Why Hope Isn’t Good Enough

In love, hope isn’t always good thing, if that’s all you really have.

By: Amanda Anderson

As we pursue love, we will encounter all types of men. We’ll run into the bad guys, the in betweens, and the most desirable creatures that we refer to as the “good men.” Throughout the hunt, there will be many moments when we don’t walk away with anything tangible–but instead mixed feelings oozing with complexity. We give our time and precious moments to men who we deem worthy of our best, and then we hope that we will receive their best in return. It only seems fair that we would get what we put out to everyone we encounter in our quest for real love. But that’s the thing with fairness: what’s fair doesn’t always come to pass. And with some people, the only thing you will ever truly have with them is hope. With hope comes expectations and rarely will those expectations be met.

It’s no secret that women are the most emotional of the two genders. We rely on our hearts in moments we should rely on our brains, and we tend to see the finish line before the pistol even goes off. There’s no trace of gun smoke, and we’re already claiming a victory. Sure, that man is a pretty good man according to our near-impossible set of standards, but that’s only part of the battle.

A few months in, and you’re still headed nowhere. You are giving this man your undivided attention, yet there’s still nothing concrete between the two of you. The talks of a possible relationship have decreased as the months pass by, and you’re still hoping that something more will happen eventually. You may think that you could possibly have a good thing–but all you really have is hope.

You hope that it could grow into something more, some good lovin’, and a definite relationship; but he keeps on dragging his feet as if he knows that you ain’t going nowhere. Why? Because he knows you’ll settle for hope. That’s all you really have now, yet you’re still there and he’s peeped game.

As women, it’s situations like these that we should never place ourselves in. There is nothing more precious than time, yet we’ll allow just about anyone to waste it.

Men are practical creatures. They do what they want and move at a pace that makes sense to them. You can be the best woman to ever walk the planet, but that doesn’t incline every man to be with you or agree that you’re the best thing since sliced bread. While this does not in any way diminish from who you are as a woman, it’s definitely your cue to move it along, and leave those hopes to the younger girls who don’t know any better. Grown women don’t want hope, we want stability. And to get stability, you must let go of all that is unstable.

Simply put, if he wants you, he’ll go get you. Until then, there’s no need to wish upon a star that he will wake up and realize how great of a woman you are. Wishes were good enough when we were young and blowing out candles on birthday cakes, but there comes a time when you want to do more than satisfy your sweet tooth, hell, it’s time for some nourishment.

And why be with a man that can’t even see what you see in yourself? If you ever get into a relationship, you’ll continue to spend most of your relationship proving your worth. Can you imagine always having to fight to meet a man’s expectations when he isn’t even concerned about yours? It’s exhausting and self-demeaning. You’re better than that and you’re surely better than a relationship that won’t go any further than good wish upon a star.

No man, no matter how great he may truly be, deserves the right to put your happiness on hold. No one should have that much power, and we shouldn’t settle for fantasies, hopes, or wishes when we’re blazing trails in other areas of our lives.

But as human beings, it’s quite natural for us to hope for many things. It was hope itself that landed a black man in the White House—but maybe hope is more dangerous than we’d like to believe…even if it does make history in some instances. Someone is going to lose, and it’s usually the person who hopes. If a man isn’t actively pursuing you, keep your options open.

Save yourself the time and only get serious about men who are serious about you. Life’s too short to settle for hopes that will never materialize, and you deserve something real.


  1. I never looked at hope like this…but I do know you can end up hurt real bad believing something special is there with someone who doesn't really feel the same way. And because of that, I don't get too involved with guys who treat me like an option. Kudos for writing this.

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