Here is a breakdown of the family structure.
Shay is 35. She says her mom, Alicia, has a drug addiction but she was still raised by her.
Kisha is 31 and her father passed away. She reached out to Iyanla because the dysfunction with her mother and oldest sister is too much. Kisha and Shay lived with their mother and grew up together.
Preccious is 29. Alicia gave her away when she was 7 months. She holds this against Alicia to this day.
Marcia is 26. She doesn’t have a relationship with Alicia.
Bianca is 27. She was raised by her grandparents and aunt.
Marcale is 25 and served six years in prison for armed robbery. She says she has the best relationship with their mother, Alicia.
Alicia is 50 and first became a mother at 15. She doesn’t know what to expect from this session with Iyanla.
Iyanla sits down with Alicia and her six daughters.
Iyanla says the six daughters have no concept of family.
Kisha, the second oldest of the sisters, has her first sit down with Iyanla.
The sisters mentioned this was the first time in 19 years they were all in the same room. They call Kisha the “peacemaker.” However, she hasn’t done a good job at keeping the peace. She wrote Iyanla because she doesn’t want to keep hearing sisters say “I don’t care if I ever take to [my mom or sister] again.”
Kishasays her mom would constantly leave her and her sisters when she would go on her drug binges. She believes that Iyanla can fix their family. Kisha begins to cry when Iyanla asks her what happens if this therapy does not work.
Iyanla then meets with the rest of the sisters.
Iyanla began to probe into to why they weren’t together since Preccious was 10. Preccious says she was given up for adoption. Marcele says their mom “was struggling. [Their mom] didn’t want to be selfish and keep her. She gave her to somebody who could take care of her.”
Preccious doesn’t agree.
When Iyanla asks Preccious if she has any children, she says she has seven. Iyanla says, “You were going to prove [your mom] wrong, huh?” Preccious nods in agreement.
“My greatest joy as a mother is having all my kids with me. Being able to come home to them every day. Being able to just sit there and look at them as they play and wrestle…” -Preccious
Shay says they would joke about who would “keep the chain going.” Their grandmother had six kids and their mom had six kids. Iyanla interjects, “This isn’t a chain we want to keep going.” Marcela then responds, “Preccious is keeping the chain going the right way. She takes care of all seven of them.”
Iyanla tells the women, “The first responsibility of being a parent is being able to take care of yourself. So that when you have children, you’re giving them the fullness of who you are, and not the crumbs left on the table. Keeping the kids sometimes isn’t the best thing for the children.”
Preccious wants Iyanla to fix the relationship between them and their mother, and each other.
While Preccious is talking, Marcale interrupts and Iyanla stops her. “You the baby girl. The last voice that enters the conversation will be yours.” She then tells Shay that she is the leader amongst the sisters.
Iyanla tells them that she stopped speaking to her sister 3 years before she died. She now has regrets.
Iyanla asked Shay what she wants to come out of this and she says, “Nothing from my mom. I stopped seeking years ago.”
“My hope is actually for my sisters.” -Shay to Iyanla
Kisha says her mom wasn’t raised by her mother and their grandmother wasn’t raised by her mother. So there has been a pattern of dysfunction in this family for generations.
Iyanla has them perform an exercise to learn about one another.
Iyanla says, “they are more like strangers than like sisters.”
The sisters stand on either side of a red line and would move to either side if they agreed with a statement.
The exercise showed them that they are more similar than they realized.
“So there are places in your life that even when y’all weren’t together, you were moving in the same way. You’ve always been together, even when you weren’t speaking.” – Iyanla to all the sisters
Iyanla sits down with the mother, Alicia.
At the end of the exercise, their mother pulled up to the compound. “I’m not sure how her daughters will react in her presence.” Iyanla
When Iyanla tells her, “They are mad at you,” Alicia shrugs her shoulders and says, “They’ll get over it.”
She was a single mom and says, “she was selfish.” Preccious is in Louisiana because she wasn’t able to be hindered by another baby in 1986.
“I couldn’t give what I didn’t have.” – Alicia to Iyanla
Iyanla tells her that they need their mommy.
“When they ask you these questions… they’re seven. That’s when their heart was broken.” – Iyanla to Alicia
She was adopted by a side of the family located in Louisiana. She doesn’t have a good relationship with that side of the family. When asked why, she says, “I was molested as a teenager.” The person that molested her is on that side of the family.
She wants her daughters to get along with each other because she doesn’t get along with her sisters.
Iyanla has Alicia meet her kids.
Iyanla leads Alicia into the house, upstairs where the daughters are standing. When they come up the stairs, they begin hugging Alicia one by one. Marcale feels a type of way about having to hug Alicia last because she’s the youngest, “I’m supposed to be the last one,” repeatedly while rolling her eyes.
When Alicia hugs Preccious, Alicia tells her, “You know you could have come to me as much as you talk to me. And then tell me what you’re going through, right?” Iyanla steps in and says, “No she didn’t know. Because had she known, she would’ve done it. She didn’t know.”
When Shay hugs Alicia, Marcia says, “Look at Shay hug.” Shay goes off on her.
“Mind your business, young!” When Marcia responds, Shay’s then says, “B**** if you stop saying stuff to me, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
The two were separated by the other sisters before things could rise. Alicia says while all of this goes on, “Look at what I have to deal with.”
Iyanla has Alicia sit down with her children.
Iyanla begins the sit down by telling them that they spend way too much time talking about each other negatively. She feels that nothing will change until they start approaching each other differently.
Iyanla asked Marcia about what Shay said to her, she said, “I was hurt.”
“She’s mean. I know that if I do apologize, she still not gonna care.” – Marcia to Iyanla
Shay admits that she can be a hard person to talk to and can come off as cold. When she does apologize to Marcia about calling her out her name, she tells her, “ You need to learn how to control your mouth.”
Iyanla tells them that they can be mad at each other but forgive, and then move on.
“You think every disagreement is fatal.” – Iyanla to Alicia and her daughters
Iyanla then shows them that these outbursts are at the results of the pain inflicted by their mother.
“A mother’s role is to be a demonstration to her daughters of how to become a woman. But Alicia taught these six sisters how to accommodate dysfunction because that’s what she learned from her mother.” – Iyanla
Iyanla thinks this will continue until Alicia understands why this is happening but she can fix it.
Iyanla then has Alicia sit with Shay and Preccious on the same couch.
Preccious reveals that she saw adoption papers that showed that Alicia was going to abort her but changed her mind.
“You had up until one year to come back and get me. Why you never came back for me?” – Preccious to Alicia
“Sometimes, the best way to take care of something is to let it go. I know that doesn’t help… when you want your mommy. But, I just want you to sit with that for a minute.” -Iyanla
Alicia then turns to Shay and Shay tells her she is angry and disappointed with her mom. Shay looked up to her mom and her mom let her down. She then reveals Shay has a daughter of her own and is learning from her mistakes. She’s been holding this anger towards her for a long time.
Iyanla ends the meeting by saying they all need to learn how to process their pain and Alicia needs to own her truth.
Part two airs next week.
What are your thoughts on the episode?
A very sad situation indeed.
I hope they get the help they need.
This was another hard watch. I really do everything works out for them.
MY, OH MY THIS MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP NEEDS A LOT OF MENDING,THEY NEED TO START PRAYING TOGETHER,LET GO, AND LET GOD IN