By: Jason Perry
So you have found the perfect person, and you feel as though you can’t breathe unless you are near them. The way they smile makes you all gooey inside and you cannot seem to understand how you have been living this long without them. You have everything in common that is possible for two people to have, and you see no problems on the horizon. This person is already considered an in-law within your family, and your mother is excited to see them eat her special dish at family functions. And in the words of Tom Cruise “Nothing mattered until you met them.” You have visions of yourself putting a ring on it or saying yes to a bended knee proposal. As a result of your mental and physical passion for them, you decide you can’t take any more holding hands, kissing and cuddling on the couch; you need release and your body needs it now.
Everything you have felt for your lover has finally been put into action, and you engaged in what you knew would be the most intense and emotionally charged sex you have ever had. But when you roll over you realize you could have had a V8, maybe two. You’re in-between a rock and not so hard place and you were really just moaning as a bed cheerleader, so you can get to sleep a little faster. You know you love this person and everything about them, but the thought of having to endure terrible sex is daunting and love alone may not be enough to satisfy you. But of course you are not that superficial, or blunt enough to let them know just how many sheep you have counted while having sex with them. But if you love a person and you can see yourself with them long-term, you must let them know that you are not pleased sexually. Although we are human and we need physical stimulation, it’s important to remember that you can be physical with most anyone, but not everyone will be in love with you and your better sex conversation must be had, regardless of how uncomfortable you are. If you get nervous just flash back to how you felt when you were moaning with your eyes open or thought that you need to get up early to be in line for the new Jordan’s.
Contrary to popular belief, sexual performance can be taught, some may need remedial guidance and your patience must not wear thin. But to be loved and cared for is something we all need, and fostering that love should go beyond a couple private sex classes. Some of you may be thinking that when your body is yearning for physical connection, the last thing on your mind is your lover’s big brain or huge heart. But you will also be the same person saying “I just can’t seem to find love” when you had it and let go. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy and it will require some sacrifice, both physically and mentally; but if the love is real, it’s worth it. You have to have a can do attitude going in if you want a different outcome, but if you see this person as a passerby you may not want to invest. In the words of Tina Turner ‘What’s love got to do with it?” Well when you think long-term and consider what you will need in your old age, love is monumental and even vital for mental health. Have an open mind and let love conquer all and if that doesn’t work, clip your coupon for some V8.
Great article and amazing advice. I personally feel that love is the foundation needed to endure the obstacles of any relationship. Sex skills can be developed, so it should never be a deal breaker.
In the words of Sophia in the Color Purple. “Hell Nah” lol
LMAO
I think society as a whole places too much emphasis on sex. We have it too soon, give it away too easily and base too many of our relationships on it. There needs to be a healthy balance of the purpose sex serves in our relationships. I think once we do that, we’ll have more patience with our partners who struggle sexually.
Hmm…I love sex and I have lots of it. And I will be very real here and say that if I don’t get mines, I can’t stay in the relationship. Now I will give a man the chance to redeem himself, but after a few times, either you got it or you don’t. Every woman needs an orgasm, and I’m not giving mine up for “love.” Sorry.
That’s a very interesting perspective. You know they say over 70% of women don’t have orgasms though, so it’s interesting to see you have them regularly or that not having them is a deal breaker for you.
I think I would try to work through things first before I call it off because the sex is bad. I just feel like it’s something that most people can work out. But is love a substitute to good sex? No, not at all.
I can answer that question from experience…NOPE! LMBO!
Sex is important, good sex is even more important. I tried that teaching him stuff and unless you have a mature man that wants to really learn how to satisfy his woman you’re wasting your time. And how often can you help him or her make the sexual experience and it not aggravate the problem. It may not always be magical, but there should come a time when you’re in harmony with your love making. Yes we want to believe love is enough, but at the end of the day if the sexual part of your relationship isn’t working out you’ll find yourself in the 80/20 rule and that 20 start looking bigger and bigger. You would think because we can have sex without love, we could have love without great sex….
I would say NO THANK YOU…… I am currently in a situation where I have the most fun with this man….. he looks good than a MF and he is smart……. Well lets say I had so much expectation when it was time for the “Take Down” session….. Well lets just say he’s 250lbs pure man and muscle….. Damn he looks good, but I felt like I was sleeping with a child…….. I could barely feel anything and for some reason I was extremely turned off after that…… He is constantly like, “How can you go so long without us being intimate” and I’m making up every excuse in the book as to why it hasn’t happened…. playing the virgin mary, and I know I’m an animal with whomever I’m with. I want him and would definitely marry him, but it pisses me off, and I’m often times ready to make another phone call because of my sexual frustration…. I hate this feeling I have because I want him, so why am I feeling like I can’t get over this……
Well I think step one is being honest with him, regardless of how his ego will suffer. You have to have that better sex conversation with him, because if you really like him you don’t his sex to be the reason you leave him. The real truth is you may indeed find someone who can sex you the way need it, but that person may not appeal to any other part of your character and then the cycle of hunting for a non-existent total package will continue.