Iyanla first learns about their past crimes.
The episode begins with four men heading into the mansion to begin their work healing with Iyanla. Three of the four men were incarcerated for murder. Iyanla wants to help them deal with their past prison terms.
All of the men served at least 15 years for murder and they began their sentences as teenagers.
Iyanla greets them at breakfast and takes them to a “clearing table.” There are 4 water bowls present and this symbolizes washing away the “dirt” of their past.
Iyanla wants them to first own their pasts, and the pain that it came with.
Roderick, age 37, got into a gunfight with a group of men that were after his brother. Iyanla asks him if his bullet killed anyone and he started crying.
Next, Lamar explained he had broken trust from his father that he saw only twice in the 1980’s. He’s from the Jonesboro south projects in Atlanta and he got beat up the first day he moved into the projects. He grew up to embrace hard crimes, including robberies and burglaries. When he was 16, he and his friends had a confrontation with another group in a parking lot and he ended up shooting and killing a 17-year-old. He did 22 years.
“Beloved, when you came home, you were 16.” – Iyanla
Omar said he didn’t know his father and ended up hanging up with the wrong crowd, selling drugs and burglaries. He was part of a robbery where someone was killed. He did 15 years. He has a son that’s 24.
“Do you know that’s your son’s script also?” – Iyanla
Lastly, Willie says he ended up getting addicted to crack cocaine as a teen and he ended up killing his friend. He ended up serving 20 years and being paroled.
Willie explains his feelings about Dontario possibly not being his son.
At the end of their session, Iyanla tells them that the adults in their lives failed them. She also lets them know that their hearts and spirits are still locked up.
Willie then tells Iyanla about the trouble he’s been having with his son. He wanted to have a DNA test to make sure if Dontario, his son, is really his.
The men receive help to understand their foundations.
Iyanla wants them to look back at their childhoods, so she gives them an assignment to work on for their next meeting.
“Without a solid foundation, a man cannot stand tall.” – Iyanla
To symbolize this, they have bricks in their room and they are to label each one.
Iyanla stops by Rodrick first and helps him see that he was angry as a child for being alone, and being unable to have a childhood. During their conversation, it’s revealed that he and his family are currently homeless.
Willie is visited by Iyanla next and she helps him discover that he holds resentment towards his mother for being so strict compared to his father.
Rodrick is pulled aside before Iyanla leaves to talk about his homelessness, however, he struggles to talk about it. Eventually, she gets him to open up about it. Iyanla says this is common for many black men to deal with things like homelessness, when they are released.
The next day, they have the men meet with Shaka who walked in their footsteps after being released from a 19 year sentence. He killed a man over a bad drug deal. A letter from his son helped him change his mentality. The letter reflected his son finding out about his crime. At this point, he was forced to acknowledge his violent act.
Each man seemed to be able to relate to Shaka and take his advice to acknowledge their past. They then are given shirts with photos of when they were younger.
Iyanla speaks with Willie and Omar’s sons.
The next day, Willie’s son Dontario stops by to talk about their relationship with Iyanla. He says that their relationship has been off and on.
“He tries to raise me as I’m not an adult. I’m grown.” – Dontario
Iyanla says he has to learn to be in a relationship with an adult child. At the core of it, Dontario feels angry about the request for a DNA test. Interestingly enough, Iyanla wants them to have the DNA test.
Next, she meets with Deshon, Omar’s son. Deshon felt envious of his friends because their fathers weren’t in prison. Iyanla tells him that he may be emotionally older than his father and Deshon agrees with this notion. She wants the two of them to find common ground.
Iyanla forces them to understand their foundations.
The men are also meeting with Iyanla in their sanctuary wearing the shirts. Roderick seems apprehensive to follow Iyanla’s request to speak about his younger days, probably because of the pain, and Iyanla is angered by this.
She has the men bring all of their bricks downstairs one by one. When this is done, she gets into them about not writing down what led to their crimes.
“If you can’t stand in it, the world will never honor who you are.” – Iyanla
At the end, she takes their chairs and sits them on their bricks. She then asks Willie about his anger towards God. He begins to say he is angry at his mother, but stops as he cries, because he doesn’t want to say it on TV. Willie eventually says that he hated her for not letting him do what he wanted to do as a child like play sports.
Iyanla talks to each of the other guys and is able to get them to accept the pain of their pasts. During this process, Iyanla gets Roderick to break down crying over the pain he’s harbored for his mother abandoning him as a child.
What are your thoughts on the episode?
