The men get ready for another day of therapy and progress.
The episode opens up with the men still in the compound getting ready for another day and session with Iyanla. They are eating breakfast with the bricks still taped to their hands. Each of the men, except Eugene, are openly recapping their previous sessions with Iyanla, and the breakthroughs they had.
Ricardo specifically is talking about what he wants to say to his mother about his trauma and his s*xuality.
When they all sit down with Iyanla, she praises them for their “gentle spirits,” but wants them to focus on saving themselves first. With an exercise to demonstrate this point, she has each man write their inner-most thoughts about their mom.
Iyanla says that they still harbor ill feelings towards their moms, because they still feel they allowed them to be violated, or failed to believe them after it happened.
When they finish writing on the plates, they go outside with Iyanla. The gentlemen then shatter their plates and remove the bricks from their hands. This is to symbolize the men removing their guilt and shame from them over what happened to them.
Iyanla shares more details about her attack.
Next, Iyanla presents an exercise where they write their innermost thoughts on a sheets of paper. They then put the strips in a basket to read them. Eugene writes about his father asking Eugene to buy crack for him.
Iyanla then brings up how they may have felt ashamed for their bodies reacting physically to the s*xual assault. She tells them she can relate to this, and having an elder take advantage of her learned behavior to respect elders. She tells them that she was raped by her uncle at nine years old.
Iyanla recalled a time where she was living with her Uncle because her parents were dealing with gambling and substance abuse, and she stole $.50 from him. She felt guilty about this because she knew it was wrong, and doing whatever he wanted would rid her of this guilt. Turns out he had no idea she stole the money, and after she returned to the house, he attacked her.
She told her family about it, but no one believed her because he said she was lying. She came to the conclusion that he raped her because, “ It was the only way he knew how to love.”
The she finishes her story, she asks Eugene how he is doing. Eugene says he wants to move on from talking about his rape while in the marines. She says that he is stuck at age 12, when he was first molested. He wants to remain silent, but Iyanla says this only continues to empower the attacker.
“I want to get to a point when I can honestly stop talking about that period of my life and abuse. What I can’t speak about is the abuse experienced in the Marines.” – Eugene
Iyanla says he is still highly triggered but he is trying. When she leaves, Eugene recaps with Ricardo, that he should perhaps never talk about either attack.
Eugene and Iyanla unexpectedly clash.
Later on, Iyanla takes them back outside where there are 5 boxing punching bags. She has them punch the bags to symbolize fighting for their lives. Ricardo opened up to the point where he mentions a family member called him a f*****. Everyone participates but Eugene. Iyanla asks him why he isn’t participating, and he expresses frustration with not being able to talk about his rape in the marines.
“This is why you don’t get heard Eugene.” – Iyanla
Despite the frustration, Iyanla says that this is a breakthrough, and gets him with a clinical psychologist to talk about his marine trauma. Eugene and Iyanla begin to awkwardly go back and forth as Iyanla tells him that he never told her that he wants to talk about what happened in the marines.
At this point, Iyanla realizes that she is getting a little bit over her head handling and guiding his trauma.
“I’m not a therapist. I can get you someone who can help you.” – Iyanla
Eugene sits with the therapist and eventually expresses himself. He feels frustration because he says he isn’t in control. He tells the therapist that the guy attacked him while he was asleep.
Eugene also tells them that he has much emotion about this over the frustration of not being able to ever talk about it.
With help from a therapist, Eugene finally opens up about his second attack in the marines.
The therapist gets him to open up about the details of the attack. Eugene tells him that he wakes up to the man pulling down his underwear and pushing his head down. This broke down the walls of protection Eugene had. “I feel crazy about this,” Eugene tells the therapist.
The therapist tells him that he should replace the word “crazy” with “traumatized.” Eugene is lastly told that he should look to get into therapy for help removing this burden and pain from himself. Iyanla is hopeful that Eugene follows through with this.
Later on, Iyanla sits down with Ricardo one on one, to make sure he will also follow through with his breakthroughs. She feels Ricardo is on the right path for accepting what happened, and not wanting to feel ashamed. Iyanla settles in that his mother needs to stop placing her pain from her rape onto him.
“She doesn’t need to put that on you. Take her down! Save yourself!” – Iyanla
Eugene experiences his breakthrough in the woods.
Towards the evening, Iyanla takes them out into the woods. She tasks them with finding their vision out in the woods, no matter how long it takes.
DeAndré seems to have found his vision, with hopes that he will use this experience to make himself a better man. Cory commits to remaining as vulnerable as he is here, everyday.
Dennis says he is “unconditionally happy.” He also commits to look beyond himself as a s*x object. Ricardo says he can separate himself from his pain and that his “pain is not [his] story.”
Eugene takes the longest to find himself. As a result, he ends up breaking down crying in front of Iyanla and the other gentlemen.
Iyanla gathers him and has Eugene take her back into the trees to explain what he saw. They end up walking through thick bushes and see broken trees. She takes this time to explain to him that he has already done plenty to get through what he has been through. He struggled with staring at the trees leaning on one another, and tangled. Iyanla shows him an easier way to walk out, to symbolize a better way to deal with his pain.
Everyone leaves stronger, able to deal with their past trauma in their own way.
At the end of the session, they have one final meeting together and they each talk about what they will work on. All of the men appeared open and willing to work on themselves, especially Eugene. Eugene is committing to getting therapy.
To close out everything, Iyanla takes the slips of paper they wrote on earlier and throws it into a campfire.
Overall, all of the men have positively done well with this experience. Dennis is happier than ever and more in tune with himself. Cory made himself vulnerable enough to enter into a new relationship. DeAndré says he found a newfound sense of empowerment with a tremendous weight off his shoulders. Ricardo opened up about his s*xuality with his mom and realized what he has been through doesn’t define him. Lastly, Eugene is in therapy, and realizing he is just traumatized, not crazy. He is also studying to be an EMT.
What are your thoughts on the episode?
