He’s Not Sorry: Why You Keep Getting Played
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Sometimes we set ourselves up to get played by the same blueprint.
By: Amanda Anderson
This ain’t a man hating, black man bashing article; but it is going to be a revelation for most women…because when I look at a lot of unhappy women around me, most of their “relationships” look the same. Sure the men vary in physical qualities and the relationships vary by the length of time together, but all these women have one thing in common: they are getting played, but they have been trained to think they are just working things out with men who could somehow become better. It’s as if these men have programmed women to believe that to get love, you gotta put up with some bullsh-t, and be patient as a man screws his way into maturity and faithfulness, while screwing a few side chicks along the way. We say we don’t tolerate unfaithfulness, yet, most of us can agree that we have taken a man back after he dogged us. We call this particular behavior love, but most men call it game. Damn good game that can have even the smartest women doing some of the dumbest sh-t I’ve ever seen.
It doesn’t matter that we were smart enough to land college degrees or climb the hell out of the corporate ladder, but when it comes to men, oftentimes, it seems like we don’t even have common sense, let alone any smarts to see when some bastard is playing the hell out of us, and throwing the word love in our faces to keep us bamboozled.
We won’t even leave once we see that there will be another time we discover another woman. Why? Because we think about all the time we’ve invested into his potential.
It’s simple, the longer we’ve been with a man, the more we are willing to take.
Let’s also factor in loneliness…
The longer a woman has been alone, the more desperate she can become if she’s not careful.
Isn’t it sad that we’ll keep getting screwed over by men for the sake of potential, when what’s definite can’t even take us out on a first date because we think he’s too nice?
Women have become so immune to the pattern, the cycle, the blueprint that keeps us unhappy in relationships, but it affords men more options than they can handle.
We’re settling for men that believe “treat her bad, and make her love you,” and then we can’t understand why we’re still single by our early 40s. We can’t blame it on the lack of good men, when the truth is, most of us waste too much time on the wrong men. We can’t even see when some dude is playing us, and trying to work things out with a man who has no plans to change.
We’re falling for game and calling it love. But how is it love when he can’t even be faithful?
And how is a relationship worth saving when he doesn’t even value it in the first place?
It’s got to be some truth to the aforementioned theory when women seem to only give their hearts to men who plan to break them.
Does it feel good to love a man who doesn’t even love you back? Just what is our fascination with men who can only be faithful to themselves?
I can’t front like I’ve never been that woman, but at that moment, I thought I was in love. But I wasn’t in love, no you see, I was programmed. Programmed to accept mediocrity and blame love for my unwillingness to leave permanently. I should have left him, but I thought love meant staying and repairing.
And a lot of women believe in staying and repairing, when it’s some circumstances that need to be left broken for your own growth, and for your own sanity.
This is the weakness in most women. It’s a form of nurturing, but we have to realize that these men are grown ass adults. So why are we trying to nurture them into better men? I’m sorry, but why do so many of us feel like it is our job to make men marriage material? This hurts women, and men recognize this particular vulnerability, so they prey on us like vultures.
And they aren’t that creative either. In fact, they use the same subtle tactics no matter how many different women they dog.
It’s the same tired method, but it works every time.
Here’s how you keep getting played by the same man or the same type of man…
1. The only time he gets emotional is after you’ve caught him cheating. His follow up to being busted is the emotional and predictable apology.
Truth: He’s not sorry he cheated on you. He actually feels justified in his actions. You weren’t “pleasing him,” (men like this can never be pleased) or he’s too much of a man to be faithful, but he’ll apologize since that’s what he has to do to keep you in the picture. He doesn’t plan to change because he doesn’t really see anything wrong with his behavior.
Yeah, there’s another woman, and you found out about her because he was stupid enough to leave his tracks visible. Rather it be forgetting to log out of Facebook or Twitter, late night phone calls from other women, or finding another’s woman’s underwear that doesn’t belong to you; at this moment, he becomes more emotional than you have ever seen him get in the entire relationship. Some men cry, others give the puppy dog eyes, while the rest blame some “problem” that prohibited them from being scandalous. He apologizes and it appears that he may really mean it.
Some women will see tears and associate that with love, although love is what keeps people faithful despite outside temptation. *Message*
You take him back, and a few months later, you catch him again.
It’s like clockwork.
2. In the midst your anger, you break up with him, and you are sure that you are ready to cut all ties. But because you have a history of making amends, he knows it’s only a matter of time before you reconsider.
Truth: So what, you got all mad and broke it off, he knows you’ll be back. Why? Because you think love is involved, and because you think what you have is love, you’ll continue to be his fool.
After he realizes the apology isn’t going to work this time, he’ll stop communication temporarily. You won’t really care because you are still angry. But he’s not worried, he knows that your anger has to wear off eventually. And when a woman stops being angry, she’s easy. Real easy.
3. After the cease of communication initiated by you, you wake up one day, and the anger has succumbed. Now you begin to question yourself.
Truth: To have control over a woman is to make her second guess herself when you are the one that screwed up. He knows he’s not worthy of a second chance, but you don’t. And it’s your naivete that he is counting on.
An angry woman is firm on her decision, but a woman missing a man, she’s vulnerable. When the anger fades, a woman is most likely to experience confusion. It is in this crucial moment that we wonder if we made the right decision, was it that serious, and should we really throw everything away on a mistake?
That man is counting on your confusion, and that is what makes the lack of communication over the last couple of months so easy for him. He knows that your anger will lead to confusion, and it’s confusion that makes so many women rethink leaving a man.And when it comes to your confusion, he’s banking on it.
Think about it. When you were pissed off, you were sure that you were on to the next one, but when the angers subsides, you wonder if you made the right choice.
Then comes the memories. The good times begin to replay, and you start to ponder if there can be more happy moments. In reality, there were only a few good moments, but the bulk of you relationship kept you miserable. Why don’t we remember this when we take back old boyfriends?
But what’s worst, is a couple months of loneliness seems to make any woman naive again. He’s counting on you to miss him and relying on your emotions to make you do something very stupid…take him back.
4. Now that you miss him, you want to reach out to him. You need to talk, and he’s ready.
Truth: He knew you’d be back and was counting on your moment of weakness. And this moment of weakness is what we call “getting closure.” We don’t need closure to a bad relationship. The only ending a bad relationship deserves is you walking away and never looking back.
However, you will still initiate some form of communication. You will lose, because you’ve given this man an ample amount of time to think of what he’s going to say to get you back, and he’s the same one that couldn’t even be faithful. You made the right decision to move on in your anger, but after a dose of the single life, now you’re questioning if you should reconcile with someone who made a habit of screwing other chicks. Some of us will do anything to have another body in our beds, even if that person makes us miserable. Loneliness will make people do the damnedest things.
And it’s always a lack of communication that breaks a woman down.
If you can relate to any of this, you’ve been played. No, that man doesn’t really love you, but he does love control. So many of us have no clue of what love really is, so we see it with the wrong people. And these people will hinder us from ever having real love, all the while, never managing to truly love us.
People are human and I get that we make mistakes. But once a person mistreats you, you really can’t call it love. For what kind of person mistreats the people they love?
Someone who doesn’t love at all.