Things have gotten really bad for Neffe and Soullow.
Since their reality show ended, they have been dealing with money problems and depression. In fact, Neffe has developed a serious drinking problem and they lost their home.
With income no longer what it was when they were reality stars, Soullow claims that Neffe spends about $150 a week on alcohol, and it’s only making their financial woes worse.
However, she denies having a drinking problem.
What she does admit is she is still dealing with the pain of having a failed marriage and losing a child years ago.
“I’m searching for this inner thing. I’m trying to find Neffeteria. And I’m trying to find the woman that I know is there but for some reason she’s not.” – Neffe to Iyanla
Iyanla feels like Neffe is the character Neffeteria created in hopes to become a popular reality star. But now it’s time for her to discover her true self.
“I want help for her drinking. The drinking and the attitudes, the depression…those things are really just tearing me down. I love my wife dearly. But that person, that other person…that spirit, I don’t love and I can’t stand it.I have to get away from it because it just runs me away.” – Soullow
Neffe makes it very clear that she has no intentions to stop drinking.
“I’m a grown a*s woman. I can drink wine and a beer. What is it to you?” – Neffe to Soullow
“It’s not like one or two…” – Soullow to Neffe
“I have as many as I want.” – Neffe to Soullow
Turns out they are speaking to Iyanla in a hotel room because their lease for their condo was terminated because of a big brawl that took place on Memorial Day weekend between Soullow and their friends/family. The landlord wanted them out because she felt they were a disturbance to the rest of the community.
Soullow had a health scare and struggles with suicidal thoughts.
Before getting into the holiday brawl, Soullow spent some time in the hospital because he suffered a heart attack at 43 years old.
“…like heart failure.” – Neffe
Soullow says he’s tired of the drama and he feels like that’s what Neffe brings into his life. However, Neffe feels like he just wants her to stop being so vocal with her opinions, and that’s unfair since she was the same way when they first met and he married her anyway.
Despite their friction, she wants to work things out because she misses the man he was. He doesn’t take her out on dates anymore and they are growing apart. He also isn’t as affectionate towards her as he used to be.
But Soullow says he’s exhausted, he cooks/cleans and works. However, Iyanla questions why he does everything in the relationship since it’s most likely what caused him to have a heart attack.
Soullow admits that the most peace he’s had in a while was being in the hospital bed. In fact, he actually wished he had passed away instead of returning to his problematic marriage to Neffe.
“I’d rather be dead.” – Soullow
Iyanla tells Neffe and Soullow that they are having a fantasy relationship because they aren’t even acknowledging that they are homeless.
She tells Neffe that she’s being selfish to demand being taken out on dates when they have five kids and live in a hotel.
She tells Soullow that he’s Neffe’s enabler and things won’t change if he doesn’t stop enabling her behavior.
Iyanla points out the issues in the way they fell in love.
When Iyanla asks Neffe to discuss their love story, Neffe reveals that they met after she was divorced from her first husband and she about 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with her son Jaylen at a friend’s house. She was also messing around with some “teenage street punk/boy toy” who was not Jaylen’s father.
Soullow says for him, it was love at first sight and she reminded him of home.
Apparently things kicked off after Neffe asked him for somewhere to stay and he obliged.
Soullow reveals his very dark childhood.
He became a father at the age of 12, and his parents weren’t around very much.
He says his mother left his stepfather, and returned to Flint for reasons unknown to him. His stepfather followed her to Flint, and they fought a lot.
He says he and his sister were also molested by a couple.
“There was nothing you could have done, Shelby. Not to save yourself, not to save your sister. Nor was it your job or responsibility to keep yourself safe.” – Iyanla to Soullow
Iyanla figures out that Soullow is attracted to Neffe because like his mother, she brings a lot of drama into his life.
He reveals that his mother didn’t believe that he and his sister were molested. That really hurt him.
Another very difficult moment in his life was losing his 17 year old son. He was hit by a truck while crossing the street.
Soullow blames himself for his son’s death.
He tells her he wants to die because he’s exhausted.
“Stay in there. Shelby, it is unkind to and unloving to expect yourself to be able to do something that you don’t know how to do. That no one ever taught you to do. It’s unkind. It’s unloving. And it’s not that you want to die, Shelby. It’s that you’ve never been taught how to live. You’ve never been taught how to live, baby. You’ve been taught how to survive. How to get along. You’ve never been taught how to live because you’re still 7.” – Iyanla to Soullow
Iyanla figures out Neffe.
Neffe reveals that she was raised by her grandmother and her marriage to her grandfather was something she learned a lot from.
She claims her grandparents never fought in front of her and never dealt with infidelity.
Iyanla then questions why Neffe chose a completely different path from her grandparents.
Apparently Neffe learned to curse at her spouse from the streets of Oakland.
She ran away from home at 16 to look for her mother Frankie.
Despite Frankie’s past, Neffe says she’s turned her life around and she’s a great grandmother. However, Iyanla isn’t buying it because Neffe and her family are living in hotel and Frankie isn’t helping them. Iyanla also thinks it’s telling that Frankie founded a transition home for women, but isn’t helping Neffe.
Neffe claims it isn’t an issue because she and Soullow found a home and will be moving in several days.
One painful memory Neffe is dealing with is the lost of her three month old son she had with her ex husband.
“We were due to get up for church and he was gone…I picked him up and he was stiff…I don’t wish that on nobody. “ – Neffe to Iyanla
As far as her marriage to Soullow is concerned, Iyanla points out that Neffe doesn’t really verbalize that she loves him and seemed to fall in love with the things he did for her, while for him it was love at first sight.
“You fell in love with what he could do for you because you have no clue who he is.” – Iyanla to Neffe
Iyanla tells her she’s not really connected to Soullow because she didn’t fall in love with him as a person. So his suicidal thoughts aren’t really sinking in with her.
Neffe gets defensive when Iyanla says that she should be out making money to help lower Soullow’s stress levels. She has a problem with this because she says Soullow told her she didn’t have to work as long as she takes care of the kids.
When Iyanla tells Neffe that Soullow says that she has laid hands on him, she gets upset and says that happened before they got married and hasn’t happened since so there was no need for him to bring it up.
Iyanla calls her out and says that it’s his experience and Neffe has no right to try to silence him.
Shortly after, production steps in and alerts Iyanla to the fact that Soullow is having a crisis and she needs to go see him.
What are your thoughts on the episode?
This was so sad to watch. I really hope they work things out.
I cried multiple times. They have both been through a lot.
Rooting for them.
It’s sad that both of them lost children.
Ready for part 2.
Sounds like I need to watch this.
Baggage is something you have to deal with before you get married. But at least they are going through the proper channels to get help and work things out.
I know Keyshia has tried to save her family but damn she can’t reach out and make sure they’re good?
For real though