By: Amanda Anderson
With the increasingly popularity of celebrity blogs and reality shows, it is easier now than ever to become a D-List celebrity. While talent is not required, class won’t get you very far in the new Hollywood of Overnight Celebrity.
Wonder how they do it? Here are the 4 steps it takes to become the next D-List celebrity. Leave your self-respect at the door, and you too can become the next sensation to be featured on the urban blogs.
1. Make a mediocre sex tape and leak it for the entire world to see.
This is by far the one of the most popular methods to stardom. The best part of it all is you don’t even have to be remotely good at it. For any female to take this route, she would have to have a pretty face and play the victim card once the tape was released. Sure, she knew it would be leaked…but she has a reputation to protect, right?
Do it well, and a perfume line, NFL boyfriend and a reality show won’t be hard to attain.
This method requires the least bit of work, just lay on your back and look pretty.
2. Become a professional prostitute to rappers and professional athletes.
This method will require more work than the first. You don’t even have to worry about good looks with this option– just treat your body body like a sperm dumpster and you will become a household name.
Just simply allow any rapper or professional athlete to sleep with you, as long as he pays. Create a Twitter account, and tweet about all of your paid sexual encounters.
Then create a blog and put each “client” on blast. Within hours, you’ll be able to just sit back and watch millions of hits come in. This method works easily because it’s no secret that most people rather read trash than substance. By lowering one’s standards, it’s pretty easy to pull in as many hits as Media Take Out.
3. Leave the stripper pole and become the girlfriend of a multi-platinum rapper.
What’s the easiest way to a modeling contract? Dating one of the most successful rappers of the moment of course. It takes a specific type of body for this method to work, so any female considering this method should be sure to have enough money stashed to buy a new set of boobs and an ass that doesn’t even look natural.
If all else fails, just buy some really great butt pads. It’s not like most men will be able to tell the difference anyway.
Warning, you will become irrelevant if your famous rapper boyfriend dumps you.
4. Look for love on the latest VH1 reality coonfest.
If you don’t mind getting your coon on, just book an audition for one of VH1’s latest reality dating shows. This method won’t get anyone further than their own reality show for a couple of seasons, but it still remains the most sought out claims to “fame.”
But it takes a special type of female to survive cooning for a couple months and one that doesn’t mind competing with dozens of other females who lack the same morals for a taste of fame. You can’t mind looking like a complete slut on national TV and sleeping with some of the most disgusting men on the face of the planet.
This method is the most popular but it is also the worst path to take. In about two years, the unlucky reality TV star will be irrelevant and so a cycle of media whoring must begin.
To get back relevant and to become a hot subject on the celebrity blogs again, you will have to commit some pretty slutty acts to get people talking. Popular methods include “leaking” nude photos, sex tapes, and any other signature whore-ristic tactic previously mentioned in this article.
Anything to keep that career afloat, right?
While this article comes off as sarcastic and pretty anal, the whole purpose is to remind all of my self-respecting and hard working belles that it’s much better to get ahead in life by actually working hard and having the skills and talent to back it up. When any female decides to use her body or sexual antics to establish a “career,” she’ll always get the short end of the stick (pun intended). She won’t have longevity in the business because she has no real substance or talents to keep her remotely interesting. And if that’s the case, a cycle of reckless and slutty behavior is inevitable to hold on to that little bit of fame she has left.
Real women take control of their own lives without depending on the hormones of men to lead them to success. What kind of woman are you trying to be?
Create your own destiny by sheer talent and smarts alone…self-respect required.