How many times have we black women been told that most of us will never be married? How many times have we been told that a whopping 70 percent of us don’t even have a man? How many times have our trusted magazines created and operated solely by black women told us to run to the white man like he’s some knight in shining armor because all hope of marrying a black man is slim to none? We’ve even been subjected to relationship books penned by comedians and divorcees like they’ve somehow created the relationship gospel all because most of us bought into the lie that 70, yes 70 percent of us are single.
We can barely even surf the internet without someone reminding us that 70 percent of us aren’t “marriage material.” Even our own brothers have fled to Youtube in numerous lost negro themed videos to tell us why they believe over half of black women aren’t married. In these ridiculous self hate filled videos, they come up with a list of “reasons” we’re single supported only by media encouraged stereotypes of the black woman, all while never taking the time to even research if the very statistic is even true.
Even Oprah, a world renown journalist and talk show mogul, threw out the false statistic to millions of viewers, further demising the fate and overall mentality of one of the most ganged on, disrespected, and misunderstood race of women.
I too believed the myth, until I began to notice that most of the educated, job having, business handling sisters around me were getting married…leaving only a small number to survive in the relationship jungle we all hate due to a series of bad dates and selfish lovers.
So I did what any smart woman would do…I went straight to the source, and dug around in a series of reports and surveys conducted by the Census Bureau to confirm what I was coming to believe…somebody is lying, and this person has an agenda that is not only affecting the mentality of black women, but black men as well.
So just how many black women are single?
Well according to the Census Bureau, in 2009, 44.5 percent of black women are single and have never been married.
What’s even more interesting is the number of black men who are single and have never been married…47.8 percent.
Would you look at that, it appears as if more BLACK MEN ARE SINGLE THAN BLACK WOMEN.
But moving on…
How the hell did we get 70 percent from 44.5 percent?
Now some will say well 70 percent of professional black women are single, yet, black women hold higher employment rates than BLACK MEN. In fact, we also attend college and graduate from high school, as well as embark on careers at higher rates than black men. So if most of us have jobs, how can a whopping 70 percent of professional black women be single? There is also NO PROOF of this ridiculous statistic variation either. Again, the numbers being thrown in our faces at the courtesy of the media and misinformed self hating black people just isn’t adding up.
So if it’s all a lie, the next question would be why?
Now I can only offer my opinions on why I think black women are being reminded in every direction that we will never get married, but here are my main assumptions.
1.The 70 percent lie furthers progresses the agenda of making black women feel inferior, and completely undesirable by all races of men.
We’ve been told by so many that we’re not attractive, not submissive enough, too damn independent, and only good for sexual exploitation. But the reality is, we’re not that much different from any other race of women. Women as a whole are working and holding jobs more than our grandmothers and great grandmothers ever did, and it’s certainly not going to change any time soon. If women (not just black women) weren’t so dedicated to our careers, why is the equal income debate still very much the focal point of politics?
Regardless, clearly we’re not too career oriented or independent to get married, since most of us ARE married.
2. Some black men rely on the myth as leverage to further remain in control of black relationships. By throwing the fake statistic in our faces often, they continue to have the upper hand in dating, further encouraging women to lower and completely abandon their standards.
When we believed 70 percent of us were single, we started to question if having standards was the cause. There’s not a black man alive who didn’t benefit from this. Women have become too easy, desperate, and downright embarrassing all because everyone wants to be the exception to the 70 percent. Don’t worry, you can have class and be choosy…Now that you know that only 44.5 percent of us are single…I encourage you to have the courage to stop settling.
3. The fake statistic has and continues to be the biggest factor in suggesting interracial dating.
Not that I’m against it, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start considering white men more seriously for dating after Essence and company told you your a– would most likely die single waiting on a “good black man.”
Regardless of what you read, you’d be a fool to believe that a good man is determined by race and that a bad man is limited to one particular race.
4. To make you resent, and totally hate being a black woman.
I’m pretty sure we’d love ourselves more if we felt more wanted. Hard to even feel wanted and desired when everyone is believing in the same lie. However, it takes a courageous woman, no matter the race, to love herself even if no one else around her does.
The reality is, once we get back to loving ourselves, even a statistic can’t determine our own happiness. I’m finally there, and I hope you get there soon.
