Should we be totally honest about our past or be selective in what we reveal?
By: Taren Vaughan
Skeletons, we all have them lurking around in our closets; these things about us that are not public knowledge for all to discuss. Whether it be related to relationships or not, they are not things that we just don’t talk about freely over a cup of coffee. Be that as it may, what happens when we find someone that we are really feeling and want to pursue something with? Should we man up and let our skeletons be released from their hiding place? Or are some things just worth keeping to ourselves?
Be careful how you answer this question now. I know some people are so quick to say that certain things should be left unsaid, like cheating for example. Being an unfaithful person is most definitely something that gets frowned upon when it comes to relationships. However, some people can overlook the fact that you are a “free spirit” and won’t be too bothered by that. Simple as that sounds, what if an STD was a result of the past? Refer back to one of our “Truth Tellers” for a moment. And it will be a clear reminder that someone out there had no problem giving his girlfriend a sexually transmitted disease. Instead of letting someone know that you are infected and letting them decide whether or not they are going to be sexually involved with you or even stay with you at all, you make that decision for them. Now how selfish is that? Try that with HIV and you will be staring down the road to becoming a criminal.
And since we are on the subject of sex and the possible things that come out of having it, what about conceiving a child? That whole “I didn’t know I had one” bull most definitely won’t slide here. Now it’s true not every man knows about the children that they have. But even if that is the case, that still speaks huge volumes about his character, which in turn is probably a reflection of how trustworthy of a person he is. Secrets of this nature will come to the light regardless of how hard you try to conceal them.
Why must we keep these things so hidden from our partners?
Perhaps it’s because our past was a tad bit reckless. And the mere thought of having to disclose that information to a potential or current partner is too painful or embarrassing for you to do. Furthermore, since it’s in the past, it’s over and done with, never to be mentioned again. Is that right huh? So we just block out all of those late night flings with random strangers and a crazy ex who makes it a point to pay us surprise visits at our house from time to time. Those things will only be brought up if absolutely necessary which brings me to another excuse behind not releasing skeletons.
Some of us don’t feel obligated to talk about our past simply because we weren’t asked to. Volunteering information on those unsavory moments of your life is something that we don’t often jump at the chance to do. You would rather focus on the good stuff. Good way to keep the drama level under control. I applaud you (sarcastically clapping). This is by far the most exhausted trick in the book known to “man-kind”, hence the word “man”. Men more so than women will get around telling their significant about their troubled past so help them God. No need to take a trip down memory lane unless we absolutely need to right? Keep on thinking that way if you want to. You’ll be the very first one to be put on blast.
To this day, what people still fail to understand is that good, strong, healthy relationships are centered on two things. And they are honesty and trust. The two together are the backbone of your union. And once that backbone is broken, it is so hard to repair. As difficult as it may be to come completely clean with someone, it does have to be done if you want to ever truly have something special with that person. If the person cares enough to be with you, then chances are they will not completely dismiss you once you let those skeletons loose. But then again, some secrets can be just a little too hard to stomach. And you may find yourself on the verge of a break-up. Either way, you have to put all that fear aside and let your significant other know what the real deal is.
We all have skeletons hidden away in the closet, unfortunately some of us more than others. But the point is that we all have them no matter how perfect you think a person is. And holding on to them can become overwhelming. Nevertheless, you will always be carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders. In the end, the choice is up to you. But before you make it, make sure you ask yourself one question: Do you really care for this individual and want to build something lasting with them? If the answer is yes, then you know what needs to be done. Be careful not to drag your feet about it too long though, because someone may beat you to the punch and let the cat out of the bag for you themselves. Besides, what you don’t tell that person will come out sooner or later whether you want it to or not. So it is better them hear it straight from the horse’s mouth than from some total stranger.
The whole “what people don’t know won’t hurt them” thing is far from true. That’s an excuse that only the inconsiderate use. What hurts the most is when people are not completely honest with you about themselves. So if you really care about someone enough to be in a committed relationship with them, what’s your reason for keeping secrets? It’s time to let the skeletons come out and show their faces.