Most may treat sex casually, but according to the experts, sex is about bonding. So who are we bonding to?
By: Amanda Anderson
This afternoon, on my way from work, I did my usual radio station hopping. This usually involves an in and out from Ryan Cameron, who does his thing afternoons on V-103, and Michael Basiden who gets it in during the rush hour traffic, straight old school, on 107.5. Now I love both because they talk about interesting topics, during a decent music selection…but I have to say Basiden came a little harder on the subject tip as usual. Today, he focused on relationships, and most particularly, the impact of sex…and a lack thereof.
He had some sex expert/therapist on there, and she spoke about the growing disconnect of couples as a result of a lack of sex. Her perspective is that women have a nasty reputation of having no real interest or enjoyment in sex, and men regard this as biblical truth. As a result, most men view sex as something that’s solely for their enjoyment, and as they age and lose interest (as old age does), they don’t see the need to force an issue that’s only been good to them…and so blah to us.
While this is purely objective….she stated that the key to a healthy and happy home is three orgasms a week–for both men and women involved in committed relationships.
She, as many others, says that sex is more than physical satisfaction, but it is also a form of bonding that must be utilized regularly to keep two people connected, and passionate for one another.
And the orgasm, it only enforces that we still care about pleasing our partner…and the lack of an orgasm says that we don’t care about pleasing our partners.
Seeing as I am always thinking and meditating on relationships, sex, and prosperous unions–I thought about it and came to my own conclusions.
For one thing, it’s clear that we as a society have taken sex and placed it in the wrong context. We’re using it in the wrong places and for the wrong reasons so much that we don’t even consider it in the right places–a committed relationship, and most importantly, marriage.
How can we have less sex in marriage? That doesn’t even make any sense. Marriage was created for many reasons…and yes, sex was one of them. However, we’ve let society’s beautification of promiscuity tell us that marriage has no real purpose, outside of legal validity and reassurance.
As a result, we now view the single life as a time for the best, and most frequent sex of our lives…and marriage is the end of our orgasms.
Hell, we don’t wait for marriage to connect with people sexually, and by the time we do marry, it’s hard to admit we’ve connected with so many meaningless people, that the one who does mean something, is sadly just another number…and just another connection versus the only connection we’ve ever established.
To understand the seriousness of sex, one must consider the man and woman’s difference in anatomy.
A man must enter a woman in order to engage in sex with her. Why don’t we consider how sacred this is?
It’s so sacred that our failure to keep it sacred results in a variety of diseases, forms of cancer, and even death.
Yet, we don’t feel the need to maintain a connection sexually with our spouses, the most sacred of partners?
Pretty sad.
I’m pretty sure a wack sex life plays a pretty big factor in the surging divorce rate in this country. Sure, most cite finances as the number one reason of splits, but I’m pretty sure most divorced couples will also admit that once financial obstacles became prevalent…sex became obsolete. And once we stop physically connecting and bonding with our spouses, I can only imagine that problems (and even financial ones) become even harder to work through with someone you aren’t even vibin’ to.
I get that real life happens, kids are born, work is demanding, and life is hard…but we can’t forget what sex was created for once we get into marriage.
Most importantly, we can’t forget just what an orgasm means to a union. Sure, it is single handedly one of the best sensations we’ll ever experience in our entire lives, but it has an emotional significance to a couple that cannot be forgotten. Pleasing our partners sexually is the biggest indicator that we do care about their happiness–so three times a week of demonstrating that we give a damn probably is the surest way to keep our relationships and marriages healthy.
I don’t know about you, but I do see sex as a way to connect and bond with someone. And for that reason, I’m very selective of who I connect with, and just who I decide to enter into my body. Sure, sex feels good. But it has a deeper meaning than wet panties and fun times. It makes two people one and keeps two people intertwined, even as the years escape us–that connection can’t truly be undone, however, it can be reinforced.
And just maybe we ought to only connect to the people we see ourselves reconnecting with for the rest of our lives…because the truth is, you’re going to need to.
Beautifully written, Amanda! I can always look to you to share truths that may seem uncomfortable but it definitely needs to be said. The media attempts to completely saturate our lives with promiscuity and force us to see it as liberation so anyone who actually sees it for what it truly is, is made to feel "old fashioned" or as if our belief is obsolete…keep up the good work! I know I'm late but still wanted to let you know I agree and appreciated the read!
Maybe, premarital sex is what is causing the divorce as well. What I see in my friends marriages is a lack of sex because they do not fully trust their husbands. Women use sex to get commitment and men use sex to get love. . After they are married many women realize that sex is just sex to their husbands and not the bonding experience it is supposed to be.
Correction: Girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex. The guy does it because he wants it more than the relationship itself.