Your Ex Boyfriend Only Wants You Back For Sex (Raw & Uncensored)

Just another column from an educated black man who doesn’t spare feelings or want women to mistake the reappearance of an ex boyfriend for love.

By: Mike J.

Most men look at our ex girlfriends as future booty calls.

There are a few things I need to explain before I can connect a man’s use for an ex to a woman’s misunderstanding of what his return must mean to her life. Women must understand that sex for the average man is not always an emotional thing. Most of the times, to us, it’s just sex. It’s nothing more than a physical means to pleasure. It’s nothing more than doing it because we can. And when it comes to old girlfriends, there are many men who will come back because they can. In fact, I came back several times because I could and she let me. Perhaps this isn’t the most honest thing to do but we will say and do anything for sex when we have not became men yet.

When we do come back (most of us), it’s not because we love you. We tell you we’ve missed you but what we really missed was the sex.  And we have to hit that one more time before we move on to the next thing and the next relationship. You’re easy because your guard has already been down since the ending of the relationship. You trust us more than the new guy that you’ve just starting talking to. We know that and we take full advantage.

Men (the ones who do this) see exes as the easiest and most stable booty call. Every man knows that women we’ve already dated before feel comfortable sleeping with men they have already slept with.

So some figure, why waste my time and effort getting something new when I can easily make a phone call and get what’s already been made available to me? It’s simple mathematics.

But women see this behavior as nothing but an ego stroke. The first thing you women do when you see an ex’s number reappear on your phone screen months after he dissed you and you moved on is brag about how “they all come back.” But you never question why he’s coming back because you’re too busy misreading his actions and mistaking it for him “realizing you are a good woman.”

Rarely does a man need to lose a woman before we see that we have a good thing. In fact, we don’t.  That’s not how we’re wired. I’ve heard the dumb a– quote “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone,” and that was obviously written by a woman who’s mistaken an ex’s return for something genuine. We always know exactly what we have when we have it and we know it quickly. We know in minutes, the first couple of dates, and the first couple of phone calls that we have a good thing. We also know  in minutes when we have nothing serious, and nothing more than casual sex. No, we don’t have to lose you to get that you’re marriage material. But that’s the one line that seems to work, telling you that we know now from you leaving how good you are. It’s bulls-it, but for most women, it’s a line that works.

If you have an ex that is trying to squeeze back into your life and into your thighs, you need to understand that any man who messed up with you, messed up with you. Rarely has it worked when you take an ex back, so why do it? Why take back the guy who had to hurt you to get what you are? That’s not how we work, so don’t end up being a booty call to an ex…it happens all the time because women mistake love for what a man just considers convenience.


  1. It’s funny that you write about this today because I just had a conversation about this the other day. My homegirl called me to tell me about how her ex has been calling her and wanting her back. She’s all arrogant about it and I just feel like it’s just because he wants sex and he’s too lazy to go our and meet someone else for it. Guess I was spot on.

  2. Welp. You just shattered someone’s confidence. There’s nothing like a ex wanting you back to put that cockiness back on 10. Glad to hear from a man that it really is a waste of time. I don’t take back any exes because they all sucked. But hey, that;s just me. LOL

  3. Man if you didn’t tell the truth with this one! I learned this the hard way. I fell for the lines and I believed he was genuine, but he was back to his old self in 2 months. This is something every woman needs to understand, so we won’t waste time with the wrong men.

  4. This is real talk. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve pulled this same move with some of my exes. It’s wrong but it’s convenient. Women just have to be careful with who they take seriously.

  5. I can see this. And honestly, I guess it just makes sense. I know I always felt more comfortable sleeping with men I’ve already dated and slept with. This is why people shouldn’t let old relationships linger. Move on when it’s over and don’t dwell in the past.

  6. This why I cut guys off when the relationship is over. I have a brother and I know the game. I don’t have time to be used, so I don’t allow myself to be used. If the relationship didn’t work the first time, it won’t work the next time, at least for me.

  7. But seriously… Mike, unfortunately, bro you spoke the truth with this one. I’ve seen this done way too much first hand. I always say that a woman will let you do whatever she allows. So if she lets you walk all over her, there will be plenty of men in line waiting to do so.

  8. Why is it that it is assumed that girls don’t call up guys for booty calls too. I don’t have feelings for my ex at all and could care less if he still liked me, but I do miss the sex. And I’m a woman! It can work both ways.

