I have been in some pretty toxic relationships, and I always ended up with the men who started off perfect in the beginning, but eventually mistreated me so badly that I felt like they had become a totally different person. Relationship after relationship, I was disappointed and heart broken. Like most women, I had almost given up. I shut down from men and prospective relationships, and had no real interest in getting to know someone and getting involved in a serious relationship. At that point of my life, I just didn’t see the point.
Sometimes I think a woman’s exhaustion of men must be sexy or something, because it seems like most men approach you when you’re absolutely fed up. It could just be my experience, but this nuisance was growing out of control for a woman who had no interest or any desire to be boo’d up with anyone.
I had a type and that’s usually who approached me. I have always been a sucker for tall, beautiful men, who were charming, and usually ladies men. I now know that maybe that was my problem, but at the time, I wasn’t so sure.
While I was in my usually man hating mood, I was out one night with friends, when a lesser attractive man approached me, interested in starting some great conversation. I looked at him like he had lost his damn mind, but he smiled, and introduced himself anyway.
I thought about telling him to kick rocks, but the way he had approached me was very different. There were no lines, he didn’t even offer to buy me a drink; but instead, he introduced himself and wanted to talk. I hesitated, but felt comfortable due to his demeanor. I figured if he was a complete idiot, I could just fake a stomach ache and go home.
But to my surprise, he was extremely intelligent, charming, and interesting. He wasn’t a 10 by any stretch, but he able to make me forget about every other man that was there that night.We exchanged numbers, and began to hang out.
Dates followed, and I eventually began to really like this man. However, I was vain, and I cared what my girls thought. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who wasn’t a head turner, and I didn’t want to be judged for who I was with.
I tried to prolong getting serious, but eventually, my feelings triumphed. We began a relationship, and for once, I was with a man who put my needs in front of his. It was weird at first, as nice guys are so very different from what we know and usually date, so it took me a while to understand that he was just that type of man. It wasn’t an act, that was his true character.
And even 6 months down the line, he was still the same. He would always call me when he said he was going to, taking me out to places that he thought I would love, cooking dinner when I didn’t feel like it, and he keeps me intrigued through conversation due to his wit and intelligence. No he wasn’t fine by any stretch, but he made me happier than I had ever been.
When we began to be intimate, I expected the sex to be bad since I wasn’t as physically attracted to him as I had been with the men in my past. But when I say that it was good, it was good! It’s not because he was so incredibly endowed, but he was patient and took the time to learn my body, and respond to what I liked. And by doing that, I was sexually fulfilled. He still pleases me to this very day because it has never been and will never be about his ego, but making me happy in the bedroom.
My girls cracked jokes in the beginning because I had “downgraded” according to them. But any real woman could tell by the way that he was treating me that I had actually upgraded. I was happy while their fine ass boyfriends treated them like trash, cheated on them, and would give them lack luster intimacy. Meanwhile, my little “downgrade” was cooking me dinner, loving me unconditionally and supportive in everything I was doing.
Now I know that you will say that the lesser attractive men can be horrible too, but that’s not why I am writing this. I am writing this because there are many women who are just like how I used to be; looking for fine ass men, that look perfect, but only end up breaking your heart later. You’ll keep chasing after these same men, and keep getting mistreated. You may pass up the better man because he’s isn’t tall and fine, with a big old ding a ling.
But honestly, it’s not about how a man looks, how tall he is, or if every other woman in the room wants to be with him. It’s about how he treats you!
I’m happy because I met a man who treats me good all the time. We don’t have good months or good weeks, but instead we are continuously working on our relationship. He’s committed to me and I’m committed to him. And the commitment shows in our actions.
Every woman deserves a man that keeps his promises, and can give you what you need. That man could possibly be the most gorgeous man in the room, but if he isn’t, don’t turn him down because he’s not attractive according to society’s standards…because most of society doesn’t know a damn thing about how to treat someone. That’s evident in how awful we treat each now in our communities. And in the end, how he treats you is the only thing that matters.
Good luck to you all,
One Happy Woman
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