Just another column from an educated black man who doesn’t spare feelings or hang around men who don’t respect monogamy.
By: Mike J.
What if I told you that your man wasn’t sh-t because his friends aren’t sh-t.
I’m sure you’d only get angry and tell me that your man ought to know how to think for himself. That makes sense to a very large extent, but women make things more complicated than they need to be. Cheating isn’t some mystery tucked away in oblivion from any woman seeking an answer as to why it happens. A man cheats because he wants to cheat, but the likelihood of it happening will increase rapidly depending on who he is friends with.
If you don’t like one of your man’s friends because you think he runs through too many women, most likely your man shares the same aspirations when you’re not around.
Men with like interests usually travel in packs. The man that is mature enough to handle a commitment will prefer homies with the same outlook to keep the number of jump off opportunities to a bare minimum. The bachelor type dude keeps men around him who know how to smash easily, because it will keep the likelihood of meeting new conquests very high.
We influence each other to be good husbands, bad boyfriends, playboys, and college educated.If you ever talk to a man who’s been married for over 30 years, he’ll tell you that he had to stop hanging with his too bachelor friends. It’s not because we can’t think for ourselves, but we’d rather keep the temptation to the lowest of levels.
The way to truly identify a man is to take one good look at who he hangs around. Because in the moments that you are not around, it could very well be the type of guy he hangs around that determine the outcome.
Although your man might have good intentions, peer pressure is a b-tch.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother not too long ago. I was dating this guy who was close to this guy who had a terrible reputation in college. I just never really liked the fact that they hung out, and it always made me paranoid. We got into many fights because I couldn’t stand that he was hanging out with him. We broke up after my best girlfriend caught him kissing another girl at the club. Lesson learned.
What if he’s in a fraternity? I’m in college.
Typically, college men that are in Frats and/or play sports have a negative rep, with good reason many times. They typically are unable to handle a mature, committed relationship while in school due to their inability to handle being man enough not to go along with the rest of the group.
Honey, a frat guy still in school is a like a celebrity. Too many groupies, too many options. I dated one who apparently had a different girl in another city the whole time. Run.
I agree with A and Shayla. Frat guys in college are usually too busy following others to be faithful. They usually fold quickly to peer pressure and the image of their organization. Not a good look ma. But anything is possible I guess.
Fraternity guys are usually whores. Don’t date any of them in school.
Now ain’t this the truth. I never realized it until hit close to home but men really do influence either when it comes to relationships. Men are only as great as the other men they hang around.
Question for Mike and any other man. What if you haven’t met their friends yet? I haven’t so it’s hard to apply this to my situation.
How long have you been seeing him?
4 and a half months.
If this isn’t a LDR (long distance), he probably doesn’t view you as his girlfriend. In fact, I bet he refers to you as a side piece TO his friends.
4 and a half months?! Yeah he doesn’t have a serious interest in you. You’re a fling to him. No offense, but too many times women ignore the signs that they are just smash material and nothing more.
That awkward moment when your realize that you were…just a jump off. Don’t worry. At least now you know, there are many women walking around thinking they are girlfriends…but they’re not. Been there before. SMH!
Haven’t we all?
Trust him until he proves he can’t be trusted and go with your instinct. Eventually you may meet them. Then you can see how he reacts with them. If he isn’t man enough not to go along with the group, he isn’t worth your time.
So I have a different problem. I have met his friends, but most of them are girls! Ugh, it drives me crazy! I just don’t think I can ever get comfortable with this.
@Anon (5:00 pm)
He is most likely having or had sex with a few of those female “friends”. It is USUALLY the case.
That’s what I have been thinking too. I rather be single than keep dealing with this.
History has just been made. A lot of relationships just ended because of this post.
You’re a fool! LMAO!
I appreciate this column a lot. Sometimes it’s refreshing to hear a man’s perspective and talk about relationships. I hope you keep doing these.
And thank you. We definitely need to have dialogue between black men and women about our relationships. I enjoy writing these.