The Death of Marriage: The Hollywood Complex

Hollywood’s continued downplay of marriage is affecting us more than we realize.

By: Amanda Anderson
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last decade or so, you know that the divorce rate is at an all time high. Statistics indicate that more than 50 percent of marriages will fail and when stacked up against other countries, the United States ranks number one in divorce. As a society, we have become so promiscuous, no one has seemed to notice that our desire or ability to be monogamous has decreased while divorce has increased. There may be many factors responsible for why so many of us can’t stay married, but the biggest possibility continues to go unnoticed while they flash their divorces in our faces: Celebrities. It’s clear they don’t value marriage, and as a result, since we’ve become celebrity obsessed, it’s only natural that we begin to subconsciously mimic their behavior.
Don’t see how Hollywood has taken it’s toll on this country’s divorce rate?
Let me show you.
The Other Woman Syndrome Is Glorified At The Hands of Beautiful Celebrities

Remember when marriage used to be sacred? Can’t see that far back can you? I’m sure you can’t when even R&B starlets are stealing husbands like they are going out of style. Well hell, according to the statistics, maybe husbands are going out of style. Regardless, this is the kind of behavior our mommas warned us about, yet we now have become so desensitized to man stealin’ we’ve started to blame the wife for her husband’s trifling-ass-ness. Remember MaShonda anyone, or better yet, Fantasia’s dramatic portrayl of home wreckin’ with a T-Mobile salesman? It seems like most of us blame these wives for being cheated on…”If she would have handled her business…”
We’re bobble-headin’ and hoping we too can snatch one up like Alicia Keys.
We’re also so certain that wives have got to be doing something wrong if Alicia Keys is breaking up marriages, and we haven’t seemed to realize that our jacked up mentality on adultery have also taken a toll in our own lives and relationships. 
Like a trickle down effect, married men are prowling more than ever with not so married black women. They, like Ms. Keys, aren’t even held responsible…remember seeing this on the gossip blogs?

” Alicia Keys isn’t married to MaShonda. I mean, she didn’t break any vows, Swizz did! I wish these wives would stop getting mad at the women when it’s the husbands doing the cheating. Why get mad at Alicia?”

How about because she willingly pursued a man that she knew was still married? Make any sense?
Now the Alicia Keys and Swizz saga is well past old news, but the message is still clear. Since we’ve seen adultery so much in Hollywood, we no longer sympathize with the wife. Guess who’s side we’re on now? Yes, we’re siding with the other women and stripping them of any responsibility in committing adultery, an act that is committed by two people.
We then tell the wives who are left to pick up the pieces of their broken marriages to get over it and move on because hating is beneath them. 
Did I forget to mention that marriage is something that God takes seriously, so why don’t we?
Here’s the motto for the women in our generation: 
Don’t have a man in your mid 30s? Well go after someone else’s. I mean, as long as your beautiful enough to make him leave, what’s the problem?
Forget seeking men that don’t require you to lose favor with God, by interfering with a Godly institution.
As long as we continue to minimize the effects of breaking up marriages and placing those that do it on pedestals, expect to see more of this in our communities. 
This woman seems to prove my point effortlessly:

” I don’t see why we should blame the other woman. If a woman is handling her business, then a man is going to come home every night. Sex him good, and he won’t cheat. These wives need to learn how to please their men, and then no one would need to commit adultery.” – Jessica T. 

Marriage before children is sooo outdated.

Lil’ Wayne, Diddy, Swizz Beatz and many other black men in the industry have made it known that they are content with being ladies men. Men like these have multiple children with multiple women, and regardless of the fact that they are getting too damn old to still sag their pants and chase after women like the have just hit puberty; they seem to have some type of disbelief in wearing condoms. 
It’s obvious that they don’t believe in marriage, but they do believe in having plenty of baby mommas. And sadly, this mentality is hitting our black men hard. So hard, that it’s a contributing factor as to why at least 70% black women ain’t married. Notice that the statistics don’t say that 70% of black women are unmarried and childless.
In fact, we make up the largest number of single mothers. Yet, we continue to support the very artists who are responsible for glamorizing this behavior.
What worse is these are some of the men that black women can’t get enough of. I’m sure you can think of at least 10 sisters who just love them some Lil’ Wayne and Diddy. But I can’t understand what any woman sees sexy in a grown ass man who has yet to prove that he has ever worn a condom, and discards women like trash, and in many cases, switches them in and out like discount designer handbags.
Yes, a man who abhors commitment is just oozing with sex appeal.
We’re enabling this behavior, all because we’re trying to cuff up men who don’t even believe in marriage, and have proven it with their abundance of baby mommas and illegitimate children. 
It’s never a good sign when a man has multiple children with multiple women!
And in the process, we can no longer see the value in marriage.
Don’t we and our children deserve better?
Don’t believe that there are women who no longer see the value in marriage, since having kids out of wedlock is the norm in our communities? Meet Mya…

” I mean marriage is nothing but a piece of paper, right? Love is real. So if a man loves you and ya’ll have kids together, what’s the rush in getting married? Ya’ll already have a family. Women need to stop waiting on these so called good men to come and rescue them. The fact is marriage is so overrated, and I don’t need a ring to know that I am loved.” Mya W.

When it comes to marriage, vows mean nothing when you grow apart.
Ever notice when most celebrities cite the reason for their divorce, it’s usually this:
“We just grew apart.”
So although you stood before God and took a vow for better or for worst, you just go ahead and divorce because you lost a little spark in your marriage?
It’s apparent that these celebrities don’t take their vows seriously or understand the meaning of them. For better or for worst means a commitment to making it work. That means understanding that you won’t be head over heels in love with your spouse everyday. But that commitment means you’re willing to fight to have more better days, and rekindle the flame when life’s hardships blow it out. 
Instead, you have these people getting divorced because they spent too much time away because of their careers. But what happened to sacrifice and compromise?
Sacrifice means someone could have taken a break on their projects to support the other’s project, and compromise means that the roles would be reversed accordingly.
And in real life, we’re hauling ass in our marriages just as quickly as the celebs. “He’s changed.” “I just don’t love them anymore.” 
Did you expect a fairytale ending?
I guess so if you thought you’d manage to find someone perfect to love, and a marriage that contains nearly no obstacles.
Since we aren’t willing to work in our marriages, there’s no way most of us will stay married.
Danielle’s marriage ended because she felt she and her ex husband had just become two different people:

“I mean, I’m divorced, and I met my ex husband in college. We were together for 10 years, and I know we loved each other very much, but marriage was hard. People change, and we couldn’t really recognize each other anymore, nor did we try for some reason. Needless to say we got divorced because we just grew apart.” – Danielle B.

If these quotes don’t prove that we have allowed Hollywood’s warped views on marriage to affect us, I don’t know what else will. 
Well maybe a 50% divorce rate could do the trick…

1 comment

  1. Great points. I never really considered how much Hollywood was affecting our real life relationships and marriages. This article definitely makes me look at things a lot differently.

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