  9. I love this thread. My ex boyfriend and I had the lets get back together talk after a break up two months ago. He was sneaking up a ladder and into my room at night for ex sex because I let him! Then I broke it off for good. No contact for two full weeks. He reached out. I responded (mistake). We met. Talked. Embraced. I cried. We had dinner. And afterwards he wanted more…but I drew the line. To reunite we must spend time together without sexual intimacy until commitment can be established. He agreed and said he loved me with all his heart. Today, after two days of just work and life I call him. He is seeing someone and doesn’t just want to drop her. Lame. I flatly said ok then we are done. Good luck hon. User. I’m too smart for that. I’m letting go of that drain. Thanks for reading. Comments welcome as I heal. 🙂

  10. I had to hear it straight from a black man. Thank you, Mike J. You validated thoughts that I’ve had in my mind and in my gut for the longest time, and I must say that your words have given me the painfully honest closure that I needed.

    I am a married asian woman who lives overseas. My black American ex-boyfriend, who now lives in the States, also married with 2 kids, just suddenly reappeared and found me after 20 years. He was my first everything – first love, first sex, first heartbreak. I was young and naive, gave him kindness, sincerity, and unconditional love. But he never loved me back.

    To make the story short, he looked for me, we reconnected, and because of the nature of our history and my unhappiness in my marriage, I fell for him again. I thought that time had made my ex-boyfriend a better, more mature man. I was wrong. You’re right. Nothing has changed, it was all about control and convenience, and sex. I could not forgive my self for allowing myself to play the fool once again.

    I have made moves to cut him out of my life for good. Blocked him in social networks, changed my number. It’s been four months since we stopped communicating. I am still in pain, but getting stronger and hope that I heal and learn from this experience, and become a better and wiser person.

  11. This has just happened to me tonight! I split with this boy a month back and went cold turkey as he was ignoring my calls, texts, everything. I had no choice. I met someone else through my best friend and we got on like a roof on fire! We started a casual relationship but that soon ended as I didn’t want the commitment. My ex randomly appeared back on my caller ID and me being me, I answered and met him. He spun the lines of how he missed me, missed the sex and the ‘ill call you later to talk’ line. I fell hook, line and sinker for it.
    Just goes to show aye!
    Lifes a b-tch

  12. I searched the Web, for exboyfreinds, all of a sudden’ Calling back and ,MikeJ pulled up. Thanks for the Confirmation. We women are already equipped with knwledge about Doing the Right things, ……..Yet we choose to ignore , all that is Right. Thankyou for telling me, what was Painfully obvious.!…its All up to me how i Respond to his repeated Calls’…allof a sudden.:).

    Thanks again.Stay keepin Us Informed.

  13. My bf broke up with me and said he wanted to be “just friends”. We even went out after the breakup as friends, to see a movie. I asked him if the friendship could include sex and he said “no that will complicate things”. I never mentioned it again, but we still hung out as friends. A month later, I texted him and said can we meet just to talk. I did just want to talk, but he invited me to his apartment and I hadn’t been there in a month at that point. Anyway, we ended up having sex and I didn’t confuse that with “he must still love me” at all. I just feel safer sleeping with someone I already know.

  14. What if the guy was really good to you and broke up because of a bad disagreement? If he wants to work it out, is he still using you?

  15. My ex would do the same thing to me…however after several years going back-and-forth, I finally turned the tables on him. He’s now my “I need sex, asap” partner. I’m pretty sure he even has a female believing he is committed to their relationship. Lol. Do I care? No, bc all he is to me is a p-nis and good short-lived laughs. As a matter of fact, now he is all up in my business about “who’s who?” “why you so private about your phone?” “why don’t you call your other dude for sex?” He even denies that he has a GF. lol. Too funny. I told him that our set up is great and I won’t cut him off until I get serious with someone else. And yes, I am dating and looking for someone significant… It’s gonna happen. But until then… Bring on the sex with ex! LOL.

    1. Lol I did the same exact thing. I’m now with my bf of 4 years. I ditched the ex once I got serious with my bf. Lol. It was just sex to me and it was on my terms with my ex that is.

  16. Ok I get this. But what if, a woman has left a relationship of many years and broke his heart because she left him for another man with whom she has fallen in love with and married and moved countries and never ever contacted her ex in years and then one day, he pops out of nowhere on her fb inbox saying hello, and asking if he ever meant something to her as she did to him ? Telling her he is married with kids and happy but cherishes what they had back then. It is impossible to have sex, so why is he interested to know how she is doing and if she is happy now? Why is he opening that door? Does he want closure, an apology? He pretty much tells her she’s forgiven as he says that everything happens for a reason. So what’s his reason??

  17. Hmmm I’m an asian girl having sex with my ex occassionally but to me that’s all it is, sex. We weren’t compatible on anything else and sure as heck don’t want a future with him (he feels the same) but we both agree that the sexual chemistry is great so we keep doing it, no strings attached (we are both doctors and too busy for commitment anyway). So yeah, it’s not always the girl who’s on the losing end, it can work both ways

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