Iyanla gets Charrisse to open up.
The episode opens with Iyanla working with Charrisse. Iyanla wants to know how and why she’s “stuck” in her situation. Charrisse said her husband decided to get a divorce. She says she broke all of her rules to be with him, which included dealing with a man who’s been married and is in sports and entertainment.
Charrisse says at one point of their marriage, Eddie moved out of their bedroom to their guest room. She followed him into the guest room, to which Iyanla says is a sign of fear.
Charrisse tells Iyanla she hoped her marital circumstances would change.
Throughout the course of their conversation, Iyanla thinks Charrisse isn’t being genuine.
“I’m looking at you and you seem like a fairly reasonable, intelligent, functioning adult. But, what’s comin’ outta your mouth is s***. Tell me, why are you here?” – Iyanla
“I’m sitting here because I’ve allowed myself to waste a lot of my life on a person who didn’t want me and gave up on me,” – Charrisse
At this point, Charrise begins to cry. She’s crying because she feels she wasted her life with a man who didn’t want to be with her. Iyanla tells her plenty of women feel this way, including herself.
Charrisse then tells Iyanla that Eddie’s infidelity began around their 8th year of marriage. She made excuses to stay and this led to him moving another woman into his apartment.
Iyanla then asks for evidence that Charrisse’s husband didn’t want her, and Charrisse doesn’t hold back. “Throughout our marriage, you know, there was infidelity,” she says. “[Starting] probably around our eighth year.”
Here, Iyanla helps Charrisse to start on the path to healing by confronting the full magnitude of her problem.
At the end of their session, she wants Charrisse to find the part of her that still wants Eddie and get rid of it. Iyanla also wants Charrisse to face her pain from the divorce. To do this, Iyanla takes Charrisse to a room that has a wall with empty poster board. Iyanla has her write down parts of her own experience.
Veronika’s issues stem from her father’s infidelity.
Next, Iyanla meets with Veronika. She was on the reality show “Second Wives Club.” Veronika said her failing marriage ruined her life. Interestingly, her husband was married 3 times before.
She married her husband 5 years ago, but the married became troubled 3.5 years into it.
“I wish I never met him.” – Veronika
The straw that broke her back was when her husband’s mistress created an Instagram account trolling her. The woman spent time in her home during the holidays.
This story saddens Iyanla.
“I re-lived this multiple times.” – Veronika
It comes out that Veronika witnessed similar cheating behavior from her father. He constantly cheated on her mom also, and she felt disgusted to see her mom stay with him.
“I became my mother. I am young Agnus.” – Veronika
Iyanla wants her to recognize her behavior before she passes the trauma down to her own children. She tells Veronika that her kids have noticed the behavior already.
“We gotta get this cleaned up quickly.” – Iyanla
Next, Iyanla asks about their “love story.” Veronika said her husband was compassionate towards other people. So Iyanla suggests that Veronika allow him to raise their sons.
Veronika scoffs at this. She’s afraid that her kids would end up like she did growing up dealing with her father.
Next, Iyanla takes her into a room of her own to complete her assignment of trying of find herself.
Iyanla helps Charrisse begin to realize who she really is.
As Veronika freaks out at the assignment, Charrisse finishes hers. Iyanla checks in on Charrisse and talks her about who she is.
Iyanla asks her who she is and Charrisse begins to cry as she answers. At this point, Iyanla starts at the “basics,” getting her to understand she’s a black woman.
“First thing you gotta do is find your identity.” – Iyanla
She then digs into Charrisse, telling her ancestors suffered so she could be where she is today.
“Not the black woman out there like you’re a fruit fly. I’m talking about your great-great-great, grandmother.” – Iyanla
She gets Charrisse to realize that she’s been focused on her experience, not who she is. This is what has her stuck in her divorce, according to Iyanla.
Veronika didn’t get as far in her assignment. She appeared to identify herself as a woman with many insecurities.
“That thinking will keep attracting to you what you already have.” – Iyanla
Both Charrisse and Veronika are repeating patterns they learned from their parents.
After their assignments, Iyanla brings Charrisse and Veronika together so they can see they are similar in their situations.
Iyanla has Charrisse express who she is to Veronika. Charrisse says she chose to find love in someone else instead of herself.
“I’ve been thinking instead of feeling my pain.” – Charrisse
Iyanla tells Veronika that she’ll become like Charrisse in the future if she isn’t careful.
Veronika’s afraid to end up like Charrisse. Next, Veronika tells Charrisse she’s a woman who lost her way.
During their conversation, Charrisse said her mom had a similar circumstance, staying stuck in a bad relationship. Iyanla says that this is a pattern that’s been passed down generation to generation.
Denial and avoidance keeps Charrisse stuck. Internalizing things is what keeps Veronika stuck.
Iyanla wants them to understand their other reasons, so they head to a board to sort their 10 reasons why they’re stuck. None of the items on their list are pertaining or related to their husbands.
During this conversation, Charrisse reveals she “sold her soul” to have a life she wanted but never had. Iyanla calls this a major breakthrough to admit this. She asks them why they just never let it all go. Veronika calls it ridiculous.
So Iyanla challenges her on this.
“You thought you were doing the right thing staying?” – Iyanla
She then has them write down one thing that they really, really want.
Veronika says she wants to forgive herself. Charrisse wants to reclaim the Charrisse that knew what she wanted and how she could get it. But Iyanla gets her to sit down and admit that the chase of material things broke her.
“You’re not alone. Women do it everyday.” – Iyanla
Iyanla shows Charrisse and Veronika how feeling “stuck” looks.
The next day, she brings both of them together. However, Iyanla’s “late.” When she does arrive, she’s dressed in her bed-clothes, hair wrapped and no makeup. She’s the physical embodiment of being “stuck.
While sitting for breakfast, Iyanla had Charrisse explain how she yearned for love and acceptance from men at a young age. She longed for affection from her father that she didn’t get much of.
This behavior helped get her stuck.
Next, Iyanla gets Veronika to explain how her relationship with her father bred her own anger. Her dad was a man full of rage and it heavily influenced Veronika. She also feels her father destroyed their family.
They both realized that they were stuck long before their marriages. She then explains how her appearance of sloppiness is how they feel on the inside.
“This is what stuck feels like.” – Iyanla
Next, Iyanla suggests to Veronika that she should relinquish more custody to her ex-husband. However, Veronika’s afraid of losing her kids. Iyanla says this fear will eventually decrease.
Charrisse says she’s afraid of being by herself and alone.
To support them moving forward, she made Charrisse and Veronika accountability partners.
“You gotta do the work ladies. I’ve taken you as far as I could take you.” – Iyanla
After the show, Veronika said her time with Iyanla taught her how to trust herself, and to look forward to her future. She says she is no longer allowing her ex-husband to affect her.
Charrisse, on the other hand, says she has not been using Iyanla’s advice. She has decided to take her own path.
What are your thought’s on the episode?
