Sex Talk: Questions on Forgiving Cheating Boyfriends and Building Confidence In Sex

Your sex and relationship questions answered. 

By: Amanda Anderson
Should You Stay With a Cheating Boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and recently, about a month ago, I discovered that he was cheating on me with someone he works with. What hurts the most is that he didn’t even have enough love for me to tell me himself, but she was the one who called me to tell me that she and my boyfriend had began a sexual relationship behind my back. I confronted my boyfriend, and he apologized and got all emotional, while promising that he will never do it again. But I can’t understand why he would even do it in the first place. This is such a hurtful thing to put someone through and I don’t know what to do. I have been with him for 3 years. This is my longest relationship and he’s been a huge part of my life. What should I do? Can a cheating boyfriend be forgiven?
A. Let me first say that I am so sorry that you had to even go through this, but I was in your shoes, and it’s always tough to learn that someone you love has betrayed you. But it happens, and not necessarily for the reasons we believe. Here’s what you have to understand.
People, men and women, cheat because they want to. Some say it’s the subconscious doing of bad judgment, but in all actuality no one cheats because they have to…they wanted to. And at the moment, it seemed like the logical thing to do.
Someone wasn’t happy in the relationship, and they saw a temporary outlet, rather it be through sex or a secret relationship. Either way, they wanted out, even if it was for a brief moment. And that is what you have to consider when deciding on what you need to do.
Your boyfriend wanted out. He wanted sex with another woman, and he wasn’t even going to tell you that he cheated. Why? He had hoped he could make a habit of sideline sexin’ at the discretion of your understandable ignorance. But you’ve been informed, so this puts you in a position to do something that all women should do when their significant other wanders off…move on, and don’t even question whether it’s the right thing to do, because for your sanity, it is.
Now some people don’t agree with me, but people have to understand the true nature of cheating in order to understand my views. Since society continues to push the myth of humans being unable to be monogamous through recent ridiculous scientific “research,” we’re divorcing more and more and blaming human nature on why we can’t maintain power over our genitalia.
But always remember this…not only do we cheat because we want to, but we will place ourselves in situations and places that will lead us to cheat. Yes, we will place ourselves in situations to cheat once we have made the “subconscious” (inter sarcasm) decision to step out on our partners. We know we shouldn’t take that number, hang out with that co-worker, or visit that ex; but deep down inside, there’s a desire for an exit out of a relationship we’re not truly happy with.
So do you need to stay with a man who just made an exit? No you don’t. You just need to move on and be patient for a man who won’t be squealing for an exit with any willing coworker who’s vagina happy enough to oblige.

When You’ve Been Sexless For Years, How Do You Get Your Confidence Back When You Embark on a New Sexual Relationship?

Q. I am in a serious relationship, but before this relationship, I didn’t have sex for 4 years. I had given up on sex after a couple of bad relationships, and I just wanted some time to be alone and get my mind right for something real. Something real came along, and now I’m scared that I won’t be able to please my significant other sexually. How do I get my confidence back, and get back comfortable with having sex in a committed relationship again?
A. Celibacy will have anyone thinking they don’t remember how to please…but a serious relationship is so much bigger than sex. And because of that, you shouldn’t allow your time without it to drive you over the edge. Sex is something that we can improve at if we have the right encouragement from our partners.
The only way to get better at sex is to relax and allow yourself to be imperfect at it. By doing so, you’ll allow yourself to make a few mistakes and ultimately improve.
Confidence will come once you realize that you’ve got all the opportunity and time in the world to get better and explore sex with your partner.
Remember, good doesn’t mean perfect.

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