The Dirty Truth: A Vagina Doesn’t Entitle You to a Good Man

Neither does a college degree, amazing career, or the ability to provide for yourself. 

By: Amanda Anderson
Every woman wants a good man…even if we don’t pick them as often as we should, we’ll waste most of our adult lives trying to turn the bad ones into good ones. Perhaps we have the whole thing a tad bit backwards, falling in love with projects instead of real men who require no construction or instruction guide. Regardless of how long it takes us to recognize them when we see them, it’s clear that many of us are somewhat delusional on just how reaping and sowing truly works. You see there’s a great big portion of women who feel entitled to a good man. They feel that having a vagina and the ability to provide for themselves is somehow the only requirements to good lovin’.

It’s irrational for anyone to think being deserving of a good man is based solely on one’s God given genitalia or success in depending on one’s self in a society that is naturally breeding independence in women. However, this attitude continues to plague our communities as more and more sisters nab degrees and successful careers.

And if love is supposed to be unconditional, just why are we basing our entitlement to a good man based on so many meaningless conditions?

We can’t escape this subject…just about every book, magazine, blog, and church service continues to nag single women about why they can’t find a good man. While it could arguably be more complex than most want to admit, even comedians seem to feel obligated to tell those without men how to get a man. While decent advice may be out there, no one’s asking us if we really deserve just what it is we seek. 

Subconsciously, this enables a cycle of extreme entitlement…as we will work effortlessly to excel in education and professionally…yet we will neglect to work on the most important part of it all, our inner selves and our attitudes.

And I’m not being melodramatic, think about what you hear most of the successful, single women state in unison:

“I have a college education, a good paying job, and I am an independent woman. So why can’t I find a good man?”

Nowhere in this statement is it clear on what she’s going to bring to the relationship emotionally. However, we’re reminded three times that she can bring something to the relationship financially.

The financial aspect of a relationship isn’t enough to keep a relationship together. As we all are seeing first hand in the recession, people lose jobs, people lose money…but support, real support, is priceless and everlasting.

But we’re not even mentioning it when we talk on why we deserve a good man.

The problem with this attitude is that it shows just how much we overvalue things of little value in love and relationships. In our naive days, we automatically assigned the good man labels to college educated brothers with steady employment. After a few bad dates with these very men, we learn hardly and quickly that just maybe a good man is a tad bit more than intelligence and business suits.

But even after we make that realization, we still forget to look at ourselves with that same newly acquired magnifying glass.

The truth is every woman does not deserve a good man. Yeah, I said it and I mean every word of it.

If I could scream it from the rooftop, I would, but someone with a vagina would still feel entitled…and it would be without a cause if all she had to show for herself was a degree and good paying job.

The fact is there are some horrible college educated, good job having, home owning sisters out here. Emotionally, these women are certified predators, and they have no clue on how to cultivate healthy relationships or take care of home outside of fancy decorations and fabulous dinner parties.

They are the feminine version of the college educated duds who waste our time on a daily basis.

We’ve got to start being more realistic when it comes to who deserves what and just what should be rewarded. At the present time, we’re feeling entitled to things that we haven’t really earned outside of necessity. We had to get our careers on track and fend for ourselves. Marriage was never guaranteed to anybody. So why on earth are we now using survival to get what’s optional?

I might be one of the only few women left who feels a woman should take care of herself. So when I hear a woman use her independence as a reason she should be blessed with a good man, I can’t help but laugh a little at the naivete. Yeah I know there are a lot of gold diggin, borderline prostitution, basketball wifin’ harlots out here…but that doesn’t mean doing what you’re supposed to (provide for yourself) should be awarded. Good men should be with good women, and every good woman should understand that a degree, a vagina, and a great career are just additional perks on a very seasoned resume that goes hand in hand with a woman who has even more to give than her success.

I’m not knocking the successful single woman, but she ought to have more to bring to the table than what’s between her legs and what’s in her bank account.

Good people are earned, not purchased. However, every whore comes with a price (see some of the behavior on Basketball Wives and the rest of the Gold Diggin’ industry).



  1. Just came across this post by a random search. This was a slap in the face to all the women I’ve come across whom arragantly chanted so many of the above noted points you had made. Not since entering the dating scene from an unsuccessful marriage to a narcissist do the points now seem clear.

    It’s always the same story, I’ve done all this so I expect this in return. When all to often it’s the modest humble sincere ones whom wind up with the better guy or girl. There is truth to the old adage that the good ones finish last. I’m humbled to read a post from someone whom wasn’t reserved in saying exactly why. And the noted points in my experience aren’t reserved to either sex with any sense of monopoly over the other. It can be applied to both sides.

    Very well said. Thank you.

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