Many women will foolishly turn down the nice guy because he’s too boring and predictable. But aren’t good guys supposed to be predictable?
By: Amanda Anderson
I write this in complete love. And I’m not saying I love you because it sounds good. I’m telling you that I love you as my sister, and just like a sister, sometimes we have to give each other a reality check. And there is a sister out there who needs a reality check, because she continuously passes over love for excitement, all because what was best for her lacked the drama. She declares that there aren’t enough good men to pick from, yet she’s passed up several for the douche bag she’s still dating.
This woman could be your closest girlfriend, your sister, cousin, or even yourself. But we all know her, and constantly wonder how many times she has to call us crying before she actually gives the man a chance that would actually have her smiling. Some of us wonder why she turns down men for being too nice, in exchange for men who will only treat her like sh-t.
When it comes to selecting men, although she may complain that there is an ugly shortage of good brothers lurking over her single shoulders, there’s also an awful epidemic of naivete and poor taste that will keep a lot of women single and ultimately unhappy, craving a love they will never have. You see, not only did love appear in this woman’s life a few times, she overlooked this love because it wasn’t tall enough, handsome enough, making a large salary or exciting enough to invoke weekly conversation with her girlfriends. This potential love wasn’t anything like the movies, dramatic enough to invoke her deepest desires, or a rebel enough to keep her interests. He was just…nice. And surely the nice guys are too boring to love, right?
These women say they want a good man and they are hard to find, yet they continue to pass down men who exemplify the traits of a good man because they say he lacks passion. I guess his passion to make you happy isn’t better than some douche bag’s passion to keep your ass on an emotional roller coaster, correct?
So who better to keep your life full of excitement than a douche bag? Now before you tell me I’m tripping and crazy to even suggest such a thing, look around you, and you’ll be able to spot at least 5 of your girlfriends who have gladly made the switch from nice to douche. They complain constantly about how awful men are but they only date douche bags. Treat these women like sh-t and they’ll love you. Treat them right, and you’ll bore them to death.
These women are just as bad as the “scientists” who chase tornadoes. They see beauty and potential in the storm, while the rest of us only see a natural disaster. This brother could wreck havoc in their life and knock down opportunities of real love; yet these sisters feel like devastation has to be better than the peaceful brother who rather avoid the storms.
Think I’m exaggerating? Consider that there are millions of women who have traded in the nice old boring guy for the exciting and new douche bag. Women will gladly turn down the guy who actually does what he says (boring) in exchange for the guy who does what he wants (exciting).
Now you know how the typical douche bag rolls…he’s not too big on being predictable. Oh no, he likes to keep you on your toes. He has a signature style of keeping you guessing and you’ll never know his next move because he treats all his relationships like a game, and he isn’t trying to lose.
But that boring dude actually treats his relationships like a partnership. You’re his equal, and he rather have a tie than win and have you lose. But since he’s too predictable and has no bad boy balls, you’re politely turning him down for the douche bag. Yes, that’s right. You just turned down the guy who actually wants to treat your right for the guy who won’t even treat you to dinner. Make any sense?
So instead, you’ll be guessing on rather he is going to actually call you back, be faithful, or even take you out on a date this month. But the guessing game is more exciting than the man who actually keeps his word though isn’t it?
Now I’m not perfect, hell I’ve made many mistakes and dated quite a few douche bags. I can call these men many things, but I could never call them boring. Each week I had to question who they were sideline sexin’ or rather they would make time for me that week. That was the most exciting time of my life, wondering just how many women my boyfriend was entertaining at my expense.
Infidelity…just oozes with excitement, doesn’t it?
And even through all of that excitement, there was always some less exciting guy asking me out to dinner. One guy went so far as to cook me dinner, but even that was a total snooze fest.
And of course, I stayed with the douche bags, as these boring nice men finally gave up and moved on. Eventually, they met a more stable woman, who was smart enough to see them for what they were…a total catch.
After all the pain and frustration of those relationships, I finally decided that the excitement wasn’t really what I needed. But what I did need was a man that treated me right, who would do what the hell he says he’s going to do, and not view me as an competitor, but a partner in a relationship that was meant for two people to be happy.
Here’s the truth, healthy and good relationships are boring. They involve two people who believe in following through with their promises, and maintaining peace in their relationship.
Have you ever talked to a woman who was happy in her relationship?
She’ll tell you that her man is totally predictable, hates to argue, and is the most dependable man she’s ever been with. The excitement she gets comes from knowing she’s loved, and the biggest surprise she’ll get is a bouquet of flowers she wasn’t even expecting.
This woman doesn’t have to wonder if her man will call her back, follow through with his promises, or give his all in a relationship. His woman is not his enemy, so he doesn’t feel the need to battle, but he does feel the need to keep peace. And it’s these things that demonstrate that it is he who values the relationship more than the douche bag who’s always willing to take a gamble on your happiness.
Now I didn’t write this to offend, but I wrote it because I used to be the serial douche bag dater. Yes, I was the crazy woman who passed up numerous opportunities for real love in exchange for the man who couldn’t even keep his promises, or be faithful longer than two weeks.
After growing up a little and realizing that boring dudes make better husbands, boyfriends, and lovers; I cut off any guy the first sign of excitement. If I couldn’t count on you to return my phone calls, I couldn’t continue to date you. I guess raising standards attracts a better plethora of men because once I had some standards, the douche bags couldn’t wait to get away from me. And who was left still standing? Exactly.
So I suggest if you’re looking for real love, you stay clear of those exciting brothers. Love is supposed to never fail, be patient, and be kind; yet we’re forcing love with men who refuse to keep promises and treat us with respect. But the man who can do all those things, won’t be so unpredictable. But just maybe that’s what all women need. I’d rather have a man who has my back, than the man who has my stomach in knots.
Stability, there’s nothing better.
This made me laugh, but is very true. On paper it makes no sense to turn down the nice guy, but in real life, so many women do. In the end, we realize hows stupid we were to turn down a man for being too nice. Good read.
At this point, I WISH I knew a nice guy, because I would handcuff him at this point. It is really terrible out here, and I would be foolish to turn down a nice guy when so many are corrupt! lol
This has to be one of my favorite articles from you Amanda. Just awesome.
BRAVO!!! I needed to read this.
I can only say AMEN to every single word in this article. As a nice guy at 23 years of age, I cannot count the number of women who have turned me down for the "dumba**", but after a few months they end up being single because they got f-ed over by the same douche bag they thought was just the best thing since sliced bread, and wonder why they can't find a guy that treats them right! Go figure. It is a societal problem that needs to change. Women have all these wants, but fail to find what the NEED. Unfortunately they learn this after being hurt numerous times and it's too late to say "I told you so." Another part of the picture is her friends. What are her friends like? Do the emulate the same characteristics? Are all of their men douche bags? Birds of a feather flock together, and if the girl you are dating hands around this element, chances are, she emulates some of those idiosyncrasies. I just recently, after a 6 month relationship, got dumped because she was not ready for commitment. Whenever a girl tells you this, RUN right away. But at least she was honest with me, but I had to find out she was in bed with her "soon to be" weeks before she broke up with me. And how are they two months after? NOT together. So she lost a REAL MAN, a GOOD man and an HONEST man. To the brothers who read this article as I did, please know there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. I am still looking, but I remain faithful. Keep faith, socialize and meet new people and NEVER turn back. If she finally wakes up and tries to contact you again, let her suffer and say No. If she didn't acknowledge your qualities, then she probably never will. You don't want to have any part of her issues. You losing her may just have been your benefit!
thank you 🙂
thankyou 🙂