‘Fix My Life’ Recap: Siblings Learn How to Cope With Past Trauma With Help From Iyanla
Iyanla shows the siblings the extent of their baggage.
The episode with Kadeem entering the home. Iyanla has trash bags by the door and Kadeem picks one up.
Inside of the bag is a crockpot. The appliance reminds Kadeem of a time where he was hit upside the head with a crockpot. In his interview, he says he had to perform s*xual acts with his siblings.
Kadara shows up next and she grabs her trash bag. Inside of her bag is a megaphone. Iyanla says Kadara lost her voice and Kadara agrees.
Michael shows up next and says he was abused with baseball bats and golf clubs. That abuse made him develop epilepsy. Inside of his trash bag is a ziplock bag of bread and water. That symbolizes having to eat just two pieces of bread and water for a month.
William was in prison for 14 years. It’s been upwards of 16 years since he saw his siblings. Of course, his trash bag is full of handcuffs.
His time growing up led him to a life of gangs. Shalimar shows up last and she wants her family to get back together.
Shalimar’s bag had a tiara. Her grandmother raised her and as a result, she had a pretty stable life.
The other objects in their bags are then dumped on a table. Michael says the objects on the table remind him of “troubled times.” Iyanla says these items symbolize the similarities of their childhood.
Iyanla sits with Kadeem next.
After this exercise, Iyanla sits with Kadeem, who wrote her. During their conversation, Kadeem doesn’t refer to his mom as mom. He calls her Rita. Kadeem says he and his twin sister Kadara were taken away from Rita and placed in foster care. When they were adopted, it was a toxic situation.
This situation included being forced to perform s*xual acts on his siblings and placed in a conversion therapy camp.
Iyanla says he was abandoned by Rita and adults that were fostering them.
As a result of the trauma, he was locked up multiple times. Iyanla tells him, “[He] was fighting for his survival all of his life.”
Iyanla helps Kadara find her voice and learns about Rita from Shalimar.
Next, Kadara sits with Iyanla and immediately jumps into the abuse they suffered. Kadara says that the abuse began when they were 5 and was done by people fourteen and older.
As Kadara cries, she doesn’t make a sound and Iyanla wants her to make sounds. She then tells Iyanla a story of having to touch her brother in order to eat.
“At that point, I didn’t want to eat. Bread and water were fine for me.” – Kadara
“You really did lose your voice. So, we need to find it.” – Iyanla
To find it, Iyanla takes her outside to yell at a mailbox. Iyanla says she need to find the B**** in herself to being to stand up for herself.
Shalimar was the only one raised by Rita’s mother which was a major source of the disconnect with her and her siblings. So Iyanla wonders why. Shalimar says all of her siblings were together.
Rita had a chance to stay with her mom and grandmother, or go with her boyfriend at the time. Of course, Rita chose to go with the man.
“My mother, I feel like she’s the root of all of this.” – Shalimar
The three brothers sit with Iyanla together.
Lastly, Iyanla has the boys sit together but in order of their ages. During their conversation, not only did Kadeem reveal the number of times he was arrested, William reveals Michael pulled a knife on him.
Iyanla will have the siblings sit with one another next.
It’s day two and William had a bad night. So Iyanla goes to see him. During their talk, William reveals he’s not sure his siblings can forgive them for not protecting his younger siblings Michael, Kadara and Kadeem.
Outside, Iyanla digs a hole and has William speak his pain into a hole. When he’s finished, they fill in the hole and Iyanla tells him it’s not his responsibility to protect them.
Shalimar’s revelation has her brothers reeling.
Finally, they all sit in front of one another. After it’s revealed Rita had Shalimar at 16, Shalimar breaks down. But she remains strong enough to reveal she was molested as a child. Kadeem knew about one of the perps that assaulted her. This causes her brothers to show anger in their faces.
Unfortunately, this seems to causes Michael to have an episode. He appears to have trouble breathing and the set medic approaches him. When he speaks finally, he says he been holding in his pain since he’s been a child and it’s been doing nothing but hurting himself.
Iyanla asks Michael if he can forgive himself for holding it in and hurting himself. She sits with him and gets him to say he forgives himself.
Next, Iyanla works on William. She gets him to say he hates the people that hurt them because they were adults.
“Somebody’s got to pay!” – Iyanla
William and Kadara apologize to one another.
It is revealed that William had to choose between starving or molesting his siblings. He eventually made the choice to molest his siblings. Kedara appears to be the most affected by this revelation.
When Iyanla notices that Kedara can’t bring herself to look at William, she calls for William to ask Kedara for forgiveness.
Kadara stands in front of him and speaks quietly. To get her to speak louder, Iyanla violently knocks their past off the table.
They both are able to tell one another they’re sorry for the way they hurt one another.
“He couldn’t protect you then but, he can protect you now.” – Iyanla
They finally share a hugging embrace, which was the first time in a while.
To end their day, Iyanla has their table cleaned and they share a dinner. Iyanla has William sit at the head of the table and encourages them to eat together. She also shares a quilt that they each get to keep for a year.
After filming, the siblings have been staying in touch with one another and Rita reached out to Iyanla for help reconnecting with her children.
What are your thoughts on the episode?