Welcome to my world…
I’ve been labeled as a home wrecker, the other woman, whore, selfish bitch, and emotionally unstable; all because I thought that I had finally found the kind of love that would last a lifetime. What started off with red roses, forehead kisses and expensive bottles of wine; ended in a broken marriage, which began with a wife I knew nothing about. I let my emotions lead me to something that just wasn’t good for me, and in the end, I wound up with nothing but an empty apartment, and a broken heart that may never heal.
When I first met Nicholas, he was dressed sharp, head to toe in a business suit. He had what you younger sisters call swag, and what I call an irresistible presence. The man was gorgeous, intelligent, successful; and had the type of aura that made everyone in the room take notice. I was a young city girl with big dreams myself, so when I met a man that was just as ambitious, the romantic possibilities were too good to pass up. He wore no wedding band on his left hand, and I approached him in the most charming way that a beautiful woman like myself could.
A friendly conversation led to a few dinners, and eventually a night of hot sweaty love making. We became serious too quickly, and I was in too deep with a man that still remained a mystery in a sense of too many unanswered phone calls and text messages. I imagined other women were just as interested as I was, but I could not have fathomed that this man was married.
An evening during Happy Hours left me shocked, hurt, and in utter disbelief.
My girlfriends have always been movers and shakers, and can always been seen at some of the most exclusive events and charity fundraisers in the city. They mingle with the social elite, and date the wealthiest of black men. Sure, the city is full and the population may be poppin’, but somehow the elite travel in the same circles. Nicholas was part of that crowd, and I was itching to get a taste of it. How my girlfriends got there, I’ll never know, but I’m thankful they were in the right social circles, because if they had not been, I would have never found out that Nicholas was married.
While discussing our dramatic love lives one evening over a bottle of wine and fancy salads, I dished that I had fallen in love with a successful sports agent by the name of Nicholas. I gushed over our romantic dinners, and passionate nights at home, while my girlfriends’ faces became very still and full of guilt. I knew at that moment that they knew something that would tear my perfect little world apart.
When one of my girlfriends asked,” What’s his last name?”…I exhaled deeply, already realizing that once again, I had been bamboozled.
They informed me that this man was indeed married and his wife had given him two kids, and had helped him establish his successful career. It had been clear that the marriage was on the rocks, but both had committed to salvaging the marriage and keeping the family together.
Then it all began to make sense. The unanswered phone calls and text messages, the many nights alone, and the bachelor pad that didn’t look quite broken in. Could it be that he had secured a secret place his wife knew nothing about? Had I become a convenient sex partner that could only be apart of his secret life? I wanted answers and I needed them now.
I played it cool but confronted him on our next evening together. To my surprise he didn’t deny it, but told me that he’d leave if I had showed him that I loved him and stayed in the picture until he worked things out legally. At that moment, I should have ran and never looked back. But my thirst for companionship kept me there. I agreed, while silently feeling as if I made a terrible decision. At the moment I felt our love was too strong for him to stay in that marriage. I can make him happy I thought, and he could make me happy…We deserve to be happy.
Our secret relationship continued until his wife had finally heard that there was another woman. She confronted him and he moved out all together. Both wanted out of the marriage, she didn’t want to stay with an unfaithful husband, and he didn’t want to stay married to a woman that didn’t make him happy. He chose a good divorce lawyer he’d met through former clients, and I witnessed him go through one of the nastiest divorces I’d ever seen. His wife was hurt and angry, so she made him miserable in the process.
I was happy that we could be together, but the divorce took a toll on our relationship. He wasn’t the romantic and ambitious man he once was, and the date nights became non-existent. Finally, his attitude became so toxic that the conversations were painful, the sex was passion-less, and he stopped coming home three nights out the week. I wanted to believe he wasn’t out there with another woman, but after all, I’d had been the other woman, and I knew what he was capable of.
Finally after a full week of not hearing from him, he showed up to our apartment with empty suitcases. I knew then that it was over, and he informed me that he was coming to get his things. He had met another woman at a cocktail party that “took his breath away,” and he just wanted to be happy, again.
It took every ounce in me to not lounge and attack this selfish man, but I too had been selfish. Even after this man told me he was married, I continued to pursue him. I sexed him, took lavish trips with this man, and played house while his wife was at home raising his kids. I couldn’t be too mad when I had willingly broken up a marriage, nor shocked that I had gotten a bad dose of karma in return.
He left that night and I never heard from him again. But as I stay heavy on the social scene, I still hear the many stories of his numerous affairs and break-ups with gorgeous career women. Since his divorce, he had been enjoying the bachelor life, and had broken many hearts since he left our place with suitcases.
I was emotionally damaged for 2 years, before finally owning up to my bad decisions. I no longer pursue married men, and I deeply regret the pain I put his wife through.
When I hear about gorgeous celebrity women creeping around with married men, and leading these men to divorce, I can’t help but wish they would get out before it’s too late. There’s an old saying that goes “You lose them, the same way you got them,” and that rings true to my situation. And often many times, the other woman’s victory will be short lived. We might win the man, but then someone else squeezes into the picture, and leaves us in a very dark place.
It doesn’t matter how gorgeous or successful a woman is, to break up a marriage is the equivalent to playing with fire.
I reached out to Urban Belle to tell my story because I hope I can encourage women to stay away from these married men. These men are not happy with their wives, and sooner or later, they won’t be happy with you either. When I think about Nicholas now, I realize that he was a man that could not be pleased. He lives for the chase, so I am not sure why he even got married in the first place. I could have found real love at the hands of an available man, but instead I chose to fall in love with a man that felt he owed no one anything.
If you find out that a man you are seeing is married, take my advice and run. It’s not worth it. Do you seriously want to be with a man who is selfish enough to cheat on his wife and leave her for good sex? Or a man that doesn’t even take his vows seriously?
Chances are if he doesn’t commit to his wife, he damn sure won’t commit to you either. Think with your mind and leave the husbands to their wives. Temporary companionship is not worth the destruction that breaking up a marriage can cause to your own life.
The Other Woman
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