By: Amanda Anderson
As a magazine, we get plenty of pitches from publicist for up and coming authors, artists, designers; hell, just about anyone looking for a little publicity. We can dig it, as we understand how crucial media is to expand one’s career and even stand a chance in selling books, clothes, or the implement a new business idea. Every now and then, at the request of a publicist, we get some pretty interesting books. But there was this one book in particular that made me almost spit out my morning tea after reading some of the ignorance between its pages.
And it’s the opinions and theories/explanations of the book that made me realize that black men and black women are so lost in this thing of love and marriage that we can’t even realize it because we’re too busy trying to destroy the other. I’m not on the angry black woman bandwagon, and I honestly think there’s nothing worst than a black man that somehow feels the need to go out his way to degrade his own sisters.
If we look hard enough, both genders can understand that we really don’t understand each other beyond the basics.
But there will always be idiots that cannot seem to be rationale enough to understand that for once, this isn’t a black thing. This is a man and woman thing that has been going on in all races and cultures forever.
But since I am a loving sister who always loves to clear the polluted air of black love, I thought I’d clarify and at least explain why some brother’s views are distorted. I’ll try my best to do it in a way that won’t compromise my fabulousness, so I will keep it classy the Urban Belle way.
1. “Black women are just too damn opinionated!”
This is true my brother. We are a very opinionated group of head strong women. We say how we feel and we were taught since birth to be that very way. Now it doesn’t mean that we get a pass to be bitter and evil hearted women, it just means that we have a right to have our own opinions and express them at our discretion.
And it takes a pretty secure brother to handle that. I know some in particular who actually love a woman who can stand up for herself intelligently (no head rolling, lip-smacking, eye rolling, or finger snapping).
In fact he said, “Black women are no doubt some of the most difficult group of women I have ever dealt with. They are combative, argumentative, and they won’t let you run over them. And honestly, what’s more attractive than that? Real men don’t want a woman they can run over and mistreat.”
Need I say more? Sounds like some brothers have some stepping up to do.
2. “Black women are all about money! They have to have expensive dinners, clothing, houses, and the works. They don’t want the Average Joe. They only want athletes and rappers.”
And I say, what kind of women are you attracting my brother? Are you a magnet for groupies, because if so, that’s more like a personal problem than a representation of black women.
As a black woman, I look for many things. A million dollars in your bank account isn’t one of them. Why? A million dollars can’t buy good character. I don’t like rappers, since most of them are too ignorant to carry a conversation with (athletes just as well). And my girlfriends don’t prefer them either.
But we don’t want an average brother either seeing as we’re not average. Are we model chicks? No, but we’re beautiful sisters with college degrees and we run our own businesses. So we would need to be with men who can respect that. Do we want our equals? Of course, who doesn’t? That doesn’t make us gold diggers, it makes us human to want someone we can relate to.
And as far as being all about the money… no offense to my Caucasian belles out there, but they are about the money too. They have no shame in admitting that they pick their spouses from their career choices. Simply put, they’re too smart to date a man with nothing. White couples make more annually than black couples because that’s one of their priorities. If a man is providing, he takes care of his family. Isn’t that your job fellows? So what’s wrong with wanting a man with a career in tact? You guys sound silly.
3. “Black women require too much work.”
I won’t even respond to this. This new generation of lazy men is disgusting to say the least. I can’t speak for other women, but I will be courted. Any real woman agrees.
4. “All of you are ungrateful.”
If any black man decides to stay with a woman who doesn’t appreciate him, that’s his own fault. Again, that is not a fair assessment of black women. I understand a man needs praise and encouragement, and I have never been the type to neglect him from those basic needs. Are there some women out there who refuse to do so? Of course. But it’ not limited to one race of women. Hence, that’s why whites are getting divorced at high rates as well.
5. “Black women are selfish in bed!”
If you sat down and talked to most black women, you’ll find that they feel you are pretty selfish yourself.
6. “Black women are too independent.”
We are taught to go to college, get our education, great careers, and take care of ourselves. In an ideal world, we would all get married to a great man who can take care of us. But that’s not realistic. At least 60% of us will never marry. So can you blame us for taking care of ourselves? We can’t wait for our shinning knight in armor anymore…he may never come. But if a good man comes along, you’ll find that most black women with sense will gladly step back and let you great men out there take the lead. You just have to show up first. Besides, no woman wants a man that can’t lead.
7. “Ya’ll only like the thugs and the rest of the men who treat ya’ll bad.”
Again, this isn’t limited to race. This is part of woman-hood. We rebel at some point of our lives, and whatever guy our parents warned us about will look like love. But it’s the old experiences that help us appreciate a good guy when he comes. And this is true for men too. I can say the guys I liked at 15 don’t have a chance in hell now.
Bad people help you better recognize good people.
8. “Black women make the good guys friends.”
True. We do that until we realize that it’s more important to have the things we need than the things we want. And when we do, friendship won’t be a good enough label. We like men must mature. It’s not a racial things, it’s just life.
9. “Black women are selfish.”
Everyone is selfish to some degree. Society is proof of that. Again, another complaint that can’t be limited to one race or gender of people.
10. “White women please their men sexually, that’s why we cross over!”
I guarantee if these complaining black men sat down and learned how to actually please a woman sexually, this wouldn’t even be on the list. Sorry guys, but women have to be pleased too. This isn’t the 50s, and we know our bodies. And that lie about women not being able to have orgasms through sexual intercourse is proof that most men regardless of race are ignorant about a woman’s sexual needs. This is half the reason some women have had marital affairs. Wake up and smell the coffee and don’t blame black women for something that all women can understand.
I made this list because I am sick of seeing this in books, on blogs, and hearing it in conversation. The fact of the matter is white men don’t go out their way to tell the world how flawed white women are. Why? Well, they understand that men and women have issues to work out. It’s not that white women are better. If they were, why is the divorce rate so high for white marriages?
You do the math.
Women and men are wired differently, and we’ll never completely understand each other. But what we can do is sit down and try to open the door to communication and at least find some type of common ground. But the more and more we continue to degrade each other, the more we lose as a people. We have come way too far to move backwards and we have to stop believing that grass is greener on the other side…especially when every yard is capable of having snakes.