Two years ago, I was dating this guy and we both got tested for STD’s before we became intimate. A few months after we began a sexual relationship, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn’t walk, pee, or drive; I couldn’t do anything without being in severe pain. I finally decided to make a trip to my doctor, in hopes that she could figure out what was wrong with me and possibly prescribe something for the pain. Unfortunately, the doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong, and so I returned home with no answers and no medication. The doctor visit was hopeless, and the pain grew worse as I attempted to urinate. As I could take the pain no longer, I urinated in the tub doggy style just so cold water can hit my vagina, so it wouldn’t burn as bad. Certain that the condition was getting worse, I went back to the doctor the next day. She again informs me that she isn’t able to diagnose my condition, and I arrive to my breaking point. I could not believe that my own doctor couldn’t figure out what was happening to my body, nor did she feel the need to supply me any medication. I had to know what was wrong with me…so I took a trip to the emergency room, while my mother accompanied me for support.
During my emergency room visit, they determined that I was severely dehydrated. That was not a surprise to me, since I had cut out a lot of fluids since urination had become so painful. I was given an i.v. and a catheter because I had held in my urine for 26 hours. They collected one liter of urine from me. The visit went downhill from here.
The doctor arrives to the room, and I’m nervous and anxious to hear what has been causing me all this misery. I did not expect to find out what I did. In a matter of seconds, my entire life was changed.
He (the doctor) informs me that I have Herpes and 14 open lesions on my vagina. At 22 years old, I was diagnosed with an STD that I would have for the rest of my life.
I was stunned, but unable to cry anymore. I laid in the hospital bed feeling defeated, and listened as my mother wept. I had trusted my boyfriend, and in turn, he had given me an STD that would remain with me forever.
The doctor prescribed me some type of numbing creme to ease the pain, and allow me to urinate with experiencing any pain. I was also prescribed Valtrex, as well as a visit to the ENT (ears, nose, and throat) doctor since I also had strep throat.
When I returned home, I was still in pain and too afraid to pee. I decided to call my boyfriend, and I wanted answers. Did he know he had Herpes? And did he do this intentionally? I needed to know, because I felt life my entire life was over, and because of him, I was now just damaged goods.
My boyfriend claimed he had no idea that he had Herpes, and apologized for my the pain he had caused me. To me, these words were just bulls–t, and I decided to get the real answers from a more reliable source: his best friend.
I called his best friend, and told him everything. As I got emotional on the phone, my boyfriend’s best friend decided it would be best for me to speak to my boyfriend’s last girlfriend. He gave me the ex’s number, and I dialed her number to get the answers I needed. She tells me that my boyfriend had given her Herpes too, knocked her up, and had the nerve to demand she get an abortion. The tears that I couldn’t find in the emergency room began to run down my cheeks.
I explained to her that I had been responsible,,,we did get tested, together. Everything came back negative. She then tells me that he pulled the same trick on her, and the test he took with her had came back negative as well. She said that he knows that you have to ask to be tested for herpes, but I again explained that we had been tested. But it was at that moment that I realized that I didn’t know enough about STD’s, and that perhaps my boyfriend took advantage of that, and intentionally infected me with an STD.
We hung up and shortly after I called my boyfriend’s best friend back. I asked him why he decided to help me, and he told me that he felt like it was the right thing to do, since this is not the first time my boyfriend has done this. During all of this, my boyfriend could not be found for 2 weeks. I made frequent trips to his house, waited for hours, and he never showed up. I finally heard from a little birdy that he had relocated to another city, and eventually moved in with his mother, and I had no idea where she stayed.
What’s the worst part of all of this, in addiction to me a having an STD that I can never get rid of? I work with this “man.” So everyday I go to work, I am constantly reminded of all the pain he put me through.
The entire situation took a toll on me emotionally. I was embarrassed, depressed and I felt completely betrayed and alone. Every time I saw someone, I thought to myself that they weren’t carrying a STD that they would have for the rest of their life. I honestly felt like I was the only one in the world who had Herpes. I had no one to talk to. Who would honestly understand what I was going through?
But just like that, a co-worker pulled me to the side one day and told me that she had Herpes. I began to cry, as she told me her story. Only my mother and my cousin knew I had Herpes, so how did she know what I had been going through? My [ex] boyfriend was purposely infecting women with the disease, so I know that he had not told any of our co-workers that I had the STD. I took this as a blessing from God, and she and I formed a close friendship. She is now like a big sister to me, and she has helped me cope with the lifelong disease.
And even though I felt like damaged goods, I met an amazing man who though otherwise. I cried for days before I told him I had Herpes, but even after I told him, he told me he still wanted to be with me. He was willing to learn more about the disease, so we could both have a safe relationship. He also didn’t view me as a nasty infected tramp, but instead, as a woman who had trusted a man that she shouldn’t have. He doesn’t feel contracting the disease is the end of the world, and he still wanted to be with me. And two years later, we’re still going strong and he still loves me. He knows that stress can cause outbreaks, so he makes sure that I have less stress in my life and in our relationship. I want to have a family one day, so I am afraid of giving it to my man, and having an outbreak through my pregnancy. But I know we will work together to make sure that those things don’t happen.
I’m sharing my story because I know I want to help someone else like my coworker helped me. Sometimes we all just need to see someone in our lives overcome the obstacles that we are stumbling against. I figure if someone else is infected with the disease, this will give them the courage they need to forgive themselves and move forward. I am at a point in my life where I love myself, and I accept that this STD will always be a part of me. I didn’t know enough about getting tested, and I trusted someone with my life when I shouldn’t have. But I hope women will read this story, and realize that they should be getting tested for EVERY SINGLE STD out there. I know we always hear about AIDS and HIV, but there are so many other STDs out there that can impact your life forever. Some of these disease are lifelong like Herpes, and some of them can lead to cervical cancer and even keep women from ever having children.
