By: Amanda Anderson-Niles
Iyanla Vanzant is without a doubt one of the bright spots of Oprah Winfrey’s Network OWN, and her show “Iyanla: Fix My Life” is a certified hit for the network. Although Iyanla is in the business of trying to fix lives and mend broken hearts, she’s been accused of causing more trouble in the lives of some of her former clients. Notably, rapper DMX claimed she ruined his life after his sit down with the self-help guru turned sour, but his son came to Iyanla’s defense and claimed the rapper is responsible for his own issues. Well it looks as if Iyanla is now shifting her focus to women of color as she had a few words for all black women in her recent interview with Madam Noire.
Iyanla called black women out for a number of things, but in particular seems to think we need to do a better job of picking men and stop having children with the wrong men. In fact, she sums it all up by saying black women are “out of order”:
“We have such a rich culture, as women in this country, descendants of the parent race of humanity. We have such a rich culture, and in that culture, there are roles and purposes, and powers, and we live in a society now where women are commodities, where women are demeaned, diminished, demoralized in ways that we accommodate. And if we really understood who we are as feminine representations of the creator of the universe, some of the things we experience in life, like crying when the unemployed boo boo leaves us, and we really understood who we are, we wouldn’t be so apt to let other people define us, and confine us. We are out of order!
“We’re out of order — let me just go right ahead and say it, let me just ask forgiveness now. There’s no reason for us to continue to have children with men who don’t honor us and don’t take care of their children. Out of order!”
Iyanla then goes on to tell the website black women are lacking a sense of sisterhood and betraying and defiling one another.
What do you think about Iyanla’s comments? Truth, tough love or ridiculous? Check out the video below and leave your thoughts in the comment section.
Umm I’m trying to understand why people keep acting like the black race is a monolithic one. Not every black person or black woman is the same.
Thank you. I’m ready for the day for us to stop being lumped into one category all the time. It’s bad enough a lot of whites do it (i.e.. Trayvon Martin) but it’s even worse when we do it ourselves. I am not a baby mama, I have a college education, I’m married and my husband has a degree too. And I’m not alone. Most of my friends are in the same boat, or they are single and educated.
I also know black women who didn’t go to college, but they are homeowners doing well. Stop assuming we’re all a mess.
Thanks girl. I agree. Most of my black female friends are doing very well. Maybe it is who I keep in my company or where I live, but I don’t notice these so called ratchet black women in high numbers. By the way, didn’t she lose her husband, her career tanked, and she squandered millions of dollars. I think she needs to take her own advice.
This is exactly what Iyanla is speaking too. What difference does her losing her husband, her career tanking, and she squandering millions have to do with what she has said about “Black women being out of order” We have nothing to defend…what we need to be doing is listing and owning up too, and breaking generational curses.
I agree, however, a lot of us are.
Thank you!
Love this. And Queen, phillychick as well. Great comments.
I don’t think that is Iyanla’s intention We know we are not monolithic. Western society treats us that way. It’s a slave mentality. I think that she is speaking to what she knows as a black women… dealing with black women. I listened to her video as well as read what she said about “Black women being out of order” and as a black women, I understand what she is saying, and I agree. As a black women, I see and feel this almost daily from other black women. I think that in order to address a situation/issue we first must expose, discuss, and enlighten one another, and move on to happniess.
I’m not saying she’s completely wrong but we have to make sure we understand not all black women have these kinds of issues. I mean damn. LOL.
No, I think that we are all bright enough to understand that she is not speaking too all black women. However, it does not change the fact the “We are out of order”…I am my sister’s keeper” And ladies, if these issues are not your issues, than the message is not for you.
Oh whatever. We talk so much about the so called “damaged” black women that we don’t even commend the ones doing well enough. I’m tired of it.
Thank You! I don’t know who these people are they are hanging around, but there are more of us doing better than we get credit for. Maybe she needs to find a new group of friends and stop acting like every black person has been a character on Murry!
So called damaged black women. A lot of us are damaged. It does not change the fact that we need to be healed. Reading the commentary I am wondering why be so defensive.It appers that we just don’t get it.
I do think more of us need to value ourselves and pick better men.
It’s not about the men, men are just one of the components. It is about us. Healing our spirits and loving us for who we are. But,if we don’t have honest dicussion we cant move forward. This life is about evolution.
I’m so tired of people telling us what’s wrong with us. Can we get more praise when we are doing good? *rolls eyes*
Praise, comes from hard work. We have work to do.Let’s get on it!
