Dumb Phrases You Need to Stop Saying: “N-ggas Ain’t Sh-t!”

In the midst of our dating frustrations, it’s obvious that women will say and do many things in complete anger, and even an undeniable bout of bitterness. It’s understandable to be emotional when love doesn’t quite pan out the way we imagined it to, but all too often, women have stereotypically labeled a group of males that couldn’t meet their expectations, without even once understanding that just maybe the bigger question is why we continue to date this type of male. Why haven’t we questioned ourselves, asked the tough question that is the only true step to solving our dating woes–why is any grown woman dating n-ggas?

We as a people have tried unsuccessfully to change a negative label into a positive one. However, the sting of the original definition of a word meant to torture our ancestors hasn’t softened or been eliminated completely. Hence, even in our current day society, black people themselves continue to attach negative stereotypes to the one word we fight so hard to change and even justify.

In our music, it’s the n-ggas that we want to approach violently, our critics, our haters…rarely have they been our brothers. We’re desiring real men, yet we’re not dating them. Real men don’t “hustle” on the street corners slanging illegal substances to support their families–they get jobs. Even amongst ourselves, the black people that we usually feel drag us back to 400 years have always been…n-ggas. So if it’s safe to say that most of the males we’ve been dating aren’t men, maybe its safe to say that we too share some blame in our dating dilemmas. 

If we want success in our relationships, why are we dating n-ggas in the first place?

As always, it’s the n-ggas that black women complain about…the ones who lie and break our hearts, don’t take care of their children, and treat women like mere concubines. As ignorant to manhood as these n-ggas are, we’ve become sick of the cycle, yet we won’t do anything to break it.

Through all of our disappointments, we continue to date the same type of males time after time. Why we put ourselves through the same cycle and expect different results–I’ll never really understand, but it’s clear we have to recognize the pattern before we can make things better.

We’ve been running Urban Belle for about a year now, and I get plenty of emails regarding the tone of our publication. While we do have plenty of support for our belief in responsibility from both genders, we also get criticism for many of the views that we publish week after week–from black women.

Apparently, they have an issue with our stance that black women aren’t victims, but the captains of our own lives. As a result, we believe happiness is at our own discretion–and that’s the discretion of who we allow in our lives. We believe that when a black woman isn’t happy with the pattern of men she’s been dating, that only she can change that. Yes, we go against the other publications that suggest that it’s the men who choose the women. We have seen first hand that it is the woman who chooses the man, and the women who set the standards on which they themselves are treated. We don’t preach to the choir because obviously it hasn’t been effective in the community of black relationships. 

Black women on average continue to choose the wrong mates, and as a result, we develop a distinct hate for black men, when it’s black men that they haven’t once dated. Subconsciously we must know this, hence the birth of the whole “n-ggas ain’t sh-t” phrase. 

Yes, deep down inside we know we weren’t dating real men, so why all the anger towards black men? Can you hate something you don’t really know?

I didn’t think so.

Instead of running to your girlfriends and discussing how much you hate n-ggas, why won’t you upgrade yourself to real men? 

I am not in any way, shape, or form condoning a word that reeks in racial degradation (no matter who uses it), but there is a significant difference in the mentality of the black man who views himself as a man, and the black male who views himself as just another n-gga. The one who sees himself as a man respects responsibility, but the one who’s proudly just another n-gga, despises it. The latter doesn’t even respect women because he doesn’t believe any exist…just b-tches and hoes.

You’ll notice that hip hop has become their idol, their model of life…and their whole vocabulary testifies to just that. These males are a product of our failing hip hop (rap) culture, not prospective husbands and fathers. So can anyone really be surprised that they have no clue on how to treat women?

It’s simple, only include men in your dating life. You won’t be compatible to every man, but you can’t have a healthy relationship with a black male who hasn’t yet mastered manhood. While altered and exaggerated statistics paint a portrait of desperation for black women, there is absolutely no need to settle for someone who is still in awe of his penis, but still has no clue on what a man even is supposed to be.

Love, live, and enjoy every bit of it. But for goodness sake, please stop dating n-ggas and blaming the real men for the outcome.