I know we like to have closure but is it always needed?
By: Taren Vaughan
As much as we long to be in relationships, some of them are just not meant to last an eternity. It gets to the point where you have done all that you can do to save what you have with someone. Trying to talk to them about how you are feeling is a dead end street. Being patient and understanding when things are not going at a pace of your liking has become overly frustrating. It’s just not working out between the two of you at all. It’s time to move on. But you just can’t bring yourself to simply do that without saying something to him. So you take it upon yourself to let him know how you feel just one last time. Is all that really necessary though? Why do we feel like we have to have that last word?
We all know us women like closure in most everything that we do. We don’t like leaving things unfinished and up in the air, especially when it comes to relationships. That final say so is what many of us need to feel like we weren’t totally defeated. And some of us don’t stop there. We have to resort to the lengthy emails and hand written letters (for the true romantics out there). Wait a minute, did you really just waste your valuable paper and ink on this fool? We have to stop and think sometimes ladies: Does doing all that serve a true purpose?
Was that email that you sent him really needed? He already knows that he is selfish, full of himself, lazy, trifling, all of the above. So why must you tell him that again? Let us do without the repetition. And even if that wasn’t the tone of your message to him, I’m almost certain that he knew exactly how you felt the entire time that you were dealing with him. I’ll say it again, there is absolutely no need to voice your feelings a second, third or fourth time. To be honest, he probably wasn’t even worth your words. That time you spent pouring your heart and soul out could have been used to do something much more productive.
Leaving a relationship with out a word to say is not enough for us. We have to draw the process out even longer by adding extra phone calls and emails to the equation. As I write this, there is a sister out there getting her speed dial ready to give her man that final phone conversation to officially wrap things up. Put the phone down honey. If he didn’t care about what you were trying to tell him before, what makes you think he will care now? Save your breath for someone who truly wants to hear what you have to say. A man who is willing to listen to your concerns and compromise on things to better your relationship with him.
As good as we may feel about getting the last word when we are in the midst of a break-up, it’s not always needed. And sometimes it can leave you feeling worse than you started. You begin to question whether or not you should have said anything else to him in the first place. Sometimes, we just can’t help ourselves and we put everything out on the table just one last time. All of us have been guilty of it I’m sure. We will soon learn though that we can do without those last words. We make ourselves believe that they will change the outcome of our situations and they do nothing but make things worse most of the time. Get the last word if you must but it probably won’t change a thing. Take my advice. Walk away silently.
