Discussion: Are Black Women Too Conservative in the Bedroom?

Black women are usually accused of not taking enough risks in the bedroom. Is this a myth or does a little truth lie in the accusation?

By: Amanda Anderson-Niles

We have all heard the theories as to why any black man would be frustrated with black women, with the most popular misconceptions stemming from claims of our attitude problems, independence overdrive, and lack of sexual liberalism. Frankly put, there are black women loving black men, who still believe black women to be too reserved behind the bedroom doors.

One man who has asked to give his account anonymously, says:

“Many of the black women that I have dealt with looked at doing certain things in the bedroom,such as oral sex, like a chore. They did not embrace it. They felt like it was disgusting. They were ashamed of the idea of having oral sex with a man that things could potentially not wok out with.

Women of other nationalities that I have been with had a more liberated attitude towards sex. Not every black woman that I have been with has been conservative, but a majority of them were that way.

A lot of men believe that non black women are more willing to do nasty things in the bedroom. These are the things that we see on the television and on the internet.”

While the young man I interviewed still has plans to marry a black woman, he does feel that he may have to settle for a lack of excitement in the bedroom in order to have her.

What do you think? Are we as black women just not risky enough when it comes to sex? Are we a little too afraid to try different things in the bedroom and have we gotten to the point where we are behind women of other races when it comes to sexual liberation?

Speak on it.


      1. I wasn’t a virgin until my 20s, but I have always had the utmost contempt for giving head. I think it is the most disgusting thing a woman could ever do. I don’t know why but it is very gross to me. I have done it now but I don’t do it often.

        1. I’m kind of like you but I have this whole thing where I won’t have oral sex with a guy unless I think he is husband material.

  1. Hmm…I can say I am. Very conservative. I haven’t slept with that many people and it takes me forever to put out. I won’t do anything I feel is too freaky until I’m married. And it drives my fiance nuts. I know I should open up more but I don’t want to be too adventurous and not end up with the person in the end. I’m not married yet, so I don’t feel like I’m obligated to do anything right now.

  2. If black men didn’t make black women feel like they were heaux for doing these things, black women wouldn’t need to be conservative in the bedroom.

  3. This is true. When I was growing up, I went to school with white kids and some black. The white girls were giving blow jobs before they were even in high school, and black girls were too afraid to do any of that because we didn’t want someone to call us a h-e. I still think that’s the mentality for us as grown ups. We want to do a lot of things sexually, but we don’t want the labels associated with them. Look at how we drag Kim Kardashian and em’ on this site daily. haha

  4. I think it may be a little bigger than race. I’m a black girl and I do what the hell I want to when it comes to sex. I don’t care about what other people think of either. I am the only one in my circle of friends who has an orgasm regularly, because I got to know my own body. I want to think this is because some women just refuse to take control of their sexuality and stop making any apologies for it. And there are white women like this too.

      1. Lol! Anon I can relate to ur feelings on this when it comes to knowing ur body and not caring what people have to say about how you feel pertaining to ur sexuality. However I must admit I was VERY conservative until I married b/c my husband is my life partner so we should have some experiences with one another that is just ours together. But we are all different in our upbringing and thinking on this subject. How many of us black women ever had our mothers school us on bedroom etiquette? Mine sure as heck did not!

  5. I’m conservative when it comes to sex. I too don’t want the label of tramp, so I don’t do anything that will earn me the tramp stamp. I even keep count of who I sleep with because I don’t want to be the woman who’s had too much sex. It is really hard because you want to have sex and enjoy what it offers but you don’t want to be judged for it either. It may be a black woman thing because it really does seem like every other woman has more freedom. But the way black men are so quick to give out the tramp stamp, can anyone really blame us for being this way?

  6. I agree that this pretty true at least for me. But I think we’re also conservative because we don’t want to be judged by other black women! Now y’all know how quick we’ll point a woman out and call her a h-e for any and everything. So yeah we’re scared of what men may think of us, but we are TERRIFIED of what women will say about us. Big difference.

    1. That’s a good point. Black women tend to be very judgmental when it comes to other women and their vaginas. But I think most of the black community still has very sexist beliefs and women are expected to still be that “certain way” if they want to get married. I think that’s why we get mad when the HS “sluts get married before we do because we thought if we’d play by the rules, we’d get that fairytale before they would. It’s crazy.

  7. With the right partner, men and women should be a little liberal in the bedroom. It’s about pleasing your partner and expressing your love and admiration of them.

  8. So does anybody go by the 90 day rule or longer? I’m just curious. What does it take for you to have sex with a guy for the first time?

    1. When I feel like I’m ready. I don’t do the whole countdown thing. Me personally, I feel like I’m too old for games.

    2. I’m with Peachy. No committed relationship, no sex. I’m trying to get married so now I try to weed them out. Makes it easier. ;0)

  9. I’m not conservative at all. LMBAO Not at all. I’m grown and responsible, so I kind of don’t worry about how others feel about me. I’m not the worst, but I’m no saint either, But yeah, most black women are scared to get down and dirty or at least let other people know they get down and dirty.

  10. There is nothing wrong with a woman feeling free or liberated in the bedroom but it should be with a husband not a boyfriend. Think about it, you are putting your lips and bodily fluids on his penis and elsewhere, all while his penis has been inside Kim, Becky, Pam, and Renee. Oh yeah…and let’s not forget that Kim, Becky, Pam, and Renee also gave him head. Therefore, you have slept with them too. It’s way too many STD’s floating around to just be freely giving head to potentials and lames.

  11. Honestly, I have given oral sex to a few of the men I have been with, but I don’t really like doing it unless I really like the guy. Sorry but you just don’t go down on anybody. If I like the guy and I am comfortable it’s okay, but just a one night stand hell no! I agree with Real. You definitely run the risk of getting an STD when you perform oral sex. No one gives head with a condom on so, it really isn’t a bright idea to take that risk.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Discover more from Urban Belle Magazine

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading