Sex Talk: Questions on Virginity and Saying No To Uncomfortable Sex

Your sex questions answered.

By: Amanda Anderson

Peer Pressure and Virginity

Q. It seems like just about everyone around me is having sex. I’m a virgin, and I’m not sure if I have remained a virgin for religious beliefs or out of fear of being hurt. I’m also afraid of getting close to a guy because I don’t think I am ready to have sex. And I know most guys wouldn’t wait for me. I don’t even know if I want to wait until marriage. Should I hang on to my virginity?

A. First, let me make one thing clear. When it comes to your body and your happiness, the world around you means nothing. You have to do what’s best for you regardless of what everyone else is doing. This is your life and every decision you make will ultimately shape it.

Second of all, everyone is not having sex. I know plenty of adult virgins and even those who have chosen to be celibate, and even some waiting for marriage. Don’t be ashamed of your virginity, it is a part of who you are. Embrace it, and don’t allow anyone to make you feel ashamed of it.

Sex seems so glamorous and awesome on TV; but it can be scary, cause emotional damage, disappointments, and even take your life if you’re not careful.

You’ve already said that you don’t think you’re ready for sex. So what should you do? Nothing. Sex is not something you should approach with any level of uncertainty.

And last but not least, you deserve a man who won’t ask of you to do the things you are not comfortable to do just yet and one that honestly respects you. You can be sexually active all you want and it will still take years to find a man like that. So don’t let society trick you into believing sex will somehow lead you to a life full of love and happiness.

Take your time and get to know yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll know. Until then, choose to be happy.

Saying No to Uncomfortable Sex

Q. I’m in a relationship with a man I really care about. I love him, but my partner wants me to do things in the bedroom that I am not comfortable with. What should I do?

A. I won’t even ask you what he is asking you to do because it doesn’t even matter. We all have our limits when it comes to sex. Some of us will try anything once and some of us just have some things we will simply not do. If you are the latter, don’t feel guilty for having your limits. You’re human and that’s perfectly understandable.

If your relationship has a solid foundation, he won’t make you feel guilty about staying true to yourself. But this is the perfect time to talk to your partner and see if this is something you both can get past. However, if he’s a jerk, he’ll take your stance as a form of sexual neglect. And there can be huge problems if that’s how he sees it.

This type of “man” will surely have no problem stepping outside of the relationship to get what he wants. And if he does, he’s a pretty selfish bastard.

But if he doesn’t, pat yourself on the back because you have yourself a good man.

If he steps out on you, just let him go. It will save you some major heart ache later. By the way, selfish men don’t make good husbands or fathers. So let him go happily.

It is so important for us to be with people we are sexually compatible with. When we do, we end up with partners who respect our limits or partners who have similar sexual needs as ours. Sexual compatibility lowers the chances of infidelity and increases the chances of having a healthy sex life.

Have a sex question? Email us.


  1. I am a virgin, and I can't even explain to you how much this article meant to me. It is soooooo hard to remain true to myself when everyone else around me tries to convince me that something is wrong with for not having sex. I don't want to deal with the pain and the horrors that most people face today because of sex. Call me crazy, but I thought we all had a choice in what to do with our bodies. So why make me feel inferior for waiting?I am still holding out on sex because I like the fact that I don't have to worry about AIDS/HIV or any other STD's. Nor do I have to go through any emotional devastation or anything because of sex. When a man worthy of these risks comes along, maybe I'll reconsider. Even then, I will remain smart and protect myself at all costs. I refuse to be another statistic.Thanks for the article.

  2. PRAISE FOR THIS ARTICLE!There are many women suffering mentally because they have partners that are asking them for things in the bedroom that they are uncomfortable with. What is sad, is they do it because deep down they know that they guy they are with will cheat on them to get what he wants. I think it is important for people to sit down BEFORE they start having sex and get too deep in the relationship and talk about likes and dislikes.If you find that you are not sexually compatible, and there are things that one or the other have to have in order to be satisfied–STOP RIGHT THERE, WALK AWAY. It will save you a lot of problems in the future. I always do ME and put ME first when it comes to choices about my body.

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