2010 at 10:00 pm

    SO honest and SO appreciated. Great read.

  2. Patrice

    July 8, 2010 at 1:29 am

    I have said this for years. A woman can be a little too independent. Get that paper and have that career, but the more you say you don't need a man, the harder it will be to find one. And trust me, using a man for physical gain will get old very fast.

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