Non Exclusive Relationships: He Still Ain’t Yours

When you’re in an open relationship, don’t forget you’re nothing more than someone’s option.

By: Amanda Anderson

Let me be frank. I hate open relationships. I consider all non exclusive relationships pointless, absurd, and one of the biggest damn wastes of time that any woman could possibly get herself into. I don’t care that society pushes promiscuous sex as if it’s somehow empowering for women to keep several sexual partners at bay while continuously missing out on love. I can’t understand how random sexin’ is superior to real love, nor can I understand how any woman can settle for randomness verses stability. With so many STD’s and cancers lurking in the realms of promiscuity and unprotected sex, why aren’t we taking our bodies and sex more seriously? We’re too open in sex and too open in these open relationships, and not only is it screwing up our emotional availability, but it’s killing us too.

In an open relationship, you’re nothing more than a clever man’s option, and I for certain could never understand why so many of my sisters are settling for being some brother’s back up plan.

Believe me when I say that it’s beneath you to be any man’s in the meantime lover, and in the spare time girlfriend.

And I can’t help but feel that open relationships are more like stagnant relationships, more suited for men who can’t actually see themselves settling down with the woman they are in an open relationship with. These men can’t truly see themselves committing to these particular women who pretend they are content with non-exclusiveness, so they keep themselves available for the women more suited for exclusive relationships. It’s the truth, yet so many women will bite my head off for saying it.

I don’t care that this particular man wines you, and dines you, makes you moan in the bedroom, or keeps your bills paid. You’re temporary at a time when he really wants permanent, yet for some reason, you aren’t good enough for permanency.

It happens so frequently as women gush over men who have yet to commit to them after a few months of bullsh-ttin’ and romancing. You can’t even call this man anything else besides your boo, because he doesn’t like labels…but the truth is, he actually doesn’t mind labels, he just minds a label with you.

Now you might say you’re non-exclusive because you don’t want to rush anything.

But aren’t you having sex? What’s more serious and more intimate than sex?

Sex can kill you, yet it’s something that you don’t feel you should value enough to limit to exclusive titles or men who think you’re worthy enough to be with exclusively?

With sex alone, this man could end up being the father of your children, give you a sexually transmitted disease that could potentially kill you or remain with your forever; so how is becoming intimate without exclusiveness taking things slow? I ask this not to patronize, but I feel it’s crucial that we see sex for what it really is…life altering. No matter how casual society attempts to make it, sex can still change lives in a way that cannot be reverted.

So yeah…is there really anything faster than sex? Don’t let any man fool you into thinking sex isn’t serious.

If you are sexing your non-exclusive boyfriend, you are subconsciously signaling that you are content with where you are in non-exclusiveness. You’ve made a choice without even forcing the man to make his. Now let’s look at what you really have in an non-exclusive relationship.

Non-exclusive means someone is an option. Yet, you are probably only screwing, dating, and dining with the man who you are in an open relationship with. So that means you’re treating your option like a priority. However, you are still just an option. Because not only is he sexing you when he wants to, he’s still free to seek other women, while you’re waiting on a label that will probably never happen. Why? Well men tend to rarely go for the women who don’t even feel they are worthy enough for labels their damn selves. It’s not exactly fair, but you won’t be the last woman to fall for the open relationship that never materializes into an exclusive one.

When you agree to an open relationship, you are nothing more than something to do, someone that is good enough only for now, and a pretty piece of ass on standby. You’re an amazing woman, yet you date men who see you as just another. What do you really gain from an open relationship that has you handing over the same benefits of a serious one? You’re like a two for one special…you’re half price when you’re really worth more. Besides, it’s nothing smart about giving a man the benefits of a commitment without requiring a commitment.

Relationships are better when they are taken seriously. They should always come with boundaries, and involve two people who see each other as something greater than in the meantime. There may be a handsome college educated brother occupying your time with fancy dates and amazing sex, but when it gets old, you’ll end up alone, and picking up the pieces shattered by empty promises. And it will hurt you to watch him leave you and commit to another woman who required a label, and up front exclusiveness. It happens all the time.

Don’t be that woman who can never get further than the open relationships. It’s ultimately up to you and the situations you’ve agreed to.


  1. I was only in two open relationships, and they didn't go anywhere. It seemed like I had the guy's attention in the beginning, but then they somehow became too busy for me and eventually broke it off. I will never get in an open relationship again.

  2. This is sooo true, and unfortantly I am the women you speak about! I have been inmany situations like this, I am a serial non-exsclsive girl, although I no longer put my all into giving all the girlfriend privleges, i do give enough. but the end result is still the same, me alone, and eventually them with someone else. I am breaking the cycle, I was in a relationship and it was because I was upfront that I will not be just a "cut buddy" but that relationship wasnt right, but I have learned, and Id rather be by myself that to be any mans option, or to place my happiness in a man.

  3. I cut a brother off completely a year ago after being involved in this type of situation. It had gone on for three years too long. Since then, I have had afew dates but the guys always turn me off before we get to a second date because sex becomes the topic of choice for him. After he realizes I'm not going to give myself up for a dinner and a few drinks i don't hear from them anymore and I'm just fine with that. That let's me know where he is from the start. I know my worth and there is a man who will recognize that. Too many of us women live according to the saying that "a piece of a man is better than no man at all." Women need to have more respect for themselves. A man can't use you if don't make yourself available to them in that manner. A PIECE of a man is nothing but drama waiting to happen. PEACE of mind is priceless.

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