As the temperature rises, so does a woman’s likelihood of becoming a fling if she’s not careful.
By: Amanda Anderson-Niles
As the Summertime quickly approaches, it seems like just about everyone is putting in overtime to get their bodies right. We’re hitting the gym more, watching what we take into our bodies; and killing off any pesky bad habits that might be keeping us from looking incredibly sexy in our swimsuits. But has anyone noticed that we don’t put that much work into protecting our hearts? Why is it that we keep putting so much work into the physical, versus putting in the same energy into making sure that our asses won’t be played when we dare decide to date again?
No woman likes to be played. Yet most of the decisions we make will turn us right into some man’s plaything. In a season when most men will be just looking for someone to do, it’s important that you don’t fall victim to the usual traps that will keep you merely a fling when you should be relationship material.
Here are 5 ways to make sure you won’t be someone’s jump off this summer.
1. Duh. Don’t date a ladies man.
Simple yet, so overlooked. A man who gets a lot of women, isn’t looking for the one. If he seems like he has too many options and entertains just about every single one of him; he most likely only views women as flings. Don’t waste your time trying to convince a man who views women as easy sexual objects that you’re any different. That’s not your job and you shouldn’t have to prove yourself to someone who treats his penis so recklessly.
2. Don’t treat a potential like your man. He’s not, but he could potentially be. There’s a difference.
Boos are overrated. Why do women get so excited and so exclusive with a man who’s not exclusively yours? He may be spending plenty of time with you, a regular visitor to your house; and even someone you can literally talk to all day. But until you have anything official, like a relationship, you need to be sure he isn’t getting the benefits of exclusiveness if it really isn’t exclusive.
I can’t stress this enough but never be too ashamed to date other people until you get into a serious relationship. Explore your options before ignoring them all completely for a seasonal boo thing.
As grown women, we all have to make sure we understand what dating means. Dating means getting to know. You’re not building anything with the person you’re dating or getting to know. Instead, you’re learning more about this person so you can decide if there’s anything to build. So make sure you’re not treating the situation with no foundation like it’s set in stone.
3. Don’t screw the guy who doesn’t even call you back on a regular basis.
You like this dude a lot, but all you get from him is a few random text messages if you’re lucky. He doesn’t call you back when he says he will, and you find yourself breaking your neck to get in touch with a man who really isn’t returning the sentiment. If this is the situation, understand he has no interest in you. Sure, sex is still a possibility, but he doesn’t consider you for anything else besides that. And despite what you think, your ill na na won’t be enough to change his perception of what your role should be in his life. I’ve yet to meet any woman who’s changed a man’s mind about them with their sex. Men label us quickly as potential wives, side pieces, potential girlfriends, and jump offs rather quickly from the first interaction.
4. Sex is better suited for those who have a relationship.
I don’t advocate meaningless sex. No judgment to those who prefer it, but it’s really pointless if you know stability and marriage is something you’d rather have. Don’t get in the habit of screwing nobodies. What’s a nobody? A man who won’t even be in your life longer than a couple of random months. Some would even say a nobody is any man you’re not married to. It’s all subjective.
5. Don’t let your hatred for or fear of loneliness make you someone’s bitch.
Everyone wants to have someone in the end. And it doesn’t matter who you are, as human beings, every single one of us is wired to desire companionship. Some seek it in random drunken sex, while some of us seek it through a string of unhealthy relationships.
Have the courage to be patient and resist bad relationships because you feel like you need some attention. That kind of attitude will get you the wrong kind of attention, and that’s truly the worst kind of loneliness.
Got any tips you’d like to add to the list? Speak on it.
Some of this stuff should be common sense. Sadly it isn’t. I think it’s really hard for us to date right now because we keep hearing from everyone that we won’t get married. That in itself will cause most people to settle.
That is so true. That 70% stat is dangerous because now we’ll date just about anyone because we don’t want to be a statistic. We have to start seeing things for what they really are, especially when dealing with the media.
I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s fling but I’m also someone who has been single for long periods of time because I wasn’t willing to accept just anything. I was like the only one in my circle of girlfriends who didn’t always have a man or boo and now I’m the first one getting married. It pays to have standards and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Really great advice. I remember the first time I ended up being someone’s side chick. It’s one of the worst feelings ever to like someone so much that you let your guard down too soon. It’s just best not to allow someone to use you. There’s a lot of men who will try.
This quote is powerful: “But has anyone noticed that we don’t put that much work into protecting our hearts? Why is it that we keep putting so much work into the physical, versus putting in the same energy into making sure that our asses won’t be played when we dare decide to date again?”
With the prevalence of social networks and the exagerrated desire for attention, many of us have allowed “likes” on photos or flattering comments by a whole bunch of nobodies to be somewhat of a determining factor of our self-worth and image. Social networking has made human interaction more about what is seen (physically) rather than what is said…or felt. Quite naturally, the majority will conform to what appeals to the majority all while expecting to be viewed/treated as the minority that’s “different” from the masses. Weird isn’t it? Ohhh the irony.
“Dating means getting to know. You’re not building anything with the person you’re dating or getting to know. Instead, you’re learning more about this person so you can decide if there’s anything to build. So make sure you’re not treating the situation with no foundation like it’s set in stone.”
Absolutely profound. Thank you.