Sex Talk: Questions On Being A Bootycall and Threesomes

Your sex and relationship questions answered.

By: Amanda Anderson


Am I Just A Bootycall?

Q. Okay, my situation with this guy that I am seeing is pretty weird. We met a few months ago, and we started off pretty good. We had great conversations and we hung out almost everyday. I really started to like him because it just seemed like we had a solid connection. Since I though the feelings were mutual, I didn’t wait too long to become intimate with him. Within 2 weeks, we began having sex. A month after our first time sleeping together, we stopped hanging out everyday, and he no longer takes me out that much. We went from going out on dates twice a week, to once every two months. I can literally count how many dates we’ve been on with one hand. He is always blaming his hectic time schedule on why we aren’t spending as much time together, but we are still having sex every other day. I’ve asked my girlfriends what they think, but I’m going to ask you because I know you’ll probably be more blunt. Am I just a bootycall, and if so, what can I do to prevent this from ever happening to me again? I am getting ready to approach the big 30, and I can’t keep wasting my time.

A. Let me start off by saying that everything that I am getting ready to say is all in love, really.

Honey, you are a certified, in the meantime, until something better comes along, type bootycall. And it’s not because you aren’t an amazing woman, it’s because you’re messing with a jerk and somewhere down the line, you’ve signaled to this jerk that you aren’t the relationship type.

Men are simple creatures. They aren’t big on words, but they do analyze a woman’s actions completely. That behavior is the exact opposite of a woman, since we tend to focus more so on what was said, verses what was actually done. Men ain’t like that. You can say all day that you’re a classy woman, and relationship worthy; but if you’re sleeping with a man one to two weeks into meeting him, you’re totally contradicting everything you’ve said and he’s not going to think you’re Mrs. Right. Instead, you’ll be treated like an extracurricular activity, while he will aggressively seek a woman who’s going to pose a greater challenge. Men love challenges, and prefer challenges for long term relationships.

I’m not saying that this is fair or deserved in any way, but I am telling you that this is how it is when it comes to men. The quicker you give it up, the more useless you become. So many women have no idea that they are just a bootycall. They deal with men who are only around when they want sex, but continuously put off commitment. But always remember, men are natural born hunters. They will always go after what they want. When they meet a woman they feel who is worth holding on to, they will pursue her wholeheartedly. Don’t you want to be that woman worth pursuing?

If you want a relationship, you’re going to have to slow down on how soon you become intimate. I suggest commitment first, and sex after. Less hearts are broken this way.

I’d end it with this dude, and let him know that you deserve better, and will now be seeking it. But for future references, take a little more time to get to know a man before becoming intimate. A man looking for more will appreciate it, and it will cut out a lot of problems later.

My Boyfriend Wants a Threesome, But I Don’t

Q. I am in a really confusing place sexually with my significant other. I thought we had a sexual connection, but lately, he keeps bringing up threesomes. At first, he just asked me what I thought about them. I told him I was not into that, and I had no interest in ever trying one. I thought he dropped it since he didn’t bring it up again for a couple of months, but a couple days ago, he asked me if I would at least consider it, since it would make him happy. Honestly, I think threesomes are trouble, but I don’t like the fact that he keeps on pressuring me to do something that I do not agree with. What should I do?

A. It’s always been said that threesomes are every man’s dream. But the truth is, they are every boy’s dream. Any man requesting a threesome from his committed partner or wife, lacks in some serious maturity, and may be borderline bored in the bedroom and in need of a dose of adulthood.

I’m totally against threesomes. Why? Because, if someone is handling their business in the bedroom, I won’t need a third. Good sex does not require three folks. It just requires two people committed to pleasing each other. Nothing more, and no additional bodies.

I don’t know your boyfriend personally, but if he’s wanting threesomes and you’re wanting twosomes, it seems like the two of you lack sexual compatibility. And that is a huge problem. You will continue to bump heads and eventually not bump uglies if you continue to clash on sex. All healthy relationships needs healthy sexual compatibility. So if you know you will never be into having 2 lovers in the bedroom, or let’s be real here, watching him getting the best of two worlds, then you may need to analyze if this is a relationship you want to continue.

You have some serious reflecting to do.

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