The Text Message Relationship: He’s Wasting Your Time

Some men just…text. Here’s the problem with the text message “relationship.”

By: Amanda Anderson

I swear it’s like an epidemic…the text messaging brother who was charismatic enough to get our attention, fine enough to get our number, but only uses it to flirt through text messages, and confuses the hell out of women because he makes so many promises through a series of sms’s, but we haven’t heard his voice since the day we met him.

Now surely as I type this and you read this, it sounds completely ridiculous that any woman would engage in such bullsh-t, but the reality is, you and I, and just about every woman we know, has had the text message relationship at least once in her adult, date happy life.

This man sounds good, well reads good in theory, but he just never seems to deliver. In fact, he has more excuses than we have shoes, and he believes his dependency of text messages is completely justified. It’s so justified he’s offended when you question him about it, as he feels in the depths of his arrogance, that you little lady should be thrilled that he’s found the time in his busy schedule to text you in the first place.

The nerve of us to want a phone call, a real voice behind the text messaging maniac, you know, some assurance that we aren’t wasting our time text messaging some complete loser…
But isn’t that what he is?

I mean, seriously, can any text messaging relationship be justified?

I ask this seriously because I’ve come to learn a lot about men. Now I’m no expert, but when you’ve finally been pursued, you truly learn the difference between who’s courting you and who’s playing with you. In essence, you can tell the difference between the brother who calls and the one who just texts. And from what I see with men, when they want something, they go get it. They hunt it, they circle around their prey…they pursue.

Most men don’t text women they want. And if they do text, surely it doesn’t take the place of the phone call.

You see, men may be a little different than our fathers, grandfathers, and our civil rights leaders; but, even they know they still must be hunters to catch the prey. Like brick masons, men know they must lay down the foundation to build the house. So often women forget that men never truly forgot the basics; we waste our time on men who haven’t even laid down the foundation with us. Even 2 years in, there’s no house, no paid for land, and no construction sign in sight.

But can we be surprised when it’s the same man who started off playing when he should have been calling?
Now I don’t write this to make this a woman’s problem and/or her responsibility, but I write this to remind a woman to never waste her time on a man who isn’t even willing to lay down the bricks. I don’t care that women are more independent than the former generations, at the core of every woman, is a woman who deserves and desires to be pursued. And she ought to cut off the brother who says he’s too busy to call, since it’s a known fact that even the busiest of men make time to pursue the woman they just have to have.

Besides, when he meets the woman that he deems worth the phone call, please believe she’ll get the phone call. When we know better we do better, and we surely don’t fall for the text messaging complex.


  1. I just re-entered the dating market after 6 yrs and this is really depressing. I don't need each time we communicate to be in person or on the phone but I won't except having a relationship that's mostly done through texting.

  2. Welp this is my dating life in a nutshell. How does a woman take control on the situation and get men to stop doing this though?

    1. I agree that it’s definitely not a good sign if a man rather text than call you. The only way that changes is if the woman demands that it be changed.

  3. Men text women we aren’t seriously interested in. If all we do is text, we just want sex from you. Bottom line, if we are really serious about you, you will get phone calls, dates, attention, etc. Just my 2.

  4. I am one who prefers texting over voice conversations that last less than 5 minutes. I find it annoying when women call me just to say hi then silence, thats what texts are for.

    And if I want to talk to you for a lengthy conversation I will do it with you in person. Dont misconstrue this for someone who is emotionally shallow, I just prefer face to face interaction over a voice conversation. Even before the advent of mass texting I still wasnt a huge phone talker. I believe its something that some women need to reinforce that you are indeed into them, but if im into you I have many ways to get a hold of you and phone conversations arent the highest on my list.

    1. Bro, quit bs’in the ladies here. As a man, I can say that if I wanted to talk to a woman, I would actually talk to her. I wouldn’t leave our conversations just to text messages. I wanted the woman I liked to hear tone of my words so she would know exactly how I felt. For those other chicks that I didn’t give a damn about, I would just text them because I did not care how they took my words. In those cases, I was just setting up times for them to visit or to visit them anyway so them hearing my voice wouldn’t matter.

      1. I think you both agreed that you would find a way to have a real conversation rather it was the phone or in person. But women need to understand that text messaging only is a sign of jump off status.

  5. I don’t mind a guy that does both. But it is annoying when a man only sends you text messages. And I never take a man seriously who does this. I get that most men aren’t talkers, but you can’t expect me to take you seriously if we can’t talk on the phone or talk in person. But a woman has to be clear on where she stands on the subject of how to communicate with her.

  6. Wow… I loved reading this! so much truth and made me giggle!
    I am in a relationship with a guy who always texts about our relationship problems! If he is angry, upset, annoyed, pissed off… whatever he txt me! We aren’t living together at the moment…but suppose to be trying to work things out… but he keeps finding new things to complain about and I hear them through text!!
    I might add that in the 4 years we have been together he has always done this… can not handle face to face conflict!!
    In the last 5 weeks I have seen him face to face maybe 8 times, spoken on the phone maybe 5 times.. the rest of the communication has been through text!!

    I am a personal person and much prefer face to face especially within a relationship. He is just not getting it though!! I keep saying no more text… come see me… but he doesn’t or if he does he doesn’t bring anything up.. we just have small talk-avoiding the topic.
    When I have spoke up in the past about issues… he becomes angry and frustrated and always ends in him leaving!
    Text in a relationship is good for sweet messages through the day just to le that person know you are thinking about them… but a call never goes a stray and txt should never be used to share negative or questionable feelings and issues.

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