Black men advise black women against looking for men in the church.
By: Amanda Anderson-Niles
When it comes to finding the right partner, most women think of the church as a safe place. For most people, church has always been a place where we grow spiritually, and learn valuable life lessons that equip us to have stronger relationships. Naturally, we also expect men to value church for these same reasons. To many, it just makes sense to look for “the one” in a place that we tend to learn more about ourselves, and most importantly God.
Unfortunately, there are men who feel as if church serves as nothing more than a place to pick up women who are emotionally weak and unable to catch on to the game they are being subjected to. In fact, they deem most church women as easy, and nothing more than women who just need the right man to make them temporarily forget the lessons the pastor taught them about pursuing Godly relationships.
While I can’t say I’ve been the one to find a date on church grounds, I did wonder if just maybe some men were faking their Christian status to do some of the most ungodly of things.
The answers I received from several men should put some things into perspective, and make some of you angry.
Here are honest answers given anonymously:
“Yes, I have picked up women from church, and I would be lying if I said it was because I was looking for something serious. [The shared sentiment amongst men] like myself is that church women are the freakiest. If we act like we are saved or so Holy, most likely she will let her guard down and we get her to have sex. With a lot of these kinds of women, they will pretend they want a saved man, but they will date men like me who don’t even respect their Christian views. I’m not a unique [dude] either.
I’m not saying what I do is right, but I think women have to take their religion seriously before a man will.”
What does seem to be a recurring theme with the men I interviewed is that they feel women are the gatekeepers to what kind of men they entertain. Even though some of these men are doing shady things in the church, they feel women allow their fears of being alone to make them get off their Godly paths:
“There is nothing wrong with being a Christian. But we can spot a hypocrite a mile away.
Too many women are afraid to uphold their standards because they feel like no one will be with them. If marriage is something that a woman wants ultimately, she should date a man who is serious about getting married. And no one says she has to meet that man in the church. “
And when I asked if women should focus on meeting men in the church:
“I strongly advise women to forget about meeting men in the church. There are too many men preying on women who are deep into the church, and it will always be that way. Women should just really focus on bettering themselves and learning about God…not looking for a potential spouse. I found my wife when I wasn’t looking for her, and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t looking for me either. But when she was single, she took that time to get to know God, and most importantly herself. She became so strong in God I think that she knew what she needed in a good partner and a husband. She let me know early that I couldn’t disrespect her and still have her. She used her time as a single woman to gain the courage she needed to demand the most out of her next partner.
Had she have been entertaining every dude that approached her in church or been looking for something else, we probably wouldn’t have ended up together.”
“I’m not saying you can’t find a good man in the church. But I am saying that a good man won’t make you compromise your beliefs to be in a relationship with him. There really isn’t a need to go to church looking for a man, because that type of mentality usually leads women to men who will prey on them. We are attracted to confidence, not dependency. Anything else is too easy. Your number one reason to be in church should not be to find me. From a spiritual standpoint, I think God rewards those that seek Him and use the Bible as a guide to love and relationships versus those who are just wasting time until someone comes along. God wants us to make the best use of our time alone.”
Perhaps real love is as easy as not looking for it, and having enough courage to wait on the real deal…which is usually the person that won’t force you to be something you aren’t, and do things you really shouldn’t have to.