Mind Control: Do You Love Him or the Sex?

Real love or just really good sex? Sometimes the answer isn’t clear.

By: Amanda Anderson

In our culture, it seems like we all have sex on our minds. We can’t get away from the sexual imagery, sexy celebrities, racy song lyrics, as well as our suggestive and seductive pop culture. Sex is such a dominant part of our reality, that even the youngins want a piece of the action. Kids are having sex as young as 11 years old, and blindly walking into adult territory that is home to sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. And it’s not like the adults are any better. We treat sex so casually, that it’s now become a pre-requisite to love when it should be the follow up course to commitment. And then we wonder why our relationships are so unsuccessful.

Do we really believe that sleeping with strangers will lead us to everlasting love?

It’s a question I ask since it seems to be the method of choice for most of the population. Loving someone physically is easy, but rarely is it unconditional. Why? Well, unconditional love isn’t easy.

What’s worst is that it is often confused with mind blowing sex.

Yes, that’s right. Sometimes the sex is so good, it leaves the smartest woman feeling as if she has landed the jackpot in this thing called love. He worked it, left you satisfied, and now you can’t hang up the phone without telling him how much you love him. Meanwhile, you really don’t know this man besides the bedroom tricks and the boyish charm. Dangerous.

It may seem as if I’m sitting pretty on a soap box, but it’s more like observations and real world revelations. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the physical things, and negate the things that make a relationship an everlasting route to intimacy, verses a short lived exchange of passion. Why on earth are we confusing the physical with longevity?

No matter how rare it is, good sex doesn’t equal love.

The discovery of the aforementioned truth leads to devastation, as we soon realize that the same man that has been putting it down in the bedroom all these months is still a stranger, and someone we really aren’t truly compatible with. At that moment, we’re in too deep to admit defeat. We have something to prove to the world, and any man deemed as a sexual genius is worthy of love, right?

Wrong. Good sex won’t give him a set of morals, make him an honest person, or keep you happy in the relationship.

And if that’s the case, shouldn’t we preserve our love until we get the things that we really need?

Don’t we owe it to ourselves to only fall in love with men that can give us more than the physical?

I can’t tell you how to love, but I can tell you that the best love is the earned love. Let a man work for you in the ways that really matter. Good sex is just what it is…good sex. It’s not going to keep you happy long term, and it can’t make a man become the type of partner you really need.

Smart women fall in love for the right reasons, so which kind of woman are you?


  1. It is hard to separate the two, since women do sometimes equate sex with emotions. But, as I have learned, good sex does not equal love or even a relationship. While you are busy thinking love, he is busy thinking about who texted him for his next booty call.

  2. Week after week, you guys keep speaking the truth. I appreciate this article because I have been there before. In fact, I was there for two years. We had great sex, but he was a horrible boyfriend. Turns out he was just way too selfish to make me happy besides the sex. After that, I've made a promise to myself to commit before sex, and love before becoming physical. I think if you take away the sex in the beginning, you can truly see a situation for what it is. Clarity is important in matters of the heart.

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