We have to be more protective of our bodies, and get more education on these diseases. Most importantly, we have to be mentors to these young girls who don’t understand the dangers of sex. Children are having sex at an even younger age than we were, and they need to know all of the risks.
And most importantly, these stories shouldn’t be taboo anymore, but instead motivation to make better choices. If more people came out and shared their experiences like I have chosen to do, just maybe we can initiate the dialogue necessary to save lives and empower women to value theirs.
Signed,
No Longer a Victim
This is just scary! It is crazy that someone would do this to anyone, but it's a common issue. I appreciate this young woman for speaking up, and I hope it makes women educate themselves more about the different tests out here. We do need to get tested for everything, and most importantly, always wear a condom! No man is worth your life and worth this much pain. I'm glad she got control of her life and found happiness despite of.
It takes a low down person to do this to someone, but this could serve as a lesson for a lot of women. I thank this woman for sharing her story
Whoa!I respect this woman, because I would have ended up in jail! Lesson: Always wear a condom and get tested for everything!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Some may think "this can't/won't happen to me" or "you gotta do this to prevent that" but the truth is, when you're in the moment, all these things don't cross your mind. You cover the surface and think that's all there is to it until things from beneath start to rise. Lesson learned….
I met a wonderful man after being widowed. We were both tested for everything- both clean. We moved in from out-of-state to help help his ailing father and brother. Turned out, the brother had all sorts of diseases, including Hep and HIV–he has since died. He was pure evil and would brag that he intentionally gave people HIV. Both had disgusting health habits, and the brother hated me for not tolerating all the urine, fecal matter (and later, the bother's vomit) that they would leave on the floor and furniture. The father would go for weeks without bathing, and it had been years since he had brushed what was left of his teeth. The house was flooded in the basement and there was mold growing everywhere. They refused to use air conditioning. It was a huge petri dish.We both got tested for everything again one year after being here. I turned up with herpes I and II. I have never have had any lesions anywhere, fortunately–it is only in my blood. My husband does not have either in his system. I believe I was infected on purpose by the brother. MY QUESTION IS–HOW DID HE DO IT?
im not proud to admit this but i intentionally infected by boyfriend with herpes. we have been dating about 4 years. my 1st outbreak happened about 2-3 weeks after we had had oral sex. he admitted that he had a cold sore at the time time. and i KNOW that he had been intimate with at least 1 other woman from time to time who lived in another state. so he went to the doctor with me and there was no clear diagnosis, she just said that the lesions "looked herpetic". when we discussed it, my boyfriend said he didnt feel that he was responsible and that hurt me because i had been faithful to him. i thought tht was low down and a very disrespectful thing to say to be considering how long we've been together and he knows i havent been with anyone else. i followed up by going to another doctor who ran some tests and confirmed that i do indeed have herpes. it broke my spirit. so i made the decision to take revenge into my own hands and decided that i would give the herpes infection BACK to him since i felt he already probably knew he had it anyway and just wasnt being honest with me. and even if he truly asymptomatic and did not know, but he certainly could have been more synpathetic and supportive. instead he blew me off KNOWING i have not been unfaithful to him. so after he stated his postion, i never mentioned the "herpes"problem again but i still was very angry and hurt. so i had another outbreak recently, probably because ive been so stressed out and depressed. and he wanted to have sex with me so i allowed it to happen, during the outbreak. i just let him help himself to a heaping dose of herpes as he performed oral sex on me and intercourse and just had himself a grand ole time. we made love for 2 days so now hopefully, he is infected to the max. im just waiting for that phone call when he tells me about those painful little blisters on his penis… i may decide to have sex with him again because i cant contract herpes twice and at least i wont have to worry about explaining all this to a new lover…at least not yet. i still have to figure out how to live with this infection for the remainder of my life. of course i have enough sense to know that what i did is absolutely descipable and morally wrong but i have to admit, that it has made me feel a lot better. nothing in the world is as dangerous as a woman scorned…except a women whose lover has given her herpes and then left her to deal with all by herself.
I went through the same thing. It's really not the end of the world…I got it when I was 23. I went through two years of drug addiction that I fully blame on herpes and not having confidence to be with anyone sexually that I could trust. I now have a wonderful boyfriend (who dosne't have the disease) and he loves me for me. I am so greatful that I have went through the things I have went through I wouldn't be the same person. It takes alot of strenth to say that but with or without herpes I am still a good person.
I was recently in a relationship with a woman I had met a year ago , and we have had conversations on and off on about a year until last month , she came by on February 14th we were together, but I noticed some lesions on her in a odd place , so the next few days I kept thinking about it and called her to take her to see my doctor. as it turns out it was genital warts. but that was not the end of it. it turns out she had HSV II and third to tell me it had only been a yeast infection, I remeber her telling me back during the Christmas Holidays she had been sick. but swore up and down it was only a yeast infection… as a Retired Health Care Professional they don't treat yeast with Acyclovir/GancyclovirI reported her to the STD Carriers board because she refused to be tested for HIV and would not identify who her previous sex partners had been and kept changing her story.. happy to say I dodged the bullet on this one. but that was too close for comfort in todays worldgo here for morehttp://stdcarriers.com/registry/search.aspx