Q: Okay. I know how important sex is to men. I’m not saying it’s not important to women, but I know men usually want sex more than the woman does in the relationship. Recently, a few friends and I had an interesting conversation about the power of good sex. And some of my friends came to the consensus that good sex can indeed keep a relationship going strong. I think it’s a lot more complex than that, but I was interested in getting your view on rather or not it’s possible that good sex could keep a relationship together. Thanks.
– Laura W.
A: Believe it or not, there are many people who share the same observations as your girlfriends do regarding good sex. It’s understandable, since sex is a such a focal point of our society. But the truth of the matter is, this has not, nor will it ever be true. Good sex is mind blowing, but it won’t stop a relationship from blowing…Nor can it save a marriage that was already heading for disaster.
Sex is many things, but it isn’t the only element of a relationship. Often times, we forget that, and before you know it, we have more of a booty call than an actual relationship. For this reason, I myself decided to cut it out all together until marriage. Sure the dating pool got smaller, but it paid off to take a chance most people aren’t willing to take in an oversexed culture.
What people have to remember about sex is no one is born good at it. Sorry, but we’re not even good lovers in the womb, instead, it’s clearly a skill we can sharpen over time.
And since sex is something anyone can learn to be good at, I’m not sure why we place more emphasis on how good the sex is, instead of the character of the people we’re sexing.
But here’s the truth no one ever wants to admit:
Sex doesn’t keep people together, people keep people together. The secret to an everlasting relationship is patience, respect, the commitment to continuous hard work, an understanding of who God is, and last but not least…SELFLESSNESS.
Now if you have all these things, not only will your relationship be fulfilling, but most likely, the sex will be as well.
Ever met a couple who has amazing sex, but lacks those other things? They weren’t too happy were they? And that’s because the physical is just one aspect of who we are, without the emotional and the spiritual sides taken into perspective, all of our relationships will feel pretty empty, no matter how great the sex.
So it’s not that good sex keeps a relationship together, it’s more so the icing on a delicious cake containing all the right ingredients. To think otherwise is to completely misunderstand the complexity of relationships.
Hope this helps.