The Four Month Plan

Relationships should always begin with a solid foundation or they will end in ruins. 

By: Amanda Anderson

Relationships always seem to start off with two perfect people, but as the dynamics of reality begin to sink in, by the end of the relationship, those two perfect people become extremely flawed, transformed, and nothing like they imagined. Hopeful for their own unique version of Happily Ever After, the idea of having something special becomes blindfolds to ambitious lovers, and they are left wondering what went wrong by the end of the relationship. You can’t fault people for seeking out the unrealistic version of love that we see in the movies and read in the novels, but only when we begin to take a more realistic approach to love and our relationships, will we begin to have more successful relationships. By observations alone, one can conclude that we are falling in love prematurely. Most of us utter the three words before we even truly know our partners, and when we discover who they really are, we can’t help but feel cheated as if they were supposed to come with a warning label to caution us that this person isn’t all that great despite the awesome packaging.

But who can we really fault when we rush love and settle for lust instead?

What if we took our time to get to know more about our potential partners, and reserve our love until we past the honey moon phase? Can you imagine how our love lives would be if we waited until there was a commitment before we became physical? And do you realize how many more relationships would last if people came into relationships with realistic expectations?

Here’s a plan that could lead you to real love and most importantly, help you weed out potential partners that aren’t best for your romantic pursuits. Approach this plan with an open mind, and you could possibly begin to make sense out of a love life gone stupid.

What if I told you that in four months, you could distinguish a good man from a good waste of time? Think about it…we usually discover the ugly truths of a person within two months. So why the hell are most of us getting in relationships in two weeks?

Four months can help a woman distinguish a potential real love from something that’s just in the meantime.

Usually when we get involved in relationships or serious dating, we tend to be the perfect
version of ourselves. While many would say this is especially true of our male counterparts, women are guilty of faking it not only in the bedroom, but for the first beginning half of the relationship. This hurts the relationship more than it helps it, as both people find themselves completely uninterested and unattracted to the true identity of their partners.

Since it’s human nature to focus in on extending a great first impression, it’s best to refrain from getting too serious for the first couple months of dating. Why? Well on average, people tend to keep up the shenanigans of their perfect selves for about two months into the relationship. By waiting to get serious until the fourth month, you’ll get past the perfection phase, and get a good glimpse of your potential partner’s true self. No man or woman can fake anything for four months. When someone’s true character is revealed, determine if that person is truly relationship worthy.

Here’s the guidelines to the four month plan.

1. It’s better to get to know someone before getting into a relationship with them.

When we say that we should get to know someone before embarking in a committed relationship with that person, most of us will agree that it’s a smart move. However, almost nobody tends to take that advice. Instead, we get to know the person while we are in the relationship. Big mistake.

Since four months is a long enough time to drop the perfection act, it also allows us enough time and ample opportunity to get to know a person.

I challenge you to talk to your potential partner everyday for four months. Get to know them, from their spiritual perspectives, family history, past relationships, and views on love. It is these conversations over the time period of four months that can help you decipher if that person is someone you should truly be involved with romantically.

2. Save the physical pleasures for the commitment.

Sex is the one thing most people rush into faster than they rush into relationships. Sex may feel good physically, but mentally, it can cause a lot of problems when we find out that the one that we’re sexing isn’t so compatible outside the bedroom. And there is no worse feeling than being intimate with someone who has no plan to commit later. If a man isn’t serious about you, it will come out before you even reach four months. Let a man know you’re more interested in getting to know him first, and getting physical later.

This weeds out men who are only interested in increasing their body counts. If you don’t want to be just another number, save the physical for a commitment that both people can agree to.

If you are at the point of your life where it’s time for something serious, you have no reason to rush sex. Take your time and figure out if what you have can be something more. Hold out on sex, and focus on building first.

3. Over the course of four months, build a foundation that will set your relationship up to succeed, if you discover you are compatible with your potential partner.

If your conversations and woman’s intuition are telling you that this man might be a match, make the remainder of the four months about building. Connections that last over time are those established on the foundation of friendship. To encourage this type of relationship, keep communication open, and make sure the support system works both ways.

Four months may seem like a long time to put off a relationship, but for two people willing to build, it’s the smartest thing that a potential couple can ever do. Love is wanted by just about everyone, but to get to love, a foundation will be needed to retain that love. And when you get to the fourth month, remember that the building never really stops. A relationship should always grow stronger and increase in value.

You want a real relationship, one that involves two people who genuinely respect each other, have something solid that doesn’t depend on sex, a strong friendship established based off a strong support system, and two people committed to making it last? Well take your time and build that first. Contrary to what society believes, fast and easy isn’t always best. And when it comes to successful relationships, it’s nowhere in the equation. Take your sweet time, at least four months to be exact, and don’t fall in love, but walk right into it. You’ll get less scars that way, and something that will last long enough to savor.

Now doesn’t that sound good?


  1. This plan actually sounds like a very good idea. I do believe that four months allows you to really see the true character of a person, and allows people to take their time in getting to know someone. I think most of us just hop into things when things have been good for only a few weeks. Then when see the true person, that is when the problems begin.

  2. I think every woman needs to read this and practice it. I think this plan could weed out lots of bad dudes, and allow women to approach relationships more maturely.

  3. I agree with this. Foundation is so crucial to long standing relationships. Yet so many of us wait until we get into the relationship to build a foundation. I think that is why so many relationships fail.

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