Are You In a Relationship By Yourself?

Warning: This article is by no means a nasty attempt to ruffle feathers. Instead, it’s an article to inspire and hell even wake up some women trapped in a semi permanent slumber that involves a fantasy committed relationship, with some man who has no idea he’s committed. And even for the men who have some idea that they are involved in a serious relationship, they still somehow manage to put everything before that particular relationship. Rather it be a career, school, friends/groupies, sideline sexin’, triflin textin’ or whatever it is that sparks more interest than you…you are indeed in a relationship by your damn self. Everyone else can see this solo love affair you’ve got going on but you. And I ask my dear, are you that afraid to be alone that you have settled to be alone in an imaginary relationship that only exists in your head, and not in the physical realm that involves reciprocated feelings and an acknowledgement publicly that you are the real deal? Instead, you’ve settle for the label of desperate single woman who will settle for shiny things in broken houses, verses being patient and laying down some better bricks. A good man was coming eventually, but you had to have a man right now, even if he wasn’t so…good, right? How’s that invisible relationship working out for you?

Again, no shade, but so many women are involved in fake relationships. What’s fake you ask?

It always begins with the brother that has way too many options. He’s fine as hell, intelligent, sexy and extremely ambitious…and every woman with a radar knows this. They spot this man like an authentic Louis bag in a room fool of those cheap ass looking clones, and while the getting looks good, not once have they considered that hefty price tag that comes along with a bullsh-tter in fancy rags. He’s got it going on, but he’s raggedy when it comes to the relationship thing. Yet, he talked you into dreamland, and you’re on board to fantasy island where fake relationships run rampant.

Women involved in these frivolous unions all talk the same, act the same, and reek the same stench of naivete. 

As I previously mentioned, it always beings with the brother that has too many options. He’s a charmer, a persuader, as well as an intellectual brother that uses his intelligence for evil. Since he knows what to say to women, he charms that thick wall of yours down, but you don’t mind it, because it feels good. And surely, you begin to fall for this man and a relationship only seems right. Wrong.

It’s so wrong, you can’t even make it right. You are the sole person putting anything into the relationship, yet you don’t receive a damn thing in return. You speak of love as if you somehow have managed to find that in a rubble of dust (nothing is there), since the foundation was non existent, all you’re living for is the possibilities. The possibility that just maybe he’ll make more time for you after he accomplishes all of his career aspirations. The possibility that he may finally get rid of the sidepieces and be faithful. The possibility that he may actually acknowledge that he’s even in a relationship. Or the possibility that makes the plastic love affair worth all the shenanigans of attempting to fool everyone who’s watching: the possibility that he could finally learn to love you back. But even the possibilities are slim because this man doesn’t even have time to acknowledge the potential or the existence of the relationship outside of convenient sex and your constant displays of “love” that have yet to be returned.

When I was the woman in the relationship by herself, it was very painful to acknowledge that my relationship was merely just for show, but in reality, it was just empty and looked prettier than it really was. It’s hard to love someone when they don’t even love you back, yet I had made a whole relationship off of that raggedy ass premise. Sadly, most women will do this a few times before they realize that a woman should never fall in love with a man who’s too busy to love her back. It’s a waste of time, but worst of all, a waste of emotions that you will never get back. Yeah I know they say it’s better to love and lost than to not have loved at all, but I say it’s always better to love someone who will love you back. 

If you’re the only one putting effort into your relationship, then it isn’t real. There’s comes a point in time when a woman just has to realize that she isn’t in love with a man, but in love with the possibilities that come with that man. And the possibilities won’t keep you warm at night when he’s not there, they clearly can’t love you back nor can the possibilities make a man do better when he doesn’t really want to. 

If you’re giving more love than you’re getting, it’s time to see this relationship for what it is. One big blood sucking, love faking waste of time. The longer you go on with the inauthentic interpretation of love, the longer you will put off getting the real thing. Hint: the real thing won’t have you feeling shorted.

I can’t really explain how it happened, but one day I had an epiphany and realized that the man that I adored and so much, really wasn’t anything more than a selfish jackass who was too busy living life to love me…his own damn girlfriend. It did hurt to realize that what I thought was love was nothing more than some tired romance novel playing in my head, and I would never get close to the romance I was obsessing over by staying in my non-existent relationship. Some women can settle for a title and pretty label of girlfriend, but me, I’d rather have real love that goes deeper than what just looks pretty.

What we had was gorgeous, but inside, it was an ugly waste of time.

And to be in a relationship by yourself, is the epitome of loneliness. See your situation for what it really is, and get the courage to leave a relationship that doesn’t involve two people, but only one naive person who is settling for possibilities that will never materialize. 

Love unreturned, is no love at all. A real relationship involves two people…so what do you have?