Desperation for titles turns into settling for role playing.
By: Amanda Anderson-Niles
I’m a newlywed. I’m still fresh into this whole marriage thing, and if I know anything, it’s that I don’t know enough. There has to be literally thousands of books that promise to offer the best in marriage and relationship advice, but marriage is just one of those things you have to experience first to even come close to getting it…and somewhat understanding it.
The success we’ve always had running this magazine has been a rawness. We weren’t necessarily preaching, but more so revealing our past mistakes in hopes to make someone a lot smarter than we were at the time of the error. But in every relationship article was true emotion. And I’ve become emotional to society’s blatant disrespect to marriage. Since reciting my vows at the altar and proclaiming to share my life with this one man until death, I now wince at anyone who treats their boyfriend as husband.
Now this isn’t about me feeling like I’m somehow better due to my newly obtained nuptials. But I’d be a liar and a very naive one if I didn’t acknowledge the ultimate disrespect many seem to have regarding marriage.
You see, I for the life of me could never understand how any man who hasn’t made the ultimate commitment deserves to be treated as the king in my household.
I simply refused to treat any man like my husband if he wasn’t my husband. I’m sure my mentality isn’t the most attractive to any man who isn’t interested in committing, but rejection and disinterest from the wrong kind of men is a good thing.
I made up in my head during my single days that I wasn’t going to be cooking, cleaning, and screwing a man who wasn’t really mine…all mine.
No, playing house was never an option for me as I never saw the benefits in catering to some man that could easily walk away at any moment.
Call me crazy, self righteous, boogie and even arrogant; but I wasn’t going to act like a wife to any man until I was a wife.
And it turns out that strategy worked out for me eventually as now I am a wife. I’m pretty sure my husband realized while we were dating that me caving to the pressure of our society’s obsession to become “wifey” just wasn’t a reality for me. I wasn’t going to settle for becoming wifey when I knew I could become wife.
This is the same reason I think ride or die chicks are delusional. The only man we should be riding or dying for is our husbands. Not some knuckle head who still refuses to commit to you and refuses to make choices that will benefit your relationship because he rather show his boys how real he is or how many women he can still keep on the side.
Dating is merely a series of auditions. And until engagement or marriage, no man deserves an ultimate commitment from you. No, I’m not saying you should be bagging several men while dating that one brother you really like, but I am saying that women shouldn’t feel obligated to stay and work things out with men we aren’t married to.
Yes ladies, we should walk away from any man who hasn’t shown us any real reason to stay. That boyfriend title just isn’t great enough to warrant our unwavering devotion.
Out of anger, some of you will read this article and tell yourselves (and perhaps me) that marriage isn’t even that serious, yet I’m sure if you sat back and observed you’d be able to see many people who have chosen to imitate its benefits. It’s always the people who attempt to mock and devalue marriage who are involved in their own imitational versions of it.
That man who told you he never wants to get married wouldn’t oppose a live in girlfriend (wifey) who was cooking, cleaning, and screwing him the way he wanted…would he?
There is nothing wrong with cooking your significant other a nice dinner from time to time, but know that your purpose in life is not to provide the benefits of marriage to men you are not married to. We as women can’t continue to complain about our difficulties in getting married if we are pretending to be married to every man we date. Even fear of loneliness should not keep you from being aware of your true position in dating.
Know your worth and leave the role playing to the wifeys.
WOW, so very true! Thanks for the much needed insight. Sometimes you know and are aware of these things but just don't know how to put them in place or even scared of what the result will be after shaking the atmosphere. Good word!
Excellent article! Young women need to hear and understand this. Well done. Thank you.