Oh well thanks for telling us how to fix our lives Ms. Know It All. I’m finally healed! *ends sarcasm*
Wow….so, for someone to say something relevant, they have to be a know it all?
Whatever! I get so tired of people acting black women are doomed!
We are not doomed, we are women of strength, intellegence, and beauty… Let’s talk about the issue!
We are not doomed. We are have strength, beauty,and intelligence. But, we have work too do. Lets stop giving our power away to fear.
Moments like this, I get mad at Oprah for brining Iyanla back to relevancy.
We are are relevent…stop it!
Actually, I think women as a whole (black, white, latino, etc.) need to do better. Black women aren’t the only ones who pick the wrong men or struggle with low self esteem. I guess pretending like we are the only ones who deal with this just makes for a better interview though.
We know we are not the only race that struggles with these issues. However, we do…so, lets talk about them openly and honestly.
I don’t care what Iyanla thinks!
Why comment at all then?
I love yall lol
Love you back!!!!!
What has Iyanla even accomplished besides that janky show on OWN? Does she have a man? Happily married? Business owner? She seems to know all the answers but her personal life is full of crickets.
I’m sleep tho…wake me up when Michelle Obama starts giving advice.
I will wake you up. But, I doubt that you will be listening to her either… Stop it.
But the thing is the issues that she is bringing up is not just black women issues they are women issues. Case in point I have a white girlfriend who supports her unemployed boyfriend has 2 kids and with this loser who doesn’t think she can do any better and refuses to leave him. Stop making it seem like black women are the only statistic of this type of behavior.
YES!
Did you talk with your “white friend ” about your feelings?
I agree with the majority of these comments. Black women are not monolithic. There are some good and some bad in every group of individuals. The key word being ‘individuals’. I think that it does more harm than good to lump all black women into one box.
Agreed.
Who’s is doing that.? Be still…listen, and observe.
I agree with her! A lot of us are doing quite well, with none of these issues. However, the ones you keep hearing about aren’t – and those are the ones that others are using to define us. It’s a shame that everyone one is being lumped into the same category, but till we as a race, and as women start to do better, that generalization will continue to happen.
A lot of us are doing well…with a few of the issues. Lets get honest…let us do better and talk.
NOT an Iyanla fan. She should know better than to make reckless comments like that. There are specific personalities that fall in the categories she’s yakking about. Certainly not ALL or even the majority of Black women. Somebody needs to fix her life.
WOW!!!!! what was so reckless about her comment. Question: who you be one of tjose personalities that fall in the categories she is “yakking” about. Stop it!
I agree with 15.julyol1972. I too am an educated black woman that started out a statistic, having my first child when I was 17. However, I turned my negative into something that motivated me not what defined me. I worked for the same company for 14 years, bought my first home, and got several degrees while I was a single mother. Once I had my second child, my first child was 16 and then I got married to someone with the same goals as me. Unfortunately, I know of plenty of co workers, family and even friends who are stuck in this continous negative cycle. And when you are not bothered with them because of the same old, same old, they become upset and say things like you think you are better than them. No I dont want to hear you went to the club, got pissy drunk, didnt go to work now you are angry because you no longer have a job. Or cant pay your light bill! The thing is yes its a generalization for all black woman but when the media does not define the people like me due to people like them…yes she is correct on this one!!!!! Sad but true. If you dont agree…turn on the tv……..basketball wives, love and hip hop, do I need to continue?
Well what is the solution in your opinion? We have the same narrative about Black men. We’re slackers, we’re over sexed, we’re irresponsible, we don’t love or take care of our children etc… In actually that’s a small part of any population however I believe that in general people don’t want to take the time to think for themselves. They would rather passively absorb information about others and make that information (regardless whether there is an agenda behind it or not) a part of their own truth. My personal solution is to mentor individual Black boys and sow seeds into Black men and women individually. I cannot help the masses but I can help 1 person. I’m interested in knowing what you feel a solution is to this issue. 🙂
Well I’m not her, but I agree with everything you said. My father is an amazing man and has been married to my mom for over 30yrs. From my observations it is a small group of black men because most will do anyThing to protect their families and are wonderful role models. Sometimes we forget people like ilyana-pseudotheraptist- is really talking about herself and transfering her self loathing on to others.
The solution it to tell the truth, so that we as a people can heal, and bring more of what you have to offer into our lives. It is about breaking generationl curses and sowing seed for success.
You got it. Thank you!!!!