Sex And The City: 4 Women You Don’t Want To Emulate In Relationships

Sex And The City is one of the best shows that ever hit cable television, but what was meant for entertainment, is now creating a population of relationship challenged women.

Sex And The City was more than a cable show, it broke barriers in the world of television. For the first time in television history, four white women were single…and promiscuous with an addiction to designer labels. They were in their 30s, man-less, childless…with their close friendships as their only means of sanity in an over populated New York City. Instantly, women of all races and backgrounds fell in love with Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Miranda Hobbes, and Charlotte York.

Sure, it was hilarious and oh so addictive to watch these four ladies struggle through bad dates and horrible one night stands to find their one true love (everybody except Samantha at least), while simultaneously attempting to silence the loud and continuous ticking of their biological clocks. With their successful careers in tow, you would think their corporate intelligence would somehow trickle down into their relationship pursuits. But for six seasons, it’s clear that these women weren’t so savvy when it came to men, and in most cases, just down right naive about relationships.

Regardless, it’s as if every woman wants to imitate that life. Yes, we have grown a-s women becoming real life Carries, Samanthas, Mirandas, and Charlottes. When I opted for a girl’s weekend this past week, I witnessed grown a-s women discussing their “Bigs.” And for the life of me, I can’t understand why any woman wants a Big. Big put Carrie through a lot of emotional torture and mind games, yet, right in front of me, I had grown ass women discussing how much they loved their “Bigs”…the same men who couldn’t commit to them after 2 years of screwing them.

As much as I love the show, I actually look at the four characters as four women I certainly didn’t want to become. I certainly didn’t want to make the same mistakes they made in their relationships and sex lives; and I’m pretty sure if I made any of the decisions these four characters made by the end of the final season, I wouldn’t have lived happily ever after or happily until the first film installment.

Here’s why you don’t want to be a Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Miranda Hobbes, or Charlotte York.

Charlotte York believed in fairy tales although she was pushing 40 years old. Yes, she believed in a knight in shinning armor, and pursued just about every man she dated as if he was her last and only shot at happily ever after. This might have been charming and adorable for a television character, but in real life, it’s just desperate. It’s also the quickest way to ending up…well single and pushing your 40s. No shade to the single life, but for those that don’t want to be single, it’s probably best not to treat every man like a potential if he doesn’t have the potential.

Although Charlotte was loved for her predictable naivete, her biggest mistake was changing who she was completely just to have a man. Sure Harry was a nice guy, treats her pretty damn good, and has a knack for romance; but why should a woman have to change who she is completely just to have a man? Harry didn’t do much changing, but Charlotte changed everything from her religion to her standards.

She compromised, and Harry never had to.

This might have worked for Charlotte, but for a single black woman, you’ll end up miserable and spiritually nonexistent.

Lesson: Know yourself before you fall in love, so you won’t fall. We’re better off finding someone who can love us for who we already are (of course we should should strive to become better), than finding someone who requires us to change completely.

Miranda was a hard knock attorney who graduated from Harvard, and she took her tough courtroom exterior into every single one of her relationships and encounters with men. While it seems logical to expect men to be men, if your definition of men is in more alignment with dogs than human beings with penises, you’ll push every man away even if deep down inside you do want love.

And for the majority of the series, Miranda pushed away more men than she attracted. Of course in the make believe world of HBO, she ended up with a man she couldn’t push away. But in the real relationship jungle located in the real world, there just aren’t many Steves.

Even nice guys have a limit.

Lesson: Sure, you should be smart about relationships and use your common sense when dealing with men. But never mistake common sense for bitterness.

3. Samantha Jones, The Old Promiscuous Chick

Throughout the series, adorers of the show were expected to believe that a 40+ single, and slutty white chick was fabulous.

Samantha may have always looked fabulous, but truly fabulous she was not.

What she may have called power, I called weakness. She may have been a corporate queen, finding much success in the Public Relations industry; but she never really managed to be anything more than a bootycall and “for rent” coochie to just about any douche bag with money in New York.

Harsh? More like truth, but Samantha Jones is the perfect representation of many women who have mistaken promiscuity for power or independence. No matter how much we feel we are in control of our sexuality, the consequences of sleeping around will always outweigh the advantages. Besides, power and independence is knowing that you don’t have to spread your legs so easily for a little attention.

And Samantha needed attention, even if that required her to be a 45/50 year old bootycall.

Samantha fell in love a couple times in the series, but managed to end it with the one man who loved her despite her imperfections. She left him when it stopped being about…Samantha. His career took off, and she took off on a plane to be promiscuous and 50 by the end of the first film.

I imagine that it might hit Samantha in her 60s (since it hasn’t hit her in her 50s), that when your libido weakens (and it will), it’s best to have someone who actually wants to have a conversation with you that goes further than what man parts you can fit in your mouth.

Lesson: You don’t have to be promiscuous to feel empowered.

4. Carrie Bradshaw, The Relationship Drama Queen

Carrie Bradshaw is the Sex And The City character that every woman wants to be…maybe it’s because she has a sick designer shoe game, or just maybe it’s because she managed to do what most women simply couldn’t; wait around long enough for some wealthy douchebag to see the “light” and put a ring on your 40+ year old finger…after a damn near decade of playing you like some high end, designer addicted bootycall.

Of course, Carrie’s fashion choices were pretty much always fabulous and yes we all want her impeccable wardrobe. But take a closer look at her love life, and it’s clear that most of Carrie’s choices were irresponsible, immature, superficial, and just ridiculous for a woman her age.

For instance, Carrie hated good guys. It’s understandable why a young girl would pass over the good guys in her young, naive college girl days; but it’s just absurd to see a 30/40 year old woman do it like she didn’t learn the lesson in her 20s like the rest of us.

Aidan was the definition of a good man, but because Carrie deep down inside prefers the drama and the romanticization of a dysfunctional relationship; she found numerous ways to ruin the only decent relationship she could have had.

As great as Aidan treated her, she still found time to screw Big, the wealthy and married douchebag, on the side like monogamy only applies to her when she was in a relationship with Big.

Am I the only one who sees a problem with putting your life on hold for someone who has a pretty much solid history of letting you down? And isn’t it really just dumb as hell to mistake drama for…love?

Why is it that so many of us believe that the one relationship we suffered in the most is the truest example of love, but the person who refuses to hurt us is too…nice?  

This is my single biggest issue with Carrie. Her twisted misconception of love is adored, misunderstood, and even mistaken for the relationship gospel by many women, hoping to also find their Bigs.

Regardless, she ended up marrying Big, and now there are many grown a-s women who too feel that investing years with a douchebag will somehow churn out a fairy tale wedding, a dream closet, and a wealthy husband.

In reality, investing years into someone or a relationship that takes more from you than it gives…rarely pays off outside of television. No, we shouldn’t want Bigs, but instead men we don’t have to chase and suffer for while we wait for them to “realize” that we are special, when there’s an Aidan who sees you’re special without years worth of the chase.

Lesson: The Big Chase isn’t necessarily the Big Love.

Again, I love this show, and I do understand why so many women can relate to the characters and the situations they place themselves in. But when it comes to love and relationships. these characters aren’t worthy of the admiration or the emulation.

Even designer labels can’t change that.

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