Spy Diva: Do You Check Your Man’s Cell Phone?

Cell phone checking is not for the fabulous.

By: Amanda Anderson

This is one relationship topic that never seems to get old. Men hate it to the core, and most women feel it is an absolute necessity in order to make sure that their man isn’t crossing over to the unfaithful side. It may be an oldie but goodie according to the woman’s guide to “man checking,” but is it really the best relationship practice? Now before you tell me a million reasons why every woman should tap into the forbidden list of contacts and recent call log (and text message inbox in some cases), let me tell you a million (well more like five) reasons you shouldn’t find the nerve to invade a brother’s mobile privacy.

1. You know you would commit manslaughter if he even did so much as breathe on your home screen.

Let’s switch roles for a moment. What if you were the one that had your cell phone taken and investigated without your approval? You love your man and this whole time you have been faithful, supportive, and basically the best girlfriend he’s ever had. Wouldn’t you be offended that instead of trusting you, he’d rather take a look into your cell phone and read all of the private conversations you had with close friends? Notice how I said, private?

I stressed the word private because even though you are in a committed relationship, that doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to privacy. I’m sure you have had some rather “colorful” girl talks with your closest girlfriends, and the conversations were probably filled with all types of confidential information that you wouldn’t want to share with your man. So because he’s a man, does that not mean he isn’t entitled to privacy with his close friends too?

Think about it, are you treating your man the same way you want to be treated? Remember; do unto others as others do unto you. If he isn’t checking your phone, what gives you the right to check his?

2. Knock, Knock…”Insecurity, is that you?”

I hope my belles won’t hate me for this, but only an insecure woman snoops into cell phones. It’s immature, pathetic, and the fact is you’re just way too fabulous for that. Insecurity is a rather complex situation, but there are some cases in which insecurity is a result of a host of bad experiences with some pretty bad men.

To put it simply; you’ve been cheated on, disrespected, and disappointed. No longer will you be the victim, so you have promised yourself that it won’t happen again. Now you have taken matters into your own hands, but the only problem is that all men aren’t the same. And with that being said, you could end up pushing a good man away because of your experiences with the bad ones.

It’s time to face your insecurity and deal with it completely. Don’t make your man pay for all the mistakes of the others. And it doesn’t make you weak to do so, it makes you mature.

3. “What’s done in the dark…but God’s light is brighter than yours.”

The old saying “What’s done in the dark will come to light,” is truly a powerful statement that I don’t think we fully understand. The phrase doesn’t mean that we should snoop and pry into people’s personal property to discover their ugly truths. And neither is it saying that we should be the light. Instead, it means that we should trust that the dirty works of men will be revealed to us with the truest light: God.

God sees all and knows all. He loves us enough that when others do things that can potentially harm us, He has a way of showing us. Don’t think for a moment that God doesn’t care if someone has wronged you. He cares and He handles it better than you ever could.

I have never been the type of woman to check a man’s cell phone to see if he was faithful. And it’s not because I didn’t care or that I was naïve (as some of you are thinking right now), it’s because I trust that God will show me everything I need to see. And time after time, He has.

Have you ever noticed that when people do dirty things, somehow the whole entire world finds out?

That’s no coincidence. Trust me when I say if your man is cheating, he will eventually slip up and carelessly leave some evidence. So don’t stoop to the level of immaturity, let him show you who he is.

4. If you don’t have trust, you have a problem.

If you have to check your man’s cell phone, it’s obvious that you really don’t trust him. And why on Earth should you be with someone you don’t even trust? If it’s not past relationships that have you giving your man the side eye, then it has to be something in his nature and in his character that makes him hard to trust. If you are finding it difficult to trust your man, maybe he’s not for you.

5. Get with the program and change your perception of men.

Now how can we say we are independent, intelligent, and successful women if we can’t even have enough dignity to refrain from checking cell phones?

It’s no secret that men and women don’t understand each other, but surely men are not the enemy. Take a look at your group of girlfriends. Are they man eaters or bashers? If your friends are always having men problems, maybe it’s not totally the men.

I will say it again because this is important:

All men are not the same, but maybe all the men you choose to date are strikingly similar. And if so, the problem lies within you. And no, all men don’t cheat; maybe you just have a knack for picking cheaters.

I’m not blaming you for all of your failed relationships, but I do hope you understand that there is no way genetically possible that one gender can produce the same types of personalities, tendencies, and character over and over. And since that is scientifically impossible, every time you meet a new man and start a relationship, he deserves a clean slate. You deserve peace of mind, and you won’t get that by being the crazy lady who can’t seem to keep her hands off her man’s cell phone.