Now this isn’t meant to be carelessly mistaken for some “black men ain’t sh-t” article. Instead, I’m just trying to expose a lie that has really gotten in the way of healthy black relationships. The truth is it ain’t the truth. No matter how anyone tries to flip it, 70 percent of black women are NOT single. Most of us are married…and married to BLACK MEN. (Gasp!)
You want a good man, rather he’s black, asian, caucasian, yellow, or green? Well, have some courage and demand to be treated with the upmost respect and reverence. The secret to having a good man is to demand one…taking what you can get doesn’t tend to work out for anyone once it’s all been said and done. So standards are a good thing when the woman demanding them is good enough to determine the necessities from the add ons.
Sure, it’s all one big nasty, community destroying, self hate baiting lie…and it’s brought out the worst in black men and even some of our marriage needing sisters. But the reality is, just why have we even allowed something so easy to get wrong, like a statistic, determine how we feel about ourselves? The number may not be true, but self hate never lies.
It's about time someone did some research and had no problem posting the truth! I am so tired of people throwing around this fake statistic as if they are trying to completely destroy the self esteem of black women. And all these men out here are just as bad for taking this myth and patronizing us in all these videos and dumb ass "relationship" books. Enough is enough.
Truth!!!!! I am so glad that someone finally wrote about this! Thank you!
The lie creates an offense toward black women that many will jump on the bandwagon. I have had encounters with black women hating black men, that will be disrespectful because you are a black woman and then when you say something about it, make statements like I cant stand yall black women, that is discrimination. I plan to challenge that when it comes to a business because the same black man will treat a white woman better, and I work hard and will not let them get away with it. I wont be suprised to see lawsuits against black men for discrimination. Just like the athlete accused of sexual assault on a black woman and he says he dont like black women as his defense. Not liking black women may be the reason he felt he could demean and disrespect her by violating her because he felt it was okay because he judged a black woman to be less than himself and therefore okay to degradate. Such hypocrisy. White men felt the same about black men but thats wrong but okay if its a black man against a black woman, who throughout history defended black men who were not allowed to speak up for themselves to the white man, which would have cost him his life. Some black men talk with pride about dating outside their race or making it known their baby momma is Swedish or Puerto rican, or other. I hope to God I DONT raise sons like these men. I want my son to say, my wife is from Alabama or South Carolina with pride as he speaks about his black wife. Thank You Barack and Michelle for showing a fresh look.
This needs to trickle to black radio! Frank Ski I need you to discuss this on my mornig commute. Black magazines need to post this. Its is true alot of black men are single, look at their ring fingers on any given day, they are single too. Look on the dating sites, many 40+ single black men also, but only the black female stats are reported. We ae being targeted. Spelman women, we still need you to help fight negative black female images circulating in the balck community because it affects our lives and interactions and it creates an offense from other races also.
Let me break this down. People don't want Black women and Black men to be together. When we have eachother's backs, we are a force to be reckoned with. There is no other race of people like US. Black people are educated, we are hip, we are spiritual, we are fighters, we believe in family. Our swag individually or together can be imitated but never duplicated. All women are emotional. So stating that 70 percent of Black women will never marry really hurts. Society says it's the lack of Black men due to various reasons and Black men say it's us. Can you imagine if Black women and men gave up on eachother. Our race will forever be changed and damaged. Say goodbye to the beautiful dark chocolate babies of the future.
Black marriage is the problem.blacks are mating and procreating but need to be encouraged to marry more. Their needs to be more billboards in the black community encouraging marriage and giving statistics about benefits of marriage despite the divorce rate. Statistics that promote commited, faithul marriages that will reduce our STD rates, single parenthood, childsupport, broken home syndrome, dysfunctional relationships, and reveal benefits like longer life span, stability, sexual stability, etc by seeing it and hearing it, it will begin to pay off and ultimately benefit our overall health and lives. I do feel it will decrease the crime rate because boys wont feel they have to be the father and fend for themselves negatively. Promote healthy, faithful, committed marriages in the black community campaign.
Ya know, I've always taken the 70% stat to include never married, widowed and divorced women. Not saying it's true even then, but wording is important.