Neffe admits to cheating on Soullow.
The episode opens with Neffe being welcomed to Iyanla’s compound.
“I want Ms. V to help me get my power back.” – Iyanla
Iyanla asked Neffe if she complete her homework. Neffe, in a round about way says no. One of the assignments was to unpack her baggage. Neffe says she went to counseling for up to 5 months, weekly.
She said her insurance stopped covering her therapy. Neffe received a scholarship to Iyanla’s Wonder Woman workshop. But, she didn’t attend.
“You don’t come to see me with a face full of makeup.” – Iyanla
Neffe begins to get teary eyed, saying that she doesn’t have a support structure to call her mom. She tells Iyanla that she struggles to wrap her mind around her own reality.
Iyanla brings up how she showed up 3 hours late to their last meeting together. Today, Neffe was 45 minutes late to her current meeting.
Iyanla says she has the same behavior as the last time. Neffe tells Iyanla that she forgot to bring her suitcase. When she got to the hotel, she and Soullow had an argument because she was talking to another man from California.
The fight, she tells Iyanla, stemmed from Neffe suggesting that the attention she receives from a male friend makes her want to “orally pleasure” him.
“The attention he gives me make me wants to… suck his d***.” – Neffe
“I just don’t understand how, in the middle of a healing process, there’s a discussion about sucking on the weenie. I just don’t get it,” she says to Neffe. “You got so much other crap going on—a weenie is the last thing you need!” – Iyanla
Neffe then breaks down and tells Iyanla about the lack of affection and physical intimacy in her marriage, and she says she feels that being married to Shelby is “just a title.”
She tells Iyanla she doesn’t have a marital bed, love or affection.
“It’s just a title. We don’t live that way.” – Neffe
Iyanla isn’t falling for what she’s saying because Neffe’s not doing the work.
Neffe refuses to believe her diagnosis of bi-polar disorder.
Neffe did say she was diagnosed with severe depression and bi-polar disorder. Iyanla was able to get out of Neffe that her doctors say she self-medicates with alcohol.
Neffe then revealed that she refuses to take the medication prescribed for her bi-polar disorder. Iyanla goes off on her for not taking the meds. However, Neffe doesn’t believe she’s bi-polar.
The diagnosis appears to make sense to Iyanla. Neffe says she tried to take the meds and it spaced her out.
“Supposed they said it was cancer. What if you refused that medication? Guess what? You’d be dead.” – Iyanla
Neffe said she never looked at the medication from that prospective.
At the end of their session, Neffe hugs Iyanla, thanking her again.
Soullow claims he’s done with his marriage.
After their session, Soullow arrives. Iyanla greets him at the door and they head to their meeting. At the start of the meeting, he reveals he almost died from an ulcer.
Iyanla tells him the ulcer derived from stress. Now, he doesn’t want to be part of this session nor his marriage.
“There is no marriage.” – Soullow
Iyanla asks about their argument, and he says she was drinking at a restaurant. He felt disrespected by Neffe talking on the phone with her friend, whose penis she wants to s***.
He admits he’d feel less than a man if he leaves due to his daughter. Iyanla he says he transferred to a different man, that may be destructive to himself and his marriage.
Neffe starts another argument with Soullow, angering Iyanla.
Suddenly, Neffe yells from downstairs at the both of them, calling Soullow a liar. She also demands to leave the set. As Neffe and Soullow continue to yell over each other, Iyanla ushers Neffe into her room and tells her to mind her own business.
“He is a liar!” Neffe shouts at Iyanla in protest.
“So what?!” Iyanla says. “What does that have to do with you? Does what he eat make you poop?” – Iyanla
“He’s lying!” – Neffe
“What am I lying about?” – Soullow
Neffe goes over the edge when Soullow says she’s no longer his “massa.”
Iyanla heads to Neffe and tries to calm things down. Neffe does admit to Iyanla again that she wanted to suck her friend’s d***.
Iyanla tells her that she has to figure out how to stop being affected by what he says. She also tells Neffe that it’s okay for them to see things differently and have different experiences.
This behavior is destroying their marriage.
Iyanla walks off the set, livid with Neffe and Soullow.
Afterwards, Iyanla heads to confront Soullow. She tells him that his contributions to their destructive behavior led to his ulcer. She also asks him why he’s there.
“To learn how to let go.” – Soullow
Iyanla tells him “free man don’t act like that.”
Soullow insists that he is unbothered by anything Neffe does and is finally a “free” man, but Iyanla points out that a truly free individual wouldn’t be compelled to engage with Neffe the way Soullow still does. Iyanla then confronts Soullow with Scripture, asking him what kind of God would want him to stay in such a stressful situation, even on behalf of the kids.
“I will not, in the name of entertainment, put my name on this level of exploitation!” – Iyanla
She also demands Soullow apologizes to her. Next, Iyanla heads to Neffe, yelling at her too.
“A black woman in front of the world, cussing at the top of your lungs at a black man. And you got five children. No! You don’t get to do it in my presence!” – Iyanla
As Iyanla rails against her behavior, Neffe sits in sorrowful silence. Eventually, Iyanla leaves the set, saying to the camera she’s done with them both.
“When you’re ready and you’re willing to hear and receive, you let me know.” – Iyanla
Neffe and Soullow realize their marriage is irreparably broken.
The next day, Iyanla returns to talk to Neffe. She wants to do what she can to get Neffe to accept her bi-polar diagnosis. Iyanla also tells her she’s dealing with substance abuse.
During their conversation, Iyanla tells Neffe she needs to take her condition serious and accept her therapists’ solutions.
“You first must accept her diagnosis is correct and applicable to you.” – Iyanla
She also tells Neffe she needs to prepare herself and her household to be without Soullow.
Next, Iyanla gets Soullow to accept he was out-of-order the day before. She tells him that he’s addicted to he pain he’s suffering in his relationship with Neffe. Iyanla tells Soullow he’s killing himself remaining in his position and he needs a mental health professional.
Finally, Iyanla brings Neffe and Soullow together for one final meeting. During they talk, they have a bowl where they pour glass of water into. The water contains dirt. As they pour the water, flash backs play from their first time with Iyanla.
After they pour their liquid into the bowl, they are left with dirty mud.
“This is unacceptable. You got to make a choice.” – Iyanla
Finally, Iyanla asks them both if they want to stay married.
Neffe and Soullow decide to go their separate ways.
Soullow says he got issues. And until he gets rid of those issues, he says he can’t stay with her. She agrees and Iyanla says the marriage is over.
She tells them it’s important they both learn how to co-parent and get help.
Iyanla then gets Neffe to apologize to Soullow for her behavior. Soullow does the same thing, apologizing for his behavior. Before they leave, Iyanla leaves Neffe and Soullow some sound advice.
“You have to learn how to stop looking at each other. You have to learn. Because it’s a codependent enmeshment, and it’s so familiar to you, you’ll go there by default. Get some help working that out. Get some help working that out. Don’t try to do that by yourself.” – Iyanla
After the show, Soullow says Neffe’s drinking increased since the show. As a result, he moved out of their home so that he can focus on his health.
He also claims both of them are in the process of divorcing.
However, Neffe says she’s been using the “tools” given by Iyanla in order to evaluate herself. Neffe claims she’s not drinking, gone back to school, and Shelby still lives in the house.
She claims Soullow won’t sign the divorce papers.
What did you think of the episode?
