The increasing popularity of Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man suggests that women adopt a man’s mentality to land a good man. Do we have to really act like we have a penis to attract a penis, or should we just use common sense a tad bit more in the single life?
Your questions, my answers. I promise I’ll keep you fabulous, sexy, and smart in your singlehood. Brutal honesty is more beneficial in a chaotic place for black single women.
By: Amanda Anderson
Q. After reading Steve Harvey’s book, it’s been suggested that women need to think more like men to become more successful in our pursuits of men and relationships. Should a woman really change her feminine mentality for a more masculine one, just to avoid heartbreak and shady men?
A. Steve Harvey, although divorced a couple times, made some pretty good points in his debut bestseller. He was able to so eloquently, well hell, frankly explain the man’s perspective in women, sex, and relationships. The overall consensus is that we should think more like men to better understand men, but it makes you wonder why men aren’t being told to think like more women to understand women better. What the hell gives? Are we the only ones that have to shift over the gender line we’ve been treading since birth just to have a shot at love and a decent relationship?
I call Steve’s bluff on that one…
Look, women don’t have to necessarily think like men in order to prevent becoming constant victims to game. All it really takes is a bit of common sense when dealing with men. For instance, if a man is too busy to give you any attention, why on earth are you offering your heart on a silver platter to that bastard?
Follow these easy rules, and you won’t need an imaginary penis to prevent getting screwed in this nasty relationship environment.
1. Women might be auditory beings, who dwell on romantic sayings and tempting promises…but actions are the only thing that counts. If a man wants you, he’ll show you better than he’ll tell you. Stop making excuses for why this man isn’t pursuing you. If he’s not making any moves, the only ones you should make is one with someone else who is pursuing you.
2. Sex without commitment is stupid, especially for a woman wanting love and stability. If you want some stability in your love life, be stable your damn self. Don’t bend over backwards or forwards for a temporary boo thing. It’s no coincidence that women become less interesting once they’ve been screwed by someone who’s just having a little fun. You’re not here to entertain…right? Be patient and wait on something official.
3. Don’t deal with liars and promise breakers…they don’t change, not even for a relationship. If a man can’t keep his promise, he can’t be any good in a relationship. It’s nothing worse than being in a relationship where you have more broken promises than kept ones. You need a partner who understands the value of his word…men that understand that make better boyfriends and husbands. I promise.
4. Falling in love with a man that’s too busy is like begging cupid to run you over with a truck…disastrous. If he doesn’t have time to spend with you or build something solid, you don’t have time to waste.
5. Character is more telling than salaries, degrees, penis size, faces, and biceps. Always look for it first. Why? Good men have good character…so if you’re looking for a good man, maybe you ought to be looking for good character.
6. Your girlfriends won’t help your relationship, but they can hurt it beyond repair. So in that case, watch who you get your relationship and/or dating advice from. Bitter women like their friends how they like their men…single. Misery loves company, and bad advice is Misery’s bitch.
7. Communication is the most suggested but least regarded in love and dating. If you are feeling a man, tell him. No one likes to play the guessing game but women.
8. Timing is everything. Singlehood has always been made out to be a dark age for a woman, but a smart woman knows it’s really a bright spot. Only when you are alone can you really get to know yourself. Take this time alone to figure out who the hell you are, and who the hell you need. You may have wanted that swagalicious dude, but time alone can make you realize you need the humble God fearing dude instead. So many happily married women began as happily single women who knew what they wanted…and believe me, they knew him when he came.
9. Your attitude is everything. Stank attitudes give off a stench greater than any funk you’ve ever encountered…and so does bitterness. The angry black woman may fare well in Tyler Perry’s films, but this ain’t that last Tyler Perry film you and your girls were fist pumping to. All men ain’t bad, and all women ain’t deserving of something good. Think all men are dogs, and you’ll attract nothing but dogs. Don’t want fleas? Well change your mentality. Men will only be what you expect them to be. Standards anyone?
10. Guard your heart not out of bitterness, but out of self respect. It’s amazing how we only remember certain scriptures from the bible on love, but barely anyone remembers that the good book states several times that we should guard our hearts. But for some reason, women will fling their hearts off a balcony if it looks steady enough to stand on. We don’t check for firmness, stability rather there is truth in the design, or if it’s truly beneficial. Before you whisper the I Love You’s…make sure he really loves you.
And when a man loves you, there is nothing that he won’t do to make you happy. If he has excuses, you don’t have love.
I’ll say it one more time…if he has excuses, then you don’t have love.
So do you need to think like a man? No, relationships aren’t games…they are tough and only work when people recognize the call for authenticity. Yeah, you got to be real to get something real. Your man won’t totally get you, and you won’t totally get him; but if what you have is good or will be any good…ya’ll just have to communicate. And that doesn’t mean you push him to the corner with mind games. Always say how you feel, and he’ll return the favor. And honesty really is the best way to a good relationship…not best sellers written by Steve Harvey.
So think like a woman, a very smart single woman, and you won’t end up screwed, used, and discarded like trash. So let’s get smarter, not manlier.
So many truths. I had this conversation not too long ago with my friends, and I was the only one who just couldn't agree that women should start thinking like men to get men. I agree that all we really need is common sense. Great read.
Great advice! I love every single one of your tips.
Women don't necessarily have to think like men. They need to think like themselves and present themselves like true ladies, and someone suitable (however long that takes) will recognize how wonderful she is. I believe there are good men out there looking for good women, but just like us they are running into the wrong types. Continue to set yourself apart and you'll attract the right person that compliments you in every way.Also, I'm loving the points you guys put up! Have you read "The Conversation" by Hill Harper? However late I may be, I'm reading it FINALLY, and so far so good.
If more woman kept their legs closed then a revolution would occur. Sadly, this is not the case. Most men “get it” for most of their lives within a few weeks from every chick they date. They expect and demand this from every woman. Changing their mindset is extremely difficult. I am not interested in trying to reform these men. Some women are alone because they will not “give the cookies” within a few months. They are not alone because they are too picky or undateable. Their only consolation is they still have their soul.