Just another column from an educated black man who doesn’t spare feelings or understand why women think waiting 90 days would keep them from getting duped.
By: Mike J.
It’s not wise for any woman to think that waiting three months to have sex is like a bulletproof vest for disappointment.
I can assure you, most men will still dog you out after 90 days. Oh yeah, we’ll be whatever we have to be for 3 months just to have the honor of telling our friends we still managed to smash that chick with morals. It’s low down, I know, but women are naive for thinking that making a man wait for sex will change his character and make him a good man when he wasn’t sh-t to begin with. Where did y’all get all this naivete when it comes to dating? Wait, I know. From that dumb a– book you call the dating gospel, penned by a comedian who’s already on wife number three (Man Steve Harvey has y’all looking like y’all would take relationship from anyone). And whatever else bad advice you get about men comes from your permanently single girlfriend, the one who’s too much of an independent woman to even remember that she likes men long enough to become attractive to them. So we just keep avoiding her like she has a STD. Not because she’s “too independent.” But because she’s not pleasant or desirable enough to get away with her nasty attitude. Why do y’all keep asking the women who can’t really keep a man about men?
I digress. This article isn’t about how hypocritical these ” I don’t need a man, but secretly want a man sisters” are. It’s about women thinking that withholding bedroom action somehow weeds out all the bad guys. Well honestly, it doesn’t. Not all of them. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had men I worked with brag to me about smashing that church girl that claimed she was waiting until marriage. Man for these guys, smashing the Christian is like a badge of honor, when it ought to be a badge of shame. But shameless n-ggas do those kinds of things, and waiting to screw him won’t change the fact that he has questionable character.
I’m not saying you should just climb into bed with a man on the first date, but it’s important that women realize that a man’s character better determines how he treats you, before sex and after sex. Not the length of time you waited to sleep with him.
If he isn’t a good person, he’ll treat you bad at any time, so I suggest focusing on spotting out a potential’s character, rather than the amount of days you go without f-cking him. You’d be surprised by how easily a woman will dismiss the obvious signs of his bad character because they’re so anxious to get past the three month period their damn self. It happens all the time, and trust me when I say we know that.
Besides, just because a man waits three months to sleep with YOU, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t sleeping with HER while you were bragging to your girlfriends about how he has to earn it from YOU.
So should you wait three months? That’s your call. But remember that if he really wasn’t sh-t when you met him, he probably won’t be sh-t in three months either.
Don’t let your horniness get you into some trouble.
“Besides, just because a man waits three months to sleep with YOU, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t sleeping with HER while you were bragging to your girlfriends about how he has to earn it from YOU.” | ***Standing ovation***
Man…hold up, Steve Harvey’s been married 3 times?!!! And still sold millions of his relationship book??? Man, talk about sad.
Great read. I feel like women think withholding sex gives them all the power but it’s more to it than that. We have to be smart the entire relationship, not just the first 90 days. Now that’s POWER.
PREACH!!!
I said this to one of my girlfriends the other day and she nearly pulled out a blade to cut me. These heffas take everything Steve Harvey said as truth and it’s stupid. I’m just glad to hear a man say (or see a man write) what I have been feeling all along. And I’m tired of being that man’s meal ticket. He’s divorced for crying out loud.
Anyone would be a FOOL to believe that waiting 90 days will keep anyone around or make them change. And although I love Steve Harvey it was a dumb strategy. Yes Steve Harvey is on his third marriage, but he never claimed to be a relationship expert. His book was written off of his experiences as a man as well as from the experiences of desperate women calling his show for advice. At the end of the day he’s blessed and rich and already had stature before he even wrote the book. As women, we all just have to be wise in who we allow into our lives. Its also called discernment….walk in it!
While I don’t disagree about Steve Harvey NOT being a relationship expert I would like to point out what so many people MISS about the rule. The purpose of the rule is 1) to WAIT before just sleeping with a man and 2) aimed at getting WOMEN to attempt to GET TO KNOW someone before just sleeping with them. Many people date a guy for 2-3 weeks, feel they’ve gotten to know him because they know his first and last name and get right into bed and wonder why he’s NEVER heard from again. While its definitely true that withholding sex for any specified period of time will not mean happy forever after for anyone (but it does definitely weed out a lot of TOADS), taking the time, ex 90 days, to get to know if you even like someone enough to give them the “cookie” is definitely a better position to be in than being a constant series of one-night stands. At least then a woman can look herself in the mirror and say she actually knew the man she slept with and considered his character some before “giving it up”.
OMG… I loved this article…. Mike needs to have a daily or at least weekly column!
I am currently seeing my ex and we have fun when we hang out but the sex tension is exploding and he wants to sleep with me. I have a rule: sex only if I am in a relationship.
He knows that but he probably thinks he can go around that since we ended up twice making out HARD and our hands (and mouth, I have to admit) where everywhere.
Then I kept telling myself that maybe he wants to have sex FIRST before he commits to a relationship since he listens to me and wants to know how I have been everytime we meet.
THIS OPENED MY EYES:
“it’s important that women realize that a man’s character better determines how he treats you, before sex and after sex. Not the length of time you waited to sleep with him.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
My ex is nice BUT he doesn’t do things he used to do when he was in love with me such as: call me often, text me all the time, always finding some time to spend with me (now is only when he is available; putting other things first, whatever they are), etc.
If we are having sex is because there’s something deeper besides sex. If I am going to sleep with a man just because I am horny, I might as well go meet some new guy 🙂
I don’t know how to reverse this situation though…..
You’re making out with him “HARD”, including oral sex? Don’t lie to yourself; you guys will be having sex very soon. And the reason he’s not available like he used to be is because he’s seeing other people.