Sex Talk: Questions on Sex Tapes and Outside Crushes

Q. My boyfriend and I just made the six months mark last month. I can honestly say that this is one of the best relationships I have ever been in, and for once I feel like I have a partner that really cares about me. Communication is also key in our relationship, so we try to stay honest with each other when it comes to our sexual needs. But a couple weeks ago, he brought up the idea of making a sex tape. Now I love my man, but I have no desire to make a sex tape! It’s really not my style. He told me to think about it and he’s not rushing anything, but I know sooner or later he’s going to want an answer from me. I trust him, but I also know that things happen. I’d hate for anyone besides him to get their hands on a sex tape that he and I made in the privacy of our own home! Should I just trust that our tape won’t be someone else’s entertainment and go along with it or should I go with my gut and reject the offer?

A. Sex tapes are becoming pretty popular among committed couples and adventurous singles. In popular culture, we’ve seen a couple socialites become celebrities from sex tapes they’ve made with former lovers. As a result, we as a society have become somewhat desensitized to the damage that these tapes could possibly pose us regular folk. Let me make a couple of points that should help you make your decision.

You’ve only been with your man for six months. I know that seems like a lifetime to a generation that’s addicted to 4G internet and the Drive Thru versus a home cooked meal, but in all seriousness and brutal honesty, six months isn’t a long time relationship wise. Although you are happy now, there’s no guarantee you’ll be in that same place six months from now.

And we live in the Social Media age. Do you really want to make a sex tape that would only take minutes to upload on Twitter, Facebook, Media Take Out, and any other popular social media platform that has been the playground to angry lovers seeking revenge from an unforeseen split?

Your man might care for you now, but who’s to say he always will? Revenge is always sweeter when you have a sex tape and an active Facebook account. That tagging feature could be the death of your self-respect.

Now I’m not all against sex tapes, I just think they’re better suited for married couples. A man is least likely to share a sex tape that he made with his wife with his boys. Why? Well men just respect their wives on a totally different level than six month old girlfriends. But even then, if you married an immature boisterous jerk, he’d happily show his boys his bedroom tricks at your expense. Do you really want his boys to see you in your favorite position? I didn’t think so.

If you don’t want to be someone else’s source of sexual entertainment, I suggest you avoid making a sex tape with any man until he has something to lose by sharing it. And honestly, I don’t know a lot of married couples toting sex tapes. But then again, maybe married couples just keep better secrets.

I’d respectfully decline on that sex tape if I were you. If he’s as great as you say he is, he’ll understand, don’t you think?

Q. I’m in a committed relationship, and I consider myself to be a faithful partner. I never cheat on any of my boyfriends, and I try to be extremely considerate while being in a relationship. Lately, I find myself being attracted to men outside of my relationship. In particular, I have developed an interest in a co-worker that I have a lot of things in common with. I haven’t cheated, but I find myself thinking about him all the time. I feel really guilty because my boyfriend has not done anything to deserve my eyes to wander. Am I wrong for being attracted to another man in a relationship and how do I stop my interest in other men?

A. The funny thing about relationships and marriage is that we really expect our commitment to either to somehow prevent our physical attraction to others. Sorry, but it just won’t. You will be attracted to other men and even meet some great men while you are in a committed relationship; It’s one of the cons of being committed. It’s amazing how good guys are scarce when you’re single, but they become an endless supply when you’re in a serious relationship.

No matter how strong the attraction you have for this man outside of your relationship, acting on those feelings is where the problem starts. If you care about your man, let the Eye Candy at work stay just as he is: Eye Candy.

There’s no need to get to know him better or develop a friendship…you have a man and that’s all the friend you need from the opposite sex.

And you can’t really stop the attraction to other men, as it’s just human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex. However, you are in total control of how far an attraction can possibly go. If you value what you have at home, keep it at home.

It’s also possible that the attraction is distracting you because your relationship has lost it’s spark. Maybe this is a good reason to examine your relationship and see if you’re doing all you can to keep it from going stale. Have a good conversation with your man and see how you two can bring the fire back to relationship that could be lacking some intensity.

As you bring back the passion to your own romance, you might find yourself less attracted to the man at work. Happy women do not tend to stray or feel the need to have Eye Candy at the office.

So take that outside passion and bring it into your own relationship. I guarantee it will be enough to get your relationship off life support and keep you from doing something you will regret later